


I Wish You Could Save Me (But You Wouldn't Love Me Back)

by 0Sora_the_Explora0



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Accidental daddy kink rip, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, But really only at the end and mostly a joke, College, Colossal Misunderstandings, Daddy Kink, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Hanahaki Disease, Kinda sick fic?, M/M, Morning Sex, Mostly Canon Compliant, Not Beta Read, Slow Burn, Sorta friends with benefits?, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Unrequited Love, Until it is no longer a joke, Yamaguchi being a good friend and taking care of his best bro, i think this counts as, lotta angst gonna be here, switches POV for a bit, will update tags as I go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:48:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 51,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24209977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0Sora_the_Explora0/pseuds/0Sora_the_Explora0
Summary: Tsukishima Kei is in love with Kuroo Tetsurou, but Kuroo Tetsurou is not an available man. Tsukishima's mother had always told him jealousy was ugly- and could even be deadly if allowed to fester.He should have believed her.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 99
Kudos: 258





	1. You Won't Be Here When I Choke (But I Won't Be Alone)

There are a few things that Tsukishima Kei is certain of. He keeps them like a list in his mind, something to ground him when he’s feeling lost and out of place in the world. Some of them are uplifting; they keep him going when things seem dark and life worthless. Some of them are to keep him humble- or, as humble as he can be, at least. 

And one of them is earth-shattering, one he has to remind himself of constantly despite the way it makes him ache in his chest. 

He is in love with Kuroo Tetsurou. Deeply, desperately, whole-heartedly. The man lingers in his mind for days after they see one another, and his teasing smirk appears unbidden in his mind when he’s in, ah,  _ a vulnerable state _ in his lonely nights. He tosses and turns, imagining tanned hands slipping down his body, and spreading his legs; cat-like eyes staring down at him with the same concentration the man reserves for particularly tense volleyball matches. A deep voice whispering in his ear, calling him by the given name he rarely allows anyone else to call him. 

It was worse when they were both still in highschool. Their teams would meet up for practice and Tsukishima could barely hold on to his head until he made it back to the safety of the nearest single bathroom after the matches and subsequent penalties. 

But Kuroo graduated after that first year, and Tsukishima was limited to meeting up with him maybe a few times a year on special occasions, like when the Nekoma alumnus would come watch their games, or when Hinata dragged him and Yamaguchi along to hang out in the city, should some of the old frenemy team visit. 

Those days were torturous, but Tsukishima lived for them all the same. 

Another thing he knew- more devastating than the last- is that Kuroo Tetsurou was in a happy relationship with Kozume Kenma. 

He’d seen the looks between them, hadn’t missed the post announcing that the two of them would be living together once Kenma graduated. He’d seen all the Instagram posts of the two of them out on dates, sharing meals and hugs and a  _ life _ . 

It wasn’t like Tsukishima was  _ obsessed _ , or that’s what he told himself, anyway, as he stared far too long at the same photo of a sweaty, shirtless, sun-soaked Kuroo that he’d seen a million times already on his Instagram page. It was a candid shot, taken by Kenma himself, after the two of them had played a match of beach volleyball on vacation a summer ago. He was gorgeous, muscles flexed and grin cocky in the way that made Tsukishima’s heart jump into his throat. 

He wants to keep scrolling, but there’s a drop of sweat in the picture that’s stuck rolling down his adam’s apple, shining just right with the angle of the sun overhead. Tsukishima wishes he had been there. Wishes he could taste that drop of sweat on his tongue as he licked it away; sucked on that patch of skin until it was dark and visible to anyone who laid eyes on Kuroo. Wanted to feel the way it bobbed when Kuroo swallowed under his tongue. 

But it was Kenma’s picture. Because Kenma was  _ there _ . 

Jealousy was a nasty thing, he knew. His mother used to tell him, when he was young, that jealousy could be deadly if allowed to fester. He had never believed her, and in the last two years it had grown and gotten worse and worse inside him. 

A tickle started in the back of his throat when he  _ finally _ scrolled on and saw the post below it: Kenma was staring at his Switch, looking as deadpan as was normal for him, and Kuroo had his arms thrown around the shorter man’s shoulders, and his lips pressed firmly to Kenma’s cheek and nose wrinkled in what looked like held back laughter. Tsukishima knew he’d hate it if Kuroo pulled something like that on him. He had never wanted anything more in his life. 

The tickle grew urgently stronger in an instant, and his body went stiff and shot up from his relaxed position in bed, chest heaving violently as coughs tore from him. It burned, and didn’t let up, and he couldn’t  _ breathe _ , and briefly he wished that he still lived at home because that meant someone would hear him and  _ help _ . Something was stuck at the base of his throat, and he could feel it slipping up and up with every cough. Panic rushed over him at the same time heat rushed to his face at the lack of oxygen, and he scrambled to jump out of the bed and to the bathroom, just as the thing lodged in his throat reached the top. 

With a few more coughs, the thing freed itself, and he hacked it up painfully and watched- in horror- as a bright red carnation petal flung itself from his lips and landed in the toilet with a quiet  _ pap _ . Bright red blood bloomed out in the water around it, too, and Tsukki’s hand flew to his lips and came away again smeared with blood.

_ Fuck _ , he thought, eyes wide and hands beginning to shake as he alternated between looking at the petal and his own bloodstained fingers,  _ mom was right _ .

The coughs faded, after that, and he made himself move to the kitchen to slowly down a glass of water to ease the pain. It didn’t. Nor did the cough drop he tried to suck on for the next half hour. That one made him a bit sleepy, though, and it  _ was _ past midnight. So, he moved back to bed, shaken and drained, and pointedly did  _ not _ look at his phone again for the rest of the night. 

* * *

  
  


He didn’t need a doctor. He knew what was wrong; Hanahaki was not a new disease, and though it was rare it was not unheard of. The cure, he knew, was either expensive and dangerous surgery, or admitting his feelings to the person he desired. And, well, he wasn’t exactly able to do  _ that _ , was he?

He had a while, at least, to sort out the procedure. Plus, it wasn’t as if he had to worry about it progressing too quickly. He didn’t see Kuroo often, and he just had to… limit his exposure to the other man’s life. So, with an ache in his heart and a burn in his throat, he unfollowed both Kuroo and Kenma on all of their social media later the next day. He coughed quietly when he did, but managed to keep down the petal trying to slip up for the moment. 

He blocked them both, too, for good measure, and tried to go about his day without sparing the other man a thought. But the problem was, trying  _ not _ to think of a person generally had the exact opposite effect. He didn’t have classes; it was spring break and he was just stuck in his apartment until college life resumed. 

Trying to go out to get coffee and distract himself didn’t go well, because his mind wandered as he sat alone in the corner booth, and memories of the last time Hinata dragged him out was to a little cafe like this one. Kuroo had gotten a latte, and the barista had made a beautiful leaf with the foam, and Kenma had taken a sip, and  _ oh God Tsukishima couldn’t breathe. _

His drink was knocked off the table with the speed that he flung himself from the seat, and much as he tried to apologize to the poor, confused baristas, the only thing that escaped through his gritted teeth was a painful cough. Pricks of heat burst in his eyes as fresh tears welled up, and he rushed off to the bathroom to lock himself in and cough and gag over the toilet. 

Three petals, this time. More blood than before, too, and hot tears were dripping steadily from his cheeks and steaming up his glasses to blur his vision. The crimson petals and swirling blood looked vaguely like watercolor like that, and it might almost be pretty if he weren’t so dizzy and lightheaded from the lack of consistent airflow. 

“Sir?” called a quiet, feminine voice from behind the door, “Are you alright? Should I call an ambulance?”

Tsukishima groaned, regretted it when it made his throat ache, and moved shakily to back to his feet from his kneeling position by the toilet. 

“That isn’t necessary.” He replied, wincing as he swallowed around the burn. “Asthma.” He lied, glancing back to the toilet and grimacing at the petals there. He flushed them down, and then moved to clean himself up at the sink. A drop of blood had managed to land on his white tee, just his luck. 

“Alright… We’ve cleaned up the coffee, and if you’d like another cup we can make you one…” the woman offered, sounding nervous and empathetic. 

He didn’t like it. He hated being pitied. 

“No, thank you,” he answered back, finally pulling open the door and staring down at the poor brunette girl and giving her his fakest, most saccharine-sweet smile. “I think I’ll go home and rest. I appreciate your concern.” He bowed, and she mirrored the action with a worried smile of her own and then stepped out of his way. 

The trip home was brutal; packed in a train with too many other people and trying to ignore the shuddering of his lungs. He couldn’t have an attack here. Nobody knew him, sure, but the last thing he needed was for a stranger to call an ambulance if he passed out.

Small, withheld coughs escaped him nonetheless, never passing his lips and only coming out in harsh exhales through his nose. One woman seemed to notice, and glanced shyly over at him every time he had an outburst. He did his best not to glare at her _ directly _ , and was glad he hadn’t gone too far from home when he rushed off the train at the next station. 

His hand reached into his pocket as soon as the station was around the corner behind him, and he ducked into a nearby alleyway and pulled out his phone as he leaned against the wall of some bar. His fingers shook, chest wracking with the effort to hold back the petals itching to come up out of his lungs, and he sank down the wall to the ground just as the contact he was looking for appeared on his screen.    
  
The number was dialed, and he let loose a few coughs to just  _ try _ and clear away some of the discomfort before the line was answered.    
  
“Tsukki? Hey, man, what’s- are you okay?” 

Tsukishima hadn’t quite been able to shake off the coughs before Yamaguchi answered, and winced at the concerned edge his best friend’s voice suddenly took on upon hearing his painful wheezing. 

“Y-Yamaguchi… are you- fuck- are you home?” He managed between short fits, gritting his teeth at the way he couldn’t seem to hold it back anymore. 

“Yeah, yeah, Tsukki, what the fuck is going on? Where are you? I’m coming to get you-”

Tsukishima could hear the rustling as Yamaguchi presumably stood from wherever he was and pulled something on; a jacket, maybe. 

“Station… block away from… my house…” Kei replied, eyes clenching and brows drawing together in frustration. It had only been a  _ day _ . It shouldn’t be this  _ bad _ . Maybe Yamaguchi could take his mind off it. At the very least, he could get him  _ home _ . 

“I’m not hanging up until I get there. I should be there in, ah, ten minutes if I run? Just… try and get it out, yeah? Breathe as slow as you can, when you can, okay? Hang in there, I’m on my way.” Yamaguchi said, trying to keep calm despite the way his voice was raising steadily in pitch. 

The petals in Tsukishima’s lungs finally knocked loose, and started their slow, burning path up his throat. Every desperate, broken inhale made them flutter inside his windpipe, and he could feel the tickle start to burn as they climbed higher and higher. The noises he made, high and reedy when he tried to breathe in between each cough, were embarrassing and ugly to his own ears, but he couldn’t make it  _ stop _ . God, his eyes and face were burning again, and the hand that was not currently occupied with his phone at his ear moved to pound violently at his chest to try and knock it loose  _ faster _ . Give him  _ some _ relief.

But it did little to help his case. 

“Can… can you tell me what’s going on? Tsukki, you’re really scaring me here.” Yamaguchi must have made it outside already, because he sounded like he was running already. His voice wavered slightly as he went, and his breath was just a little heavier from effort. 

“Can’t- can’t  _ breathe _ , Yama-” Kei sobbed out, cursing himself internally at the way he just felt so  _ terrified _ and helpless. He could feel it hit the back of his throat in just exactly the wrong way, and his eyes shot open as he scrambled to his knees and dropped the phone. It clattered on the cement, skittering barely a foot away but not hanging up. 

“Tsukki!” He heard vaguely, but he was too busy gagging around the flower and finally retching petals and blood and the small amount of latte he’d drunk from the cafe. 

The mess wasn’t too bad, but he ached all the way to the base of his  _ spine _ with how hard his muscles had spasmed and seized to get it all out. He gagged a few more times, and gasped in huge lungfuls of breath now that the passage was clear, and then slumped pitifully back against the wall.    
  
Yamaguchi was practically screaming now, loud enough to be heard clearly from the spot Tsukishima’s phone still sat. 

The blonde reached out, fingers trembling, and brought it back closer to him without putting it back to his ear. Tadashi might blow out his eardrums if he did. 

“I’m okay.” Tsukishima croaked, hearing his friend quiet down again before holding the phone up properly again. “I can… breathe again.”

“Dude, what the  _ fuck _ is going on? Are you sick or something? Do you need a hospital-”

“No!” Kei snapped, followed by a pitiable whimper at the way his throat seemed to swell and even make his  _ sinuses _ hurt. His head was pounding, too. A side effect of oxygen deprivation, he figured miserably. “Just… I can’t talk… now… help me get h-home, okay?” 

Yamaguchi was quiet for a moment, other than the steady panting from running. Tsukishima could imagine the way his lips were pursing with irritation, and it made him feel a little guilty. 

But right now, for once, Tsukishima genuinely  _ could not _ keep up with conversation. He could still feel hot blood trickling uncomfortably down his throat and didn’t want to damage his throat more than he already had. 

“Okay, Tsukki. I’m almost there. Can you text me exactly where you are? Don’t hang up, just keep breathing or… or tap the mic or something so I know you’re still there, okay?” Tadashi said, sounding a little out of breath himself. He must have been running pretty fast if he was almost there already. 

Yamaguchi was a damn good friend. 

Tsukishima tapped the mic twice as he pulled it from his ear and hit the home button, minimizing the call screen and bringing up his messages. He typed out the name of the bar he was leaning against, some place called  _ The Rooster _ and, ha, wasn’t  _ that  _ just an ironic slap to the face. 

“Okay, yeah, I know where that is.” Yamaguchi said after a moment, and Tsukishima just tapped the mic again. “I’m just around the corner, now.”

Tsukishima just kept tapping every couple seconds, hearing Tadashi panting heavily on the other line, and then after another minute or so he heard the heavy footfalls of someone running nearby. The steps slowed down just outside the alleyway, and then a loud gasp sounded from the mouth of it and a figure, blurred by Tsukishima’s thick tears, rushed towards him. 

“Jesus, Tsukki, you look terrible!” Yamaguchi snapped, kneeling beside him and gingerly pressing his fingers to the blonde’s forehead. 

“Thanks. That’s exactly what I was going for.” Tsukishima croaked back, trying to glare at his friend but failing miserably since he couldn’t even  _ see him _ properly. And then he realized, ah, his glasses were missing. Must have lost them when he vomited, and when his head lazily drifted to the side he could see the vague shape of them off to his right. 

“You should have called sooner, I could-” Yamaguchi trailed off, and when Tsukishima looked back at him, he could see that he wasn’t looking in his direction anymore. No. He’d followed Kei’s line of sight to his glasses, and then he’d  _ seen _ it. 

“Oh, Tsukki…” he breathed, slowly reaching over Tsukishima to grab the glasses. He gently wiped the frames on his shirt, but carefully avoided the lenses so as not to scratch them, and then slipped them into Kei’s hand. “Who is it?” 

Tsukishima grimaced, and fixed the glasses back on his face before levelling Yamaguchi with an irate glare and staying silent. His best friend just sighed, rolled his eyes, and pulled one of Tsukishima’s arms over his shoulder to help him stand.    
  
“Yeah, okay, you don’t have to talk. Yet. But as soon as we get you home we are  _ discussing _ this. If you have to write it all out on  _ paper _ you are telling me what the fuck is up with you.” Yamaguchi groused, guiding Tsukishima to the mouth of the alley. 

The walk home was an entirely one-sided conversation. At least Tsukishima could breathe again, but his whole body was aching and exhausted now. The moment Yamaguchi set him down on his bed, Kei collapsed against his pillow and threw an arm over his eyes. 

“Okay. I know I said we’d talk as soon as we got here but, uh, I’m gonna make you some tea, for your throat. You better not fall asleep, Tsukki. If you expect me to keep helping you, you’re going to have to give me an idea of what’s happening.” Tadashi said, voice stern in a way that Tsukki knew meant he cared. 

When it came to Yamaguchi, Tsukishima didn’t mind the empathy, because for Yamaguchi, it was always genuine. 

His friend left the room after Kei gave him a half-hearted thumbs up, and he did his best to breathe evenly while he still had the chance. It occurred to him that he hadn’t had so much as a tickle while Yamaguchi was here, and he sighed out as he thanked some God or another for having such an amazing friend. He could hear him moving around in the kitchen, soft clinks of glass sounding out to him and telling him that there were two cups being prepared. 

Resting wasn’t so much an option as a necessity, and although he didn’t actually fall asleep, he did close his eyes and relaxed his aching body as much as he could. The sensations were unpleasant, but a good distraction from the current burden on his mind. But… then again, he wasn’t sure well he’d make it through his explanation to Yamaguchi, and dread crept up his spine at the thought of another attack so soon. 

The sound of his bedroom door swinging open again had his eyes slowly falling open again, and then shifting to watch Tadashi shuffle back in with a cup of tea in each hand, and a bottle of painkillers tucked under his arm. Sitting up was a bit of a struggle, but he managed to do so quick enough to make room on the bed for the other man. 

“Take some of these first.” Yamaguchi insisted, setting the steaming cups on the bedside table and uncapping the pill bottle to shake a few out. 

“Thanks.” He rasped out, and then hissed when regret hit him hard at the pain it caused. He accepted the pills and looked over to his cup. It was steaming still, but looked milky unlike Yamaguchi’s. Except he didn’t usually drink cream in his tea, so he shot his companion a quizzical look. 

“Um, so you don’t… burn your tongue… taking the pills.” Tadashi explained, leaving his own cup alone for the moment to let it cool. A smile spread on his lips when Kei just shrugged in acceptance and took the pills, then swallowed them down around a slow sip of the sweet tea. Honey, he recognized, and it did wonders to soothe the awful dryness in his throat. 

Tadashi waited for the cup to be set back down, and then shifted a little uncomfortably on the bed. His eyes fell to his lap, trying not to overwhelm Tsukishima with too much close observation. 

“So. Can you tell me?” Yamaguchi asked, looking for all the world like he hated asking the question at all. That they had to be  _ here _ , with Tsukishima in so much pain and misery, and his best friend almost completely in the dark. “Don’t… try to talk, though, um, you could… text me?”

Tsukishima looked away, considering his options for a moment. Of course Tadashi had known about his crush on Kuroo back in the day, but they hadn’t really talked about it since Kuroo and Kenma had gotten together. He probably assumed that Tsukishima had moved on. And he’d never been the type to spill deep secrets, anyway. Yamaguchi was his confidant, and he was all Tsukishima really had at the moment. 

He nodded, slowly, and pulled his phone back out of his pocket. 

“Okay. Good. Uh, I’ll keep it simple for you, okay? How long has it been? Since you started coughing?” Yamaguchi asked. 

**‘Since yesterday’**

“Have you seen a doctor?”

**‘No’**

“ _ Will _ you see a doctor?”

**‘Probably not’**

Yamaguchi gave him a glare for that, and opened his mouth to… probably berate him, but he huffed out a frustrated breath instead and asked another question instead. 

“Will you tell me who it is?”

Tsukishima took a little longer to answer that one, just staring at the screen of his phone for a minute or so. And then slowly, hesitant, he typed out an answer and turned the phone for Yamaguchi to see. 

**‘Kuroo’**

“Wait, really?” Yamaguchi asked, eyebrows just about shooting up into his hairline. His eyes darted back and forth between Tsukishima’s screen and his face- until Tsukishima started to cough a little bit again. “Whoa, hey, drink your tea, man, breathe.” He said, as soothing as he could, and a hand shot out to grip the blonde’s shoulder and keep him steady. 

“Sorry, um, I didn’t… mean to make it start up again.” he said, expression apologetic. He seemed pleased when Tsukishima picked up his cup again, swallowing a few sips of the tea. The coughs subsided, and the cup was set back on the table. 

Just as Kei thought. Yamaguchi really was a good cure for the coughing. Tsukishima looked up at his friend for a long moment, neither of them really sure what to say. Just when it seemed like Yamaguchi was going to say something, though, Tsukishima adjusted his position on the bed and dropped his head heavily onto Yamaguchi’s shoulder. 

“Can you… stay?” He whispered, feeling vulnerable and useless. And the way he’d  _ cried _ today, in public, completely out of his control… it scratched at part of his pride, too. 

Yamaguchi was stiff; most definitely startled by the sudden proximity. Tsukishima was worried he might pull away at first, until an arm came up and wrapped loosely around his shoulder. 

“Yeah. Of course, Tsukki. Do you… wanna play some games or something? Or watch a movie?” 

And part of Tsukishima did. It sounded like a good distraction, and losing track of time listening to Yamaguchi give commentary on some boring movie or another would certainly calm him down… But…

He needed something better than that. 

His chin tilted upwards a bit, angling himself to meet Tadashi's eyes, and he let the last wall crumble between them.

"Distract me." He murmured, holding Yamaguchi's gaze even as his hand slid over to grab his friend's unoccupied wrist and dragged it back to rest on Kei's thigh. His eyes flickered down for a moment when Yamaguchi swallowed, and his adam's apple bobbed. 

Just as he imagined Kuroo's would. But Kuroo wasn't here. Yamaguchi was. 

"... You sure, Tsukki? It's… we haven't… in a while…" Tadashi breathed, face quickly growing flushed. His hand kept still, just resting on his best friend’s thigh and not moving any further until he was given a sure go-ahead. 

Tsukishima didn’t bother to answer verbally, though, just leaned forward further and wrapped his lips and tongue around a patch of skin on Yamaguchi’s throat and sucked it softly. Encouraging. It seemed to work, when Yamaguchi’s hand finally moved to slip up the front of Tsukishima’s shirt and wandered shyly over his abdomen. And then it pressed firmly, and Kei backed off with a frustrated sigh and a weak glare. 

“Don’t give me that, Tsukki. I’m not saying no, but I just want you to finish your tea first. And I need to shower, I  _ did _ run to pick you up, earlier.” Yamaguchi admonished, but tipped forward to press a sweet, lingering kiss to Tsukishima’s lips all the same. 

Tsukishima’s expression softened, and he acquiesced to his friend’s instructions and picked up his cup again to delicately sip at it. 

“Good. I’ll make it quick. You just… stay here and relax. Finish your tea. It’ll help.”

Yamaguchi stood, then, and made his way through the familiar apartment to fetch himself a towel. When he passed back through Tsukishima’s room to the adjoining, Western style bathroom, he smiled at his best friend, and then slipped through the bathroom door.

A lock didn’t click into place, Tsukishima noticed. A sign of how close their friendship was, he supposed. But he took it instead as an invitation. 

The cup of tea wasn’t particularly big, and while Tsukishima didn’t  _ chug _ it, exactly, he didn’t waste time drinking it down. It only took another minute or two, and it did hurt a little that he tried to drink it so fast, but he didn’t care. He could hear the shower running, and Yamaguchi wasn’t usually one to waste time. The moment the cup was empty, it was abandoned back on the nightstand and he stood up quietly off the bed. 

His socks were the first to go, kicked off as soon as he was vertical, and then his thin sports jacket. His white, bloodstained tee was tossed somewhere vaguely in the direction of the laundry basket. His left hand silently turned the bathroom doorknob, and his right pulled his belt free of its buckle. There was no indication that Yamaguchi heard him enter, so he popped open the button on his pants and slipped them off as quietly as he could manage- along with his boxers. 

Yamaguchi jumped a little when Tsukishima inched back the curtain, careful to not let the hot spray splash over the floor. He stepped in, eyes glued to Tadashi’s face. Bright red crawled up his cheeks and down his chest, and he sputtered when Tsukishima reached forward and curled his fingers in Yamaguchi’s wet hair. Silky. Must have just conditioned. 

“Tsukki! I told you to-” Yamaguchi was cut off before he could finish his thought. Tsukishima had had enough, and tilted his head downwards to catch his friend’s lips in another slow kiss just to shut him up. 

Yamaguchi tasted the tea and honey fresh off Tsukishima’s lips, though, and huffed out in mild irritation against him. Even still, his hands moved to the blonde’s hips and urged him to step closer. 

“Would… have liked to lay you down, Kei....” Yamaguchi breathed, arms winding securely around Tsukishima’s waist and rubbing sweetly at the small of his back. Tsukishima just frowned a little and swooped back in for another kiss, one hand moving down Yamaguchi’s front to trace his fingers along the length of his cock. It was already a bit stiff, and Tsukishima thought that his friend had already started to imagine what they’d have done in the room had he not derailed  _ that _ plan. 

Yamaguchi hummed, content, and began touching Tsukishima in earnest. His right hand slid around a slim hip to squeeze at an ass cheek, and the left moved up to thumb at a nipple just exactly the way he knewTsukishima liked. His efforts were rewarded with a shiver and a raspy moan, and Tsukishima lightly pressed the tip of his index finger against the slit of Yamaguchi’s cock and rubbed there in small circles. 

“Fuck, Tsukki…” Tadashi moaned, digging his nails into the meat of Tsukishima’s ass and pinching his nipple a little meaner. He finally pulled back from the kiss, and instead dropped his head down to kiss down the column of the blonde’s throat. He wasn’t in love with Tsukishima, but he’d had his longings all the same, and Kei really was  _ gorgeous _ . It had been almost a year since the last time they’d slept together, but Yamaguchi still knew what made his best friend tick. It was just comfort, for both of them. Or so Yamaguchi told himself. 

Tsukishima hissed when Yamaguchi’s teeth suddenly sank into his shoulder at the same time one finger slipped to press insistently against the rim of his hole. It didn’t quite slip in, though, Yamaguchi knew the water wasn’t enough to lubricate him properly. But Tsukishima leaned into it all the same, biting his own lower lip and choking out a moan when Yamaguchi’s tongue laved hotly over the bite mark on his shoulder. 

“How do you want me, Kei?” Yamaguchi murmured against his skin, hips rolling lazily into the hand that had wrapped around his cock and was stroking him slowly to full erection. 

“Now. Hard.” Tsukishima answered, a little easier as the pain pills started to kick in and lessen the strain on his throat. 

“Lube?”

“Right there.” 

“Of course you keep lube right next to your body wash.” Yamaguchi snorted, snatching up the bottle regardless and pressing one more searing kiss to Tsukishima before pushing him to turn around. 

Tsukishima went easily, and leaned against the wall on the far side of the shower, away from the spray. It was colder, and his nipples perked up in response. He didn’t have to wait long for Yamaguchi’s attention, though; as soon as a good amount of lube was spread over his fingers, the bottle was set aside and slick digits were rubbing over his hole again. Yamaguchi’s other hand slid around Tsukishima’s front and spread wide over his left pec to pull him back flush to Yamaguchi’s chest. 

“Want me to talk?” Tadashi asked, voice low in Kei’s ear. He pressed a finger into the blonde anyway, without waiting for the answer. He knew Tsukishima wouldn’t tolerate stalling much longer. 

Tsukishima’s head dropped forward at that with a low groan, hips rocking backward and one hand reaching back to tangle in dark, silky wet locks again. The back of his neck opened up to Yamaguchi, who wasted no time sealing his teeth over the nape and sucking a bruise into the skin. 

“Yeah...” Tsukishima barely whispered, but let out a louder curse when a second finger slipped in along with the first, a bit easier than Yamaguchi expected.    
  
“You’re doing so good, Tsukki. I’m gonna take good care of you. Make you feel so much better.” Yamaguchi started, sliding his fingers along inside of Tsukishima and stretching him steadily open.

Tsukishima shuddered and nodded; bit down on his lower lip and tightened his grip in Yamaguchi’s hair a little. The position was a bit uncomfortable, though, and he let go to instead lean forward and brace himself against the wall. The fingers inside him stilled at his movement, giving him time to get comfortable, and for a moment Tsukishima wished that he could have just fallen for his best friend. Yamaguchi was always there for him. Always so considerate, and caring, and Tsukishima knew that he’d make him happy. 

And instead, he was practically killing himself over a man who had already found his happiness with  _ someone else _ .

The tickle came back in Tsukishima’s throat, making him whine in frustration and press his forehead against the tile wall- harder than necessary, just enough to hurt a little to bring him back. 

“You doing alright, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked, carefully draping his shower-warm chest over Tsukishima’s back and reaching down with his free hand to rub soothing circles in his hip. 

“Don’t stop.” Tsukishima bit out, voice strained in his effort to hold back the cough that tried to come up. He winced at his own tone; felt bad that he was starting to snap at his best friend that was only here to help him. “Sorry, just… I… don’t want to think.”

Yamaguchi sighed behind him, pressing a soft kiss to Tsukishima’s shoulder. And then he sank his teeth into the spot a little harshly and finally slipped a third finger into him. Tsukishima whined, pushing his hips back into the stretch. The tickle persisted in his throat, but didn’t intensify any further. 

“Almost there. Just hang on a little bit longer for me, okay? Can you do that for me?” Yamaguchi purred, doing his best to bring Kei back to the moment. 

“No.” Tsukishima answered, chest heaving as he tried to keep breathing evenly. “I want to feel it. I’m ready. Please, Yama…” His eyes started to burn again, and he clenched them shut tightly to fend off the tears that threatened to spill over. A small cough escaped him, despite his best efforts to hold it back, and Yamaguchi gripped his hip a little harder. 

“Shh, it’s alright, Tsukki. I’ve got you.” Yamaguchi soothed, pressing kisses all over Tsukishima’s shoulder as he pulled his fingers free. 

Tsukishima mourned the loss, a quiet moan falling from his lips and one hand dropping from the wall to reach down and palm lightly at his own cock. And then he felt Yamaguchi’s slick, stiff erection rubbing up between his cheeks. The way it dragged, tantalizing, over his hole made Tsukishima shiver, his own cock twitching at the promise of getting what he so badly needed. 

“Sure you’re ready?” Tadashi asked, a little breathless when the head of his dick caught on the hot rim of Tsukishima’s hole. 

“Yes! Yama- ah! Fuck!” Kei gasped, back arching when Yamaguchi finally pushed the head into him. The stretch felt good, and he craned his neck to look behind him and catch the other man’s eyes. 

“Feels good, Kei…” Yamaguchi moaned, then leaned his chin on Tsukishima’s shoulder and smiled sweetly at him. He moved slow, but steady; sank into the blonde in one long, drawn out thrust forward. They both let out shaky breaths when Yamaguchi was fully seated, hips pressed firmly against Tsukishima’s ass. It wasn’t the best position to go as deep as he could, but it was good enough for now. 

Still better than the silicone toys that Tsukishima could never fully satisfy himself with. 

“Hurry up before the water gets cold.” Kei said, voice more high-pitched and breathy than usual- more needy. He wanted more, and he wanted it  _ now _ . 

“Yeah… I’ve got you. Whatever you need.” Yamaguchi replied. He drew back, then; planted his hands firmly on Tsukishima’s hips and held him still to pull back out of him. When he snapped forward again, it was fast and rough and Tsukishima  _ sobbed _ . 

Yamaguchi didn’t waste time after that. He fucked into Tsukishima steadily, just quick enough to keep the blonde in the present, but careful all the same. The steam from the hot shower made sweat quickly bead up on their skin, and they were both pink from head to toe. 

Tsukishima shook as he was braced against the wall, losing himself to the feeling of Yamaguchi’s cock filling him up  _ so perfectly _ . The tip dragged against his prostate every time Tadashi pulled back and thrust back forward again, and Tsukishima felt his own cock twitch dribble out precome over his fingers. 

“I missed you, Tsukki... So much... You know I’m always here for you, right? Ah- And… and you can call me… whenever you need me… Fuck, any time...” Yamaguchi managed, panting hard and using his hold on Tsukishima’s hips to yank him back into every thrust. 

Tsukishima wasn’t usually particularly loud in bed already, but even still he was so much quieter than before. Sharp gasps were punched out of him at every harder snap up into him, but with his throat aching so bad his moans were soft and easy to miss through the sound of their skin slapping together. His eyes finally broke from Yamaguchi’s when he slumped back over and pressed his cheek against the cool tile, wet with condensation. 

Kisses and bites were spread over his shoulders and neck again, something that Tsukishima would be able to catch in the mirror and remind him of after Yamaguchi was gone. Something that would be grounding. He hoped. He’d need to give him more in front, too. Easier to see without having to twist around. 

“Kei, I’m gonna turn you around.” Yamaguchi muttered, stilling himself for a moment to pull back and coax Tsukishima into the position he wanted him: back pressed against the wall and one long leg hiked up in the crook of Yamaguchi’s arm. 

“Can I kiss you some more?” he asked, lining up his cock against the shiny, red rim of Tsukishima’s hole again and sinking back in. Tsukishima just whined softly in response and wrapped both arms around Yamaguchi’s shoulders to keep himself steady, then bent his neck downward and traced his tongue across the other man’s lower lip hotly. 

Yamaguchi took the permission for what it was and met Tsukishima’s tongue with his own, then sealed their lips together and did his best to kiss the breath out of him. He fucked him a little slower, a little deeper, moaning at the way Tsukishima’s muscles fluttered around him in his pleasure. The blonde’s cock dragged precum down Yamaguchi’s abdomen with every thrust, pressed together as they were. 

Tsukishima rolled his hips down to meet Yamaguchi and drag him in a little deeper. His kisses were getting sloppier, and his brows were drawn tightly together over closed eyes. He was getting close, and Yamaguchi wanted nothing more than to watch him crash over the edge and go loose and relaxed against him. 

He broke away from the kiss, and then reached up and curled a first into Tsukishima’s hair and  _ pulled. _ Tsukishima keened when his head snapped back, cock twitching, as Tadashi brushed his lips against his ear and whispered heatedly into it. 

“Touch yourself, Kei.”

His grip didn’t let up in the damp blonde hair- kept Tsukishima in place for him to start sucking and biting bruises into his throat and collarbone. There was no gentleness to his thrusting now, just giving them what they both wanted and pushing them closer to the edge. 

Tsukishima obeyed the command quickly, shifting his weight to hand off Yamaguchi with one arm while his other hand flew to jerk himself in time with Yamaguchi fucking up into him. 

“I’m… f-fuck, Tadashi, I’m close… ah-” Tsukishima warned, hips jerking unevenly as pleasure wracked up his spine, and heat coiled low in his pelvis. He felt dizzy with it, and… just for a moment, he slipped. 

Behind his closed eyes, unbidden images came of dark hair and large hands and a smirk that made his heart stop and his cock  _ throb _ . Yamaguchi buried inside him just then, deep and hard and  _ perfect _ and bit down into the meat of his shoulder. Tsukishima imagined a different set of teeth and a different cock and deeper moans and  _ lost it _ . Tears slipped down his cheek and he cried out brokenly and  _ came _ , jerking his head to the side as his vision went white and cum splattered across both their chests. 

He was vaguely aware of Yamaguchi’s answering moan when Tsukishima tightened around him in waves and set off his own orgasm. He filled the blonde up the way he knew he wanted, sucking marks into his skin all the while. Tsukishima floated back to reality slowly, dizzy and exhausted, just leaning heavily into Yamaguchi as he pulled out and guided him back under the lukewarm spray.

“Let’s clean you up and get you in bed, huh?” Yamaguchi murmured softly, grabbing Tsukishima’s loofah and squeezing body wash onto it. 

The whole time Yamaguchi soaped him down, his eyes refused to meet Tsukishima’s, and when he turned away to start washing himself, the blonde frowned and draped himself over the shorter man. 

“Thank you, Yamaguchi. I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Tadashi was quiet, and made no effort to look back at his friend. He was a little stiff, too, but dutifully cleaned himself all the same. 

“I said his name, didn’t I?”

Yamaguchi sighed and paused, reaching back with his unoccupied hand to find and tangle with Tsukishima’s. 

“Honestly, Tsukki, it’s okay. I’m not upset about that. I’m upset that you’re  _ sick _ and that… I can’t make you better. I can’t solve this problem for you, and I don’t want to  _ lose _ you because I know you’re stubborn and you’ll probably do anything you can not to just take the damn  _ easy _ way out and confess.” Yamaguchi admitted, finally setting aside the loofah and just letting the spray rinse the rest of the soap off. 

Tsukishima hadn’t expected the lecture, but he knew that Yamaguchi was speaking from the heart. He loved Kuroo, but he couldn’t have him. There was nothing to be done. 

And he coughed again, quietly, against Yamaguchi’s back. His best friend just turned to look at him with a sympathetic smile and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. 

“Yeah. That’s what I mean.” Tadashi finished. 

The shower was turned off after that, and they dried off in relative silence. Much as Tsukishima didn’t like going to bed with damp hair, he no longer had the energy to keep awake. He crashed onto the bed as soon as he was suitably dry, still completely nude and just tossing his towel lazily across the room. 

“Don’t be gross, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi groused, frowning over at the blonde and picking the damp towel up off the ground to hang it neatly back on the drying rack in the bathroom along with his own. On his way back into the bedroom, he scooped up Tsukishima’s discarded clothes from earlier and dropped them into the laundry basket in the corner. 

“Don’t spoil me, Yamaguchi. I might get used to it and really fall for you.” Tsukishima muttered, watching his best friend with his face half-buried in a pillow. Yamaguchi just laughed and went to crawl up beside him on the bed, manhandling Tsukishima’s body like a ragdoll to get the comforter pulled up over them both. 

“You know, that would probably solve this problem, but I don’t think it’s that easy. If cleaning up your laundry is spoiling you, then what do you call what we just did in the shower?” 

“Mental health services?”

“Oh, so I’m your therapist now?”

“Thought you knew that already.”

Yamaguchi laughed again, and Tsukishima gave him a small, tired smirk. The smaller man threw his arm around Kei’s waist and hauled him closer until they were pressed firmly together. Tsukishima laid his head on Yamaguchi’s chest and closed his eyes, breathing a little easier with the steady sound of his best friend’s heart thumping away in his ear. 

“Your hair’s gonna get me wet again, Tsukki.”

“Shut up and go to sleep.”

“Mmkay. G’night. Wake me up if you need anything or so help me I will keep you in bed all day tomorrow.”

“Kinky.”

He got a light smack to the head at that, and then felt Yamaguchi shift to press a soft kiss to his crown. 

“Sleep well, Kei.”

He didn’t, but it was better than when he’d been alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments you have are appreciated! I really like to know what parts of my work people like so if anything in particular stands out to you, let me know! Thanks!


	2. I Can't Be Fixed (But He Will Try Anyway)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi stays with Tsukishima to help him handle the initial few outbursts of his sickness, and does his best to share the burden with his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's kinda dialogue heavy and also HI I enjoy writing weird dream sequences so be ready for some nonsense. Also Tsukki and Yama have sex again because I have no self control.

Tsukishima woke up warm the next day, with an arm draped comfortably across his middle and a leg across his hip. Yamaguchi had always been a cuddler, and Tsukishima was never one to deny him the simple pleasure. Especially after he’d gone so far out of his way to care for his best friend. 

The smaller man was still asleep, and Tsukishima didn’t have the heart to wake him. He disentangled their limbs carefully, and the most signs of waking Yamaguchi showed were quietly grumbling in frustration and half-heartedly reaching for Tsukishima to come back when he slipped out of the bed. He was a hard enough sleeper, though, so by the time the blonde had redressed in a pair of comfortable sweats and a clean tee- an old one from his time in highschool that was tighter now on his broader frame- Yamaguchi was totally limp again and snoring softly. 

Tsukishima quietly gathered the mugs from the night before, Yamaguchi’s still full of cold, untouched tea, and left the room for the kitchen. It was early; he’d gone to the coffee shop in the late afternoon the day before and it had only been around eight when they had gone to bed. A quick glance at the clock on his stove told him it was four in the morning, and he knew he wouldn’t be going back to bed any time soon. Probably. 

Coffee was a must. He figured if he could wake up enough, he might be able to go on a run around a few blocks before Yamaguchi woke up. Most days he would use his Keurig, and while his best friend likely wouldn’t be awake for at least another hour, he felt it only polite to prepare enough for them both in his regular drip pot. 

His body ached pleasantly with each step as he moved about the kitchen. It was good to be reminded of how much someone else cared about  _ him _ for a change. Part of him was tempted to be greedy- return to the bedroom and blow Yamaguchi awake and then ride him for all he was worth- but he resisted the urge and let his best friend rest instead. A few extra scoops of coffee were added to the pot for Yamaguchi, and then he moved to the couch in his living room to let it brew. 

Fifteen minutes were wasted flicking through boring channels on the TV, and then the coffee was done- just as he’d settled on some action movie that he only vaguely recalled hearing about. It wasn’t much of a loss when he stood up to fix himself a cup, especially since the film was already half over. His second favorite mug was filled with coffee and hazelnut creamer, and then he spent the next half hour sipping it and only paying half his attention to the screen. 

By the time the drink was finished, Tsukishima’s leg had begun to bounce, and he knew it was time to start his run so he could burn off the energy before it made him  _ too _ restless. The empty cup was set in the sink alongside the tea mugs from the night before, and then he creeped back into his room to retrieve his phone off the nightstand and pull on his sports jacket. 

“Mm, Tsukki..?” Yamaguchi murmured from the bed, prompting him to turn and stare down at his sleepy friend. “What’re you doin’?” 

Tsukishima frowned at having woken Yamaguchi, and moved to sit on the edge of the bed and run a hand through the other man’s hair soothingly. 

“I’m going for a run. I’ll be back. Go back to sleep, Yama.” Tsukishima said, voice low and soft enough not to pull him too much further out of his tired haze. 

“Oh… mmkay… C’mere first though.” Yamaguchi slurred, lazily reaching a hand up to curl warm and comforting around the back of his neck. 

Tsukishima rolled his eyes but leaned down all the same, meeting Yamaguchi’s lips in a slow kiss that might have had his cock twitch in interest if he wasn’t so set on going for a run. 

“Come back soon, okay?” Yamaguchi hummed when they broke apart, and his hand dropped from Tsukishima’s hair. 

“Yeah. There’s coffee for you when you wake up.” Tsukishima answered, shifting back to his feet and straightening his jacket. 

“You’re the best, Tsukki.” 

With that, the blonde left the room again and moved to the entryway of the apartment to slip into his sneakers. They’re an older pair, too worn for volleyball but held together well enough for his morning jogs. Comfortable, too; they didn’t bite into his achilles tendon like his last pair did. He didn’t even need to untie them to pull them on- they just popped on and sat perfectly in place with only minor adjustments to properly fit his feet. 

The city was quiet this early, and the air was cool enough for him to not start sweating immediately. There were storm clouds growing fat with rain overhead, but they didn’t look heavy enough to fully storm for a good while longer. He didn’t go far, just a few blocks to get out the excess energy coffee always gave him. By the time he circled back to his apartment building, a light drizzle was coming down, adding to the damp sweat stains already growing on his shirt.

The strong smell of bacon and eggs greeted him when he stepped back in, and  _ God _ he wished he’d fallen for Yamaguchi instead. 

“Oh, hey, welcome back Tsukki!” Drifted to him from the kitchen as he toed off his shoes and set them in their cubby. 

“Didn’t think you’d be awake just yet.” Tsukishima replied, shrugging off his jacket to cool off a little faster. 

“Yeah, well, I just got up a few minutes ago. Gonna be a little longer before breakfast.”

“You don’t have to do that, you know.”

“But I want to.” Yamaguchi came around the corner to meet him, a soft smile set on his lips. He was wearing Tsukishima’s apron and the same pair of pants from the day before, but nothing else. 

He looked cute. 

“Sorry I woke you up earlier.” Tsukishima said, ruffling a hand briefly through Yamaguchi’s dark hair before pushing past him towards his bedroom to change. 

“I honestly fell right back asleep, but then I guess I just got hungry enough to get up. We, uh, sort of skipped dinner last night.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” 

“Hey it’s all good, man! I’d kinda been eating when you called me anyway, so it’s no big deal. Um, I gotta get back to cooking before stuff burns, but if you wanna get out of those sweaty clothes don’t let me hold you up.” Yamaguchi said with a smile and a wink, then disappearing back into the kitchen. 

“Sure you don’t want to help me take ‘em off?” Tsukishima called, and then snickered when he heard Yamaguchi sputter in the kitchen. 

“T-Tsukki! Go change!” Yamaguchi yelled back.

Tsukishima cackled and moved back into his bedroom, shedding his damp clothes and depositing them into the laundry basket so Yamaguchi wouldn’t scold him later. He thought briefly about hopping in the shower, but decided against it to keep his food from getting cold. He changed into a looser red tee with some microbrew company label and a pair of faded gray denim jeans- after applying a decent enough layer of deodorant to stave off the sweat smell. 

Rain was steadily tapping at his window now- it was early spring, and the rainy season didn’t start for a few more weeks at least. Still, it was comforting in the steady rhythm that drummed against the glass. They could stay indoors for the day, he supposed. Or he could, at least. When Yamaguchi would leave was a mystery, but a nagging sense of dread was budding in Tsukishima’s chest at the thought. 

“Breakfast!” Came Yamaguchi’s voice from the other room, muffled slightly through the wall but audible enough to reach Tsukishima before he could get too wrapped up in his thoughts. 

“Kaaay.” He called back, quickly swiping the cleaning cloth for his glasses off the dresser before heading back to the kitchen. The rain hadn’t fully dried on them yet, and he wasn’t about to deal with water stains on top of the few scratches they’d gotten from falling off in the alley. 

"You want any more coffee? There's still some left." Yamaguchi said. He was plating the food when Tsukishima came up behind him and wrapped his arms around the smaller man's waist. His head rested on Yamaguchi's shoulder, watching him carefully scoop up the sunny-side up eggs onto their plates with the silicone spatula.

"Mm. Think I'm good." Tsukishima muttered, planting a kiss on Yamaguchi's cheek. His best friend laughed and gently elbowed him just below the ribs, so he backed up and took the plate offered to him.

"What do you wanna do today? Could rent some bad horror movies or something. Just binge all day. Rain's good atmosphere for it. Nice and dark." 

"You're staying?"

"Yeah, obviously, idiot." Yamaguchi chided, reaching up to flick Tsukishima on the forehead. "Already texted my roommate. I'm all yours until tomorrow."

"Sounds like a threat."

"Oh, shut up!"

Tsukishima smiled, small and honest, and plucked a fork out of the dish rack. His mother would have been mortified that they moved directly to the couch to eat. The dining table wasn't even much further away, but it didn't allow for the comfortable proximity they settled into on the pleather sofa. They sat thigh-to-thigh, plates settled on their laps as Yamaguchi flicked on the TV and navigated to a movie rental app.

"Anything in particular you wanna watch?" Yamaguchi asked, browsing idly through the horror genre with one hand and shoving a strip of bacon in his mouth with the other. 

Tsukishima just shrugged, poking at the egg yolks and letting them burst runny and bright yellow over the rest of the food. He didn’t care much for what Yamaguchi put on, he was just glad for the company. “Whatever you want. As long as we charge it to your card.”

Yamaguchi snorted and rolled his eyes, shooting a half-hearted glare at his friend who just smiled innocently in response. 

“It’s already hooked up to your account, Tsukki.”

“So go to settings and change it.”

“You’re unbelievable, you know that?”

“And somehow you keep me around.”

Teasing aside, Yamaguchi picked a movie and Tsukishima charged his own card. Their breakfast was eaten in relative silence as The Exorcist started up. When the plates were empty, Yamaguchi collected them to bring to the kitchen- after forcing Tsukishima to  _ sit back down  _ and  _ hand over the plate _ . When he returned to the couch, a blanket in hand, he arranged them both so Tsukishima was laying down atop him and the blanket was draped over them both. He was comfortable and warm, and Yamaguchi was thumbing lightly over the hip bone exposed by the shirt riding slightly up his torso. 

Tsukishima was so grateful for him and the care he gave him. 

The sun had just begun to rise when the movie started, but it was hidden by the thick clouds hanging overhead. The dull grey lighting filtered in through the wood panel shades over the sliding glass door leading to his little patio, and didn’t brighten any further throughout the second film. 

By the time The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was nearly finished, Tsukishima was finding it harder and harder to keep his eyes open. Yamaguchi noticed his companion’s sleepy blinking and smiled down at him before plucking the glasses off his face and setting them carefully over on the coffee table. 

“Take a nap, man. Nowhere to be today, right?” Yamaguchi said softly, reaching up to stroke slowly through blonde locks and scrape his nails lightly across Tsukishima’s scalp. It felt nice, and Tsukishima heaved a relaxed sigh and snuggled more comfortably against Yamaguchi’s chest. 

“Y’sure?” he slurred, eyes already closed and arms stretching up to wrap loosely around Yamaguchi’s shoulders. 

“Mmhmm. I’ll wake you up if my legs go numb.” Yamaguchi teased, turning his head to press a soft kiss to Tsukishima’s wrist. 

Kei just hummed in assent and let himself slip away to the careful fingers running through his hair and the distant-sounding screaming of the characters in the film and the soothing atmosphere the rain cast upon the apartment. 

  
  
  
  


He dreamt, at first, of nonsense. Random warped scenes of his years in the volleyball team in highschool played in his head- but some of his teammates were celebrities (and one unquestioned, literal raptor that played wing spiker) for some reason. They were playing a practice match against what might have been Fukurodani if it had consisted of more than Bokuto and Akaashi and a bunch of faceless strangers who all remained completely still on the court. It all seemed completely normal in the dream, until the teams reached a deuce, and then kept scoring on one another over and over, entering the high fifties. 

Tsukishima was exhausted even in the dream, and pools of sweat dripped down from him and steadily grew to cover the whole gym floor, then up to his ankles, and then his waist. Everyone else seemed unbothered by it; they moved as if they weren’t practically swimming on the court. But Tsukishima alone was slowed, dragged down by the weight of his soaked clothes and the pressure of the thick sweat making it hard to run where he needed to go. 

His eyes followed the toss of the ball when it went up, and the gym ceiling opened up to blue sky and he was momentarily blinded by the sun and missed his chance to one-touch. The ball thudded down behind him- not in a pool of sweat, but in sand that splashed up and covered his still-wet calves. 

When he opened his eyes again to blink away the spots, he found himself on a beach, and his team was gone. 

And Kozume alone was on the other side of the net. 

Panic and jealousy flared up in Tsukishima’s chest, cold and aching and uncomfortable. Kenma looked bored as ever, and pointed down at the ball that Kei was suddenly holding again. 

_ “You just gonna stand there?”  _

He sucked in a breath, and his eyes widened, and he wanted to turn around but  _ couldn’t _ . Kuroo’s voice was right in his ear, but he was frozen in place even as big, warm hands settled on his shoulder blades and nudged him gently forwards. 

_ “Show me what you got, Kei.”  _

Tsukishima tried to beat Kenma. He really did. But every time he tried to block, or spike, the deadpan older man was there to shake his confidence and turn the action against him. His feet sank too deep in the sand, and it was  _ hot _ and burned his feet and chafed between his thighs. The sun was too bright, and his glasses fogged from the humidity and blinded him every time he thought he saw an opening. And Kenma was utterly silent, just moved at inhuman speed and shot down his every opportunity to steal a point.

He lost without scoring even once. 

_ “Mm, shame, Glasses.”  _

Ah, not even his name, anymore. 

_ “Good on me for picking the better player, though.” _

And finally Tsukishima saw him: Kuroo slipped out from behind him and ducked under the net to Kenma’s side, then dipped the shorter man down and kissed him deeply. Kenma let him do as he pleased, and Tsukishima was frozen in place- physically unable to look away. 

Kozume’s eyes lazily slid from where they were locked with Kuroo’s after a moment, catching Tsukishima’s gaze and holding. And then he broke the kiss, yanked Kuroo’s head back with a fist in his hair, and then sank his teeth down over his partner’s adam’s apple. 

  
  
  


Tsukishima woke in a panic and short of breath; his eyes flew open and bolted upright off of Yamaguchi, slapping his own chest to knock loose the petal blocking his windpipe. He gasped for breath, eyes watering when the inhale just made the petal flutter against the sensitive cartilage of his trachea. 

Yamaguchi stirred beside him- apparently he’d drifted to sleep, too- and quickly began to grow frantic as he watched his best friend struggle to breathe beside him. 

“Tsukki, hey, look at me!” He said, eyes wide and brows drawn together in worry, “You’re okay, you’re safe, I’m here.” 

Frightened golden eyes flew to meet hazel, welling up with hot tears while the rest of his face flushed red from lack of oxygen. Swallowing didn’t help. He couldn’t speak. Just wheezed and tried to cough up the petal before it  _ suffocated him _ . One of Yamaguchi’s hands started to slap at his back, trying to help dislodge the petal, and the other cupped his face. 

“You can do this, c’mon, try to calm down and let’s get it up together. Don’t talk, take it slow, do you want some water?” 

Tsukishima squeezed his eyes shut, and shook his head, hands reaching out and balling tightly in Yamaguchi’s shirt. He coughed more forcefully, but then did his best to inhale a little slower even through the feeling of the petal blocking most of his windpipe. He couldn’t take a full breath, but it was still better. 

“I’m gonna count, okay? I want you to do your best to take a breath while I count down, and I want you to cough really hard when I get to zero. Can you do that for me?” Yamaguchi said, still worried, but keeping a level head as best he could for his friend. 

The blonde nodded, jerky as he trembled from the anxiety burning hot in his gut. He felt warm breath on his cheek, and Yamaguchi rested his forehead against his temple and spoke quietly into his ear. 

“Okay. Breathe in, five… four… three… two… one… cough.” 

Tsukishima did, as hard as he was capable of, and felt the petal slip up a bit. They repeated the process several times, and while Kei shook almost violently with every long and difficult breath, he was starting to calm down just enough to  _ get through it _ . 

Finally, the petal flew from his throat to his tongue, and he immediately opened his mouth to pinch it out with his fingers and threw it across the room in disgust.

“Tsukki, come back to me. It’s over, yeah? Breathe.” 

“I fucking  _ hate _ this!” Tsukishima snapped, scrubbing his hands roughly over his face and then settling them into his own hair to yank at it roughly. “It’s not okay, Yamaguchi! Why the  _ fuck _ did I have to get to this point?”

“Who, Tsukki, calm-”

“If you tell me to calm down  _ one _ more fucking time I’m going to punch you in the goddamn mouth!”

Yamaguchi went silent at that, and Tsukishima whipped his head to the side to glare at him- blurry as he was without Kei’s glasses and through the tears spilling down his face. 

“Why are you even here? Why the  _ hell _ would you want to see me like this? You could have just  _ fucked me _ and left, and maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here wishing that someone  _ else  _ was here, comforting me,  _ loving me _ !”

Something changed in Yamaguchi’s eyes at that, but he stayed silent and just let his hands fall away from Tsukishima. 

“I can’t replace him in my head! I  _ want _ to, I want to love you  _ so much  _ more than I love him! But I can’t, and- and you treating me like this and trying to… I don’t even know! Give me what he never will? This isn’t gonna go away just because you try to-”

“Tsukishima, shut the hell up.” Yamaguchi said, voice too calm despite the frustration being poured on him. “You’re having a panic attack, and you’re not thinking rationally.”

“Then what do you  _ want _ ?” Tsukishima spat back. He flinched when Yamaguchi reached up and gently covered Tsukishima’s hands in his hair with his own, detangling them carefully and pulling them back down to the blonde’s lap. 

“I want to help my best friend in the world through a tough time. That’s what friends are for, Tsukki.”

“Friends don’t  _ fuck each other _ .”

“Sure they do. And, I mean, you’re not that far off the mark about one thing. I do love you.”

“I  _ know- _ ”

“But I’m not  _ in love _ with you. Not anymore. We tried that in highschool, and it didn’t work out. I would still do anything for you. Sex is a two-way street, too. You’re not in love with me, either, but you still enjoy when we sleep together. Does it really need anything more?”

Tsukishima paused at that, face still twisted into a pained and sour expression- but he didn’t fight it when Yamaguchi grasped his shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug. 

“I don’t want to lose you. And let’s face it, you’re emotionally constipated as all hell and if you won’t take care of yourself, I have to do it for you. I’m okay with that, as long as you just  _ stay in my life. _ ” The shorter man muttered, his hand rubbing soothingly up and down Tsukishima’s spine. 

Kei sniffled, closed his eyes, and buried himself into Yamaguchi’s shoulder and  _ sobbed. _

Yamaguchi just held him through it; rocked him slowly through the worst of his bawling. The rain was still thrumming on the glass door, even heavier than it had been before. Tsukishima felt like the sky was crying with him. 

Eventually, the hot burning in Tsukishima’s face and chest subsided along with the tears. He just sniffled for a while after that, trying to keep his sinuses from emptying all over Yamaguchi’s shirt. When he finally quieted to soft hiccups and slumped down limply against his friend, Yamaguchi pulled back to look down at him. 

“Feel a little better?” He asked, just above a whisper. Tsukishima could feel his voice vibrating from his chest. 

“... Yeah.”

“Okay. Now we’re gonna order some delivery food, and pig out, and watch some really dumb shit on Youtube until you’re back to your old grumpy self. You do not have a say in this. I am your lord and master.” Yamaguchi offered a small smile at that, and huffed out a sigh of relief when Tsukishima wiped at his eyes with a fist and smiled weakly back. 

“‘M not grumpy.” He replied, sounding a touch indignant, and Yamaguchi just laughed again and patted the top of his head mock-condescendingly. 

“Okay, yeah, sure. Whatever you say, princess.”

  
  
  


True to his word, Yamaguchi ordered them each a pizza (which Tsukishima complained about, he had to watch his food intake playing for the Sendai Frogs), and then put on dumb compilation videos on YouTube until they arrived. The delivery driver was tipped well, of course. It was dangerous to drive on freshly wet roads before all the dirt and sludge was fully washed away, but Tsukishima hadn’t shopped for groceries in a while. Yamaguchi had made a note of it that morning while making breakfast, and chided Tsukishima about it while they ate. 

When the compilations got boring, they switched to video games instead. Kicking each other's asses in Tekken ended with them both playing dirty to win- Yamaguchi would tickle Tsukishima’s thigh, Tsukishima would stick his leg out to block Yamaguchi’s character on the screen. It came down to them physically wrestling, snickering as they took turns pinning each other to the couch and then eventually the floor. 

Tsukishima didn’t have another attack that day, and he went to bed feeling even more relaxed than he had the night before. Sex was good to tire the body, sure. The emotional release he’d gotten from dumping his frustrations on Yamaguchi was even better to tire his mind. There were no unpleasant dreams that night, just warmth curled against his best friend and a hazy feeling of serenity that seeped into his subconscious. 

The rain had stopped before he woke up the next morning. Yamaguchi was curled tightly around him from behind again, and this time he didn’t immediately weasel out of the grasp. He felt good, relaxed. Happy, even. 

He spent almost an hour scrolling through his social media before Yamaguchi began to stir behind him. 

Ah, and something else stirred behind him, too. 

“Mm, g’morning Tsukki…” Yamaguchi slurred, scooching up just enough to peek over the blonde’s shoulder and stare at his Twitter feed. 

“You wanna take care of that before you make a mess of my bed?” Tsukishima answered, casually rolling his hips back and smirking when Yamaguchi hissed and bucked forward against him. 

“It’s not my faaault.” Yamaguchi whined, huffing out a breath and burying his nose in the crook of Tsukishima’s neck. “‘S just morning wood. Was dreaming about that one time, in third year, remember? In the club room?”

“Yeah. The first time you made me cum without letting me touch my dick.”

“Ha, yeah, that was really hot.” Yamaguchi hums, trailing a hand slowly down Tsukishima’s abdomen. He sealed his lips over a previously unmarked patch of skin on the blonde’s neck, suckling at it sweetly. 

Tsukishima could  _ feel _ him smile against him when a pleased sigh slipped out at the action. He still didn’t stop scrolling on his phone. 

“I gotta head back today. Need to finish building my computer before school starts back up. You wanna come with?” Yamaguchi asked, pausing his gentle touches and leaning his forehead against the top knob of Tsukishima’s spine.

“Nah. I…” Tsukishima took a deep breath and then twisted around in Yamaguchi's hold to meet him face-to-face. “I think I need to… just sort of consider what to do next. There’s… surgery for this kind of thing, right?” 

Yamaguchi’s eyes widened, and his lips started to part as horror crept up his spine. 

Tsukishima pressed on before he could respond. 

“I just don’t know how it’s gonna play out with volleyball and classes. I’ve heard it takes a while to recover from it, but school starts back up next week and I’ll have to go back to practice.”

“Tsukki-”

“As long as I don’t think too much I should be okay for a few months. Then take some time off instead of summer classes and get the surgery done.”   
  


“ _ Tsukishima _ !”

“ _ What? _ ” Tsukishima snapped, frowning at Yamaguchi and glaring at him irately. 

“I don’t…” Yamaguchi swallowed, breaking his gaze away from the other man and knitting his brows together as he grasped for words. “I, um, I’m… scared... about talking about this with you right now. I don’t wanna leave you on a sour note, y’know?”

Tsukishima snorted and rolled his eyes.

“You asked.” He grumbled, pushing himself up on his forearm and staring down at Yamaguchi. 

The shorter man gnawed lightly on his lip at that, silent for a moment but not withdrawing the limbs he’d tangled around his companion. 

“You’re right.” He sighed, one thumb tracing lightly over Tsukishima’s hip bone. “I’m sorry. Uh, do you wanna… get some breakfast before I go?” 

“It’s five in the morning. Nothing is open this early.” 

“Oh. Right.” 

Tsukishima’s gaze drifted down, then, and he slowly reached out a hand to trace over the slightly-flagged erection tenting Yamaguchi’s boxers. “I’m sure we could bide our time somehow…” 

Yamaguchi closed his eyes and sighed, rolling his hips into the touch and sliding his hand up to scratch his thumb nail lightly over one of Tsukishima’s pale, pink nipples. The blonde hitched a breath, and was catching Yamaguchi’s lips in a searing kiss before the other man could see it coming. 

For a moment, Tsukishima thought he’d quite like to ride Yamaguchi until noon; hold onto him as long as he can. He was on his back in the next moment, though, with the other man slipping between his legs and splaying his hands over his thighs. Yamaguchi’s tongue pushed past his lips and licked at his own- and Tsukishima pulled back to grimace half-heartedly at him. 

“Morning breath.” He groused, shoving at Yamaguchi’s shoulder. Both of them were disappointed at the loss of contact, but the shorter man pulled back easily all the same. 

“Yours isn’t much better, you know.” Yamaguchi teased, throwing his legs over the side of the bed to stand. 

Tsukishima chuckled at the tent poking out obnoxiously from Yamaguchi’s boxers, but knows he’s not in much better shape. 

“Spare toothbrush?” Yamaguchi asked, already moving towards the bathroom. 

“Under the sink.” Tsukishima answered. He stood to follow, and hissed at the cold tile under his bare feet. His glasses sat abandoned on the nightstand- he didn’t need to see to brush his teeth, and they’d be knocked off as soon as they went back to bed anyway. 

Their brushing was quick and perfunctory. Just enough to not be disgusted by each other’s breath anymore. Soon they were crashing back onto the bed, hands everywhere, and hips rutting impatiently together. 

Tsukishima didn’t want it sweet and caring this time, he wanted Yamaguchi to press him into the sheets and fuck him until his body ached for days. Luckily for him, Yamaguchi was more than happy to oblige. 

“Fuck, Tsukki, you’re… really pretty like this…” Yamaguchi groaned, two fingers deep in the blonde and fixated on the gorgeous lips he’d bitten red and swollen. 

“You’re- ah, you’re pretty hot when you-  _ fuck _ , take control like this…” Tsukishima complimented back. 

Yamaguchi seemed to like that, and rewarded Tsukishima with a finger that rubbed slow and hard against his prostate. Tsukishima’s eyes rolled back and a strangled moan flew off his lips as his legs twitched and hips jerked upwards. Yamaguchi hummed, pleased, and shoved a third finger inside him at the same time he dove down and sucked the head of Tsukishima’s cock into his mouth. 

Hot pleasure coiled in Tsukishima’s gut, threatening to come undone too soon if Yamaguchi kept going like he was. He shoved his hands forward in panic, fisting into dark hair and yanking Yamaguchi off him. His flushed chest heaved unevenly, and it took him a second to realize that the fingers had slowed to a careful stretch instead of fucking mercilessly against his prostate. 

“You okay?” Yamaguchi asked. His eyes were half-lidded with arousal- he knew  _ exactly _ why Tsukishima had pushed him off. 

And, God, it really was unfair how much  _ hotter _ Yamaguchi had gotten over the years. His jaw was a little more square, and he’d maintained a fair bit of muscle built up from their time on the team at Karasuno. He’d probably gained even  _ more _ since then. The baby face he’d had their first year had given way to a more gruff appearance- he might even look a bit like Asahi if he let his facial hair grow out a bit. 

So when Tsukishima looked down, and saw that attractive jaw tilt to the side and bite lightly into his thigh, he couldn’t help but whine  _ loudly _ and let his legs fall open even further. 

“Yamaguchi, I... fucking  _ hate  _ it... when you tease me- ah,  _ shit!”  _ Yamaguchi didn’t care to hear the rest of what Tsukishima was going to say, apparently, because suddenly he was hiking the blonde’s thighs over his shoulders and shoving his tongue as deep into him as he could. 

Tsukishima’s face burned almost uncomfortably hot at that, and his dick jerked and dribbled out a fat drop of precome onto his raised abdomen. He could hear the filthy, wet sounds as Yamaguchi sucked and licked at his stretched rim, along with the low growl that rumbled against Tsukishima’s skin and  _ inside him _ . 

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been eaten out. He didn’t think he’d have missed it this much. 

Teeth scraped lightly against him, and one of Tsukishima’s hands abandoned Yamaguchi’s hair to curl into the sheets instead. 

“ _ Fuck _ , Y-Yama… you’re a bastard…” he snarled, but the angry tone he was going for was far too breathless and slurred to really come off as intimidating. 

“Mm, you love it…” Yamaguchi said from between his thighs, and Tsukishima’s hips ground up against his face when the tongue slipped out to speak- proving Yamaguchi’s point easily. 

“You’re… not kissing me again after this…” Tsukishima warned, but the glare that came at him from between his thighs had him swallowing thickly in arousal at the  _ challenge _ they presented.

Yamaguchi pulled back at the comment, too, and unceremoniously dropped Tsukishima’s thighs off him. The blonde thudded back against the bed with a surprised huff, and had no time to react before Yamaguchi’s hand was fisted tightly in his hair and forced his head to crane back. 

“Fine. I’ll just have to make my mouth useful elsewhere.” Yamaguchi said, low and dangerous. Unbeknownst to Tsukishima, the other man’s free hand had grasped his own slick cock, and he barely registered it lining up with his hole until Yamaguchi was biting his right pectoral  _ hard _ and snapping his hips forward into him. 

A sharp and ragged moan filled the room as Tsukishima jerked at the dual sensations of pleasure and pain. Yamaguchi stilled when his hips were flush against Tsukishima’s ass, and licked apologetically over the rapidly darkening bite mark. He knew the blonde enjoyed the rough treatment, though, so he wasted no time laying another bite down around one pert nipple. 

“Sh-shit… really are a bastard…” Tsukishima groaned weakly. He felt like he was burning up  _ everywhere _ , and his cock was now steadily dribbling out precome that pooled just beneath his bellybutton. 

“You said that already. Losing your edge,  _ Kei _ .” 

Hearing his given name in such a low, heated voice did things to Tsukishima that he would absolutely deny later. The fullness he felt had him shaking lightly with every exhale, and he rolled his hips up against Yamaguchi to just  _ enjoy  _ the feeling. 

“Oh, that just isn’t fair.” Yamaguchi whined. His fist finally uncurled from Tsukishima’s hair, choosing instead to grasp one of the blonde’s thighs and pushing him to spread wider. He straightened back up to look down at where they were connected, hummed in approval at what he saw, and pulled back slowly just to slam forward again. 

Tsukishima found himself fixated on the shine of Yamaguchi’s lips where remnants of lube clung to his skin, even as Yamaguchi started to fuck into him in earnest. It was hot, and he was far too tempted to break his ‘no kisses’ rule. So he did. 

His hands moved to grab Yamaguchi by the shoulders and he hauled him down to lock their lips together again. The wet sound of Yamaguchi thrusting into him stopped when the shorter man’s hips came to a stop, and Tsukishima huffed out in displeasure and bit Yamaguchi’s lower lip. 

“Hey, if you want me to last you better let me take a damn breath. Too damn hot, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi murmured into the kiss, but started to grind inside Tsukishima slow and deep all the same. 

The way Yamaguchi’s cock dragged against Tsukishima’s prostate was  _ maddening _ . Pleasure curled tight and hot in his gut, but not  _ enough _ . Even as Yamaguchi licked into his mouth and pinched at an already swollen nipple, he needed  _ more _ .

“At least… ah, have the decency to touch- mn, my dick.” Tsukishima grumbled back, and Yamaguchi just  _ laughed. _

“Little busy holding you up. Why don’t you jerk yourself off?”

“ _ Fuck _ you.” Tsukishima did so, all the same. One of his arms slipped tighter around Yamaguchi’s neck to hold him in place, and the other slipped between their bodies to grasp his own cock. 

“Doing so, currently.” Yamaguchi snorted, and then there was no more talk when he caught Tsukishima’s lips again and started to pick up his pace. 

Neither of them ended up lasting very long after that. Yamaguchi knew exactly what Tsukishima liked- exactly which spots to bite to make him moan the loudest and buck his hips and stroke himself faster. When Yamaguchi eventually hauled Tsukishima up and into his lap to go even  _ deeper _ , the searing hot pressure in his gut  _ burst  _ and he arched his back and came so hard he saw  _ stars _ . His hips bounced jerky and uneven in Yamaguchi’s lap, and he vaguely felt warmth flood him just before he let out one last moan and slumped heavily against the other man. 

They just breathed together for a few minutes after that, with Yamaguchi’s fingers tracing nonsense patterns over Tsukishima’s lower back while Tsukishima carded his own digits through Yamaguchi’s hair. 

“Sun’s finally up” Yamaguchi murmured after a while, starting to carefully disentangle their limbs. 

“Mm. Breakfast before you go?”

“Your fridge is abysmal. Wouldn’t object to a cafe?”

“Shower first.” Tsukishima muttered, and then made no attempt whatsoever to move away from Yamaguchi’s lap. 

“Five more minutes in bed?” Yamaguchi asked, shifting just a little to finally pull out of the blonde. Tsukishima grimaced, but didn’t say anything of it. 

“I hate being sticky.” 

“Fine, fine. Get off me then.” 

Tsukishima did, finally, and immediately made his way to the bathroom on only slightly shaky legs. Yamaguchi wandered off to find fresh towels, and joined him just as Tsukishima was stepping into the warm water. They didn’t rush to clean up- just took their time letting the water run over them for a few minutes before they scrubbed themselves down. 

The rest of the morning went by far too quickly for Tsukishima. They walked to a small diner a block away from his apartment, and both ate food with way too much sugar to be considered healthy. 

_ It’s comfort food _ , Yamaguchi had said, pancakes drowning in syrup. The bloated feeling Tsukishima felt when his French toast was finished made him disagree with the statement. 

The walk back to the apartment was taken slowly on purpose- neither of them was sure when they’d see each other again like this. Both of them were in school with course loads that overwhelmed them on a good day, and Tsukishima’s volleyball career ate up most of his time when he  _ wasn’t _ in class or studying. 

So they held hands, and walked slow, and talked about nothing of real importance. When they reached the apartment, and Yamaguchi gathered his keys and his wallet and a shirt he’d left over the last time he had been there, Tsukishima felt an impending sense of dread. 

Yamaguchi kissed him before he left. It was sweet, and tender, and carried all of Yamaguchi’s real feelings for him in it, and Tsukishima accepted it. He made a promise to check in once a week, and to reach out in an emergency. 

And then Yamaguchi was gone, and Tsukishima was alone again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mm so in the process of writing this I realized that the story has taken on a bit of a mind of its own and is definitely going to be longer than the 3 chapters I thought it would be. Since uh, I had Yamaguchi and Tsukishima fuck twice I will later have to even the score with the main pairing of this fic oops. Expect... I dunno, at least 3 more chapters? With varying degrees of me making Tsukishima suffer. I love him but it's gonna be so worth it later. So worth it. Anyway, leave a comment if you like it and let me know how I'm doing! Haven't written this much in a hot minute so I wanna see what feedback y'all have for me. Thanks!


	3. You're Going To Be The Death Of Me (But Would You Even Care?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It gets worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I had only halfway planned this fic so this chapter took me by surprise and UH forgive me in advance. There's no sex in this chapter, just sweet, sweet misery.

The rest of the week was…  _ trying _ , to say the least. The biggest problem Tsukishima had was filling his day with things to do. Yamaguchi kept texting him most every day, and his mother called to check on how his break was going. Placating her was easy enough, although he didn’t exactly enjoy hiding the truth from her when she asked about his health. If she began to worry, he could expect her to show up at his doorstep and forcibly insert herself into his apartment for  _ who knew _ how long. 

It was easier when school started back up. Boring as his classes were, they kept his mind occupied. Volleyball was the highlight of his day, and the sweet ache of his muscles at the end of a particularly grueling practice was enough to keep him grounded. Most of the time, anyway. 

He checked in with Yamaguchi once a week, as he promised, and they mostly just chatted idly while they each studied for their various classes. He didn’t think about Kuroo as often with how deeply he threw himself into his schoolwork and volleyball. The clock steadily read later and later in the evening each day when he would finally make it to bed, too tired to suffer the repercussions if his mind  _ did _ bring the other man into his field of thought. By the time that grin would flicker across the backs of his eyes, sleep had claimed him and softer dreams of nothing wrested his anxieties away. 

A month passed. And then another. He had the odd attack here and there, but he’d been lucky enough to be out of the public eye for each of them. Just safe, at home, curled up in his beds with his covers thrown off and hands clawing at his chest in pain. He counted the seconds between coughs. Just as Yamaguchi taught him. It was mostly successful to make the attacks less terrifying, but no less agonizing. 

He broke his glasses on a Thursday night, smashing his face on the coffee table.

His schoolwork was finished, dinner eaten, and body clean after being drenched in sweat after practice. Flipping through genre after genre on Netflix, Tsukishima was relaxed and content- if not a bit bored. It was late, but he didn’t have class the next day, and he’d just decided to rewatch one of his old favorite animes to see how it held up over time. 

It didn’t hold up, not really. But it was just enough background noise to scroll through Twitter to and still be able to partially pay attention to what was happening on the screen. Hinata has been live tweeting his reaction to a movie he was watching. Kageyama shared a few things from the official Adlers Twitter. A few posts from Nishinoya, and Tanaka, Yamaguchi, and some celebrities he followed. Nothing particularly riveting. 

Still, it was generally a pleasant evening. 

Until his phone began to buzz in his hand, and the call notification appeared at the top of his screen. And his blood ran cold. 

**Kuroo Tetsurou** sat ominously perched above his feed, taunting him even as a pleasant melody played from his phone speaker. A good five seconds passed before he could even properly react, but by then he was already starting to  _ shake _ . He wanted to hang up, to escape and pretend that this wasn’t happening. 

But Kuroo  _ never _ called, and… well, if something was  _ wrong _ , Tsukishima couldn’t find it in himself to turn away. 

“Hello?” Tsukishima answered, trying to hide the waver in his voice by clearing his throat. 

“Tsukishima! Hey, listen, did I do something wrong?” 

Oh, just his voice had Tsukishima’s eyes growing uncomfortably hot and damp. Kuroo hadn’t done anything wrong. He’d done everything wrong. 

“I don’t understand.” Tsukishima answered, taking in slow breaths to keep down the tickle he could already feel in his chest. 

“Like, did I piss you off somehow? We don’t really talk much, I know, but if I said something or-”

“Kuroo, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Tsukishima cut him off, impatient to just  _ get to the point _ so he could end the conversation politely and go purge his lungs of petals for the next  _ hour _ .

“You blocked me! Everywhere!” Kuroo accused, and Tsukishima heard the whoosh of air against the receiver as the object of his affections huffed out an angry sigh. “I just wanted to know if it was something I could… apologize for, I guess. Or at least  _ figure out _ what I did to lose a friend.”

A friend. Was that what they were? After all this time of barely speaking and one-sided desire for more? It didn’t seem like the right word, exactly.

“Ah, that, I…” Tsukishima swallowed thickly and wracked his brain for a reasonable excuse. This was entirely unanticipated. What was he supposed to say? That Kuroo had gotten him sick with an affliction that may well kill him from sheer  _ emotion _ ? That he couldn’t bear the sight of the love of his life being happy with someone that could never be  _ him _ ? Or perhaps that he was more willing to let a garden grow in his lungs and choke him to death before he’d inconvenience Kuroo with the burden of his life?

“I didn’t realize I had. Must have happened in my pocket, I guess.” He lied, closing his eyes and running his free hand through his hair. Then his fingers curled in the blonde locks, and started to tug just enough to sting a little. Some physical sensation to hold on to, at least. 

“Dude. You blocked me  _ everywhere _ . Kenma, too.” Kuroo said, after a moment of quiet. Tsukishima thought he heard… disappointment, almost, in his tone. “That doesn’t happen by accident. I don’t…” Kuroo sighed again, and then took a deep breath, “Why are you lying to me, man? Is everything okay with you?” 

Tsukishima bit the inside of his cheek and clenched his eyes tightly shut. His efforts couldn’t stop the first tears from slipping through his lids, anyway, dripping down his cheeks and landing warm on his knee.

“It’s nothing. You didn’t do anything. Like you said, we don’t talk much.” 

“So, what, you lose contact with someone and just… cut them out of your life? That doesn’t make sense, but. I mean if you wanted to hang out more you could have asked?” Kuroo answered. 

Tsukishima coughed. Once. Softly. 

“I didn’t… mean it like that. It just… I wasn’t really thinking about it. I’m, uh, I’m sorry. I’ll unblock you.” He said, and this time he couldn’t manage to hide the way his voice broke at the last sentence, or the half-breath he took before a sob fell from his lips. “I’ll talk to you later, Kuroo-”

“Wait, wait, Tsukki, are you oka-” Kuroo tried, his own voice sounding tight with concern.

“I’ve gotta go. Homework.” Tsukishima lied, throat beginning to burn and chest clenching painfully. 

“No, fuck,  _ hang on _ !”

“Goodnight, Kuroo.”

Tsukishima tore the phone from his ear before Kuroo could say anything else. His hands shook so bad that it took two tries before his thumb landed on the ‘end call’ button, and as soon as it was done the phone was tossed to the other side of the couch in frustration. 

He was heaving to breathe through his angry, frustrated sobbing even before the coughing started. It felt like there were hot coals burning just behind his sternum, and the wet lump in his throat came with a headache that he felt growing at the base of his skull. Both of his hands were now wrapped around his middle, clawing at fistfuls of fabric just to have something to hold on to. One stunted inhale was too much for the petal tickling at his windpipe, then, and he coughed hard enough that his stomach seized up for a moment. 

A hand flew to his mouth as he gagged; nothing came up, but another cough wracked through him and something…  _ bigger _ than a petal lodged low in his throat. Something that limited his air flow like nothing else had so far. 

Counting did nothing, because the object wouldn’t allow enough air past it to let him take anywhere near a full breath. Beside him, the phone began to ring again, but the sound seemed dull compared to the roar of blood rushing in his ears. His whole frame jerked with the need to take in oxygen- his diaphragm spasmed and he balled his hands into fists and beat desperately against his chest. Something,  _ anything _ , to unstick whatever it was and just get enough air in his lungs. Everything hurt; his muscles all pulled and squeezed and tightened in his ribcage and his vision was starting to swim. 

_ I’m really going to die _ , he thought, toes curling and calves clenching uncomfortably as his whole body started to seize up in his panic and fear.  _ I’m going to die over a fucking phone call. _

He wasn’t ready for that. He wanted to see Yamaguchi again. Akiteru. His mother. His friends. 

Kuroo.

Somehow, he managed another hard cough even through the minimal amount of airflow he was getting, and he threw himself forward to try and run to the bathroom. The sink counter was high enough, maybe he could remember how to perform the Heimlich on himself. 

He didn’t get a chance, though, because the second he was upright, a wave of dizziness slammed into him and the world went sideways and then pain exploded across his nose and he heard a sickening crack. 

He landed on his chest, and it knocked the object further up his throat. Two petals shot upwards on his next cough, and he spat them both out with no regard for where they landed. 

But it wasn’t over, and he still couldn’t breathe any easier. Nor could he open his eyes as they throbbed with a new pain, hot and sharp and only intensified by his coughing. Once again, he tried to pound at his chest with every cough, and it worked about every other time. Every inch the object moved up burned as if it were slicing up his throat on its way, and the coppery taste of blood filling his mouth seemed to be proving his theory.

Finally,  _ finally,  _ it rested just at the back of his throat, and one last weak cough was enough to let him shove his fingers all the way in his mouth and grasp at and  _ yank _ it free. 

The first real breath he took was a loud and wet gasp, and as his oxygen-starved brain finally registered the sweet relief of air, everything started to hurt  _ worse.  _ He didn’t even try to open his eyes and inspect what the  _ fuck _ exactly was resting in his hand. He could wager a guess by the feeling of soft frills and the waxy bulb holding them together. Under the slick feeling of his own saliva and blood.

He just breathed, and sobbed, and cradled his face and his definitely broken nose. Time passed by without him being particularly aware of it. He didn’t care. There was no calming down by himself right now if he  _ tried _ .

The sound of his front door opening didn’t even reach him, nor the quiet question of his name that came from it. What did catch his attention, though, was the sharp gasp and the quick thudding of feet in his direction, and then the solid thump of knees hitting the rug beside him. 

“ _ Kei _ ! Oh, fuck, hey, hold on, I’m calling a fucking ambulance.” 

Ah. Right. It was Friday, and he’d missed their weekly call. Yamaguchi must have gotten worried. 

“‘M sorry…” Tsukishima croaked out, twisting around on the floor and reaching out until he could feel his best friend beside him. Solid. Steady. 

“Shh, don’t talk, we’re gonna get you fixed up, okay?” Yamaguchi soothed, and Tsukishima could hear him tapping numbers into his phone. 

“Wait, jus’ drive me… please…” He said, reaching up blindly to bat at where Yamaguchi’s phone might be. 

“Tsukki you are not okay and I don’t know if I can stay calm enough to drive your car right now!” 

Well, at least he was honest. 

“Please…” Tsukishima begged, catching Yamaguchi’s sleeve in his fingers by some miracle- and then holding on like a lifeline. “‘S fine. I can breathe again. My nose jus’ hurts now.” 

There was silence for a moment, and with his best efforts Tsukishima was finally able to pry his eyes open and squint up at the blur that was his best friend. 

“I’ll go to the hospital. Just don’t make me go… in an ambulance…” His throat felt so raw. He tasted the unpleasant copper of blood, and every inhale was a struggle against the hiccups his diaphragm was now pulling from him. 

Yamaguchi gnawed on his lower lip, and his brows furrowed as he tried to weigh his options as swiftly as possible. Tsukishima couldn’t see his expression, though. Tears were still freely slipping down his cheeks, and the glasses were honestly the least of Yamaguchi’s concern. 

“I… know you aren’t going to…  _ agree _ to this idea, but… I think I need to call someone else to help. I don’t think I’m gonna be able to focus on the road with you like this. I just want to make sure you’re alright.” Yamaguchi took a breath, and then let it out slowly. Staying calm for Tsukishima needed to be his job, but the flecks of blood that sat on the blonde’s lips and pale cheeks had his blood running ice cold with anxiety. 

Tsukishima didn’t respond right away, but he didn’t protest when Yamaguchi gingerly lifted him to sit and held him against his chest. He could hear the way his best friend’s heart was thudding far too quickly, and it soothed him, just a little. 

“Hey, I’m gonna take your phone, okay? Who’s close enough to get here fast?” Yamaguchi said, reaching over Tsukishima carefully to grab the phone that was still occupying the couch cushion. Tsukishima just sobbed again at the reminder of what had triggered the attack and buried a first in Yamaguchi’s shirt. 

Still, he needed to  _ try _ and focus. The sooner they got to the hospital, the sooner he could be loaded full of painkillers and not have to  _ think _ . 

“Da… Daichi… Doesn’t live far…” Tsukishima said. He was breathing hard still, but just having Yamaguchi there to hold him in the moment was helping him clear his mind a bit and his sobs were starting to abate some. 

“Right, yeah, that’s a good idea. I’m gonna go ahead and- ah” Yamaguchi paused, and Tsukishima wondered if he caught sight of Tsukishima’s recent calls. The next thing out of his mouth was too soft; too pitying. 

“Oh, Tsukki…” 

_ Yeah,  _ Tsukishima thinks,  _ he definitely saw it _ .

Yamaguchi sighed and ran one hand gently through blonde hair, but made no other comment on it. 

Instead, Tsukishima heard the quiet, tinny sound of the phone ringing at Yamaguchi’s ear. He could hear Daichi’s voice when he picked up, but honestly he had done his part, and he felt like he’d earned a little check-out. He leaned more heavily against Yamaguchi’s chest and just tried to calm his breathing a little. Yamaguchi was talking, but he just let the noise settle in his ears without bothering to actually listen to them. 

Little by little- and with the help of a warm hand that moved to rub small circles between his shoulder blades- Tsukishima stopped sobbing. The hiccups grew less frequent, too, and before he knew it, he was breathing with only a  _ little _ difficulty. It still burned, but he was just too exhausted to care anymore.

Before he could react, he was being lifted to his feet- by two people. 

“-shima? Tsukishima, can you hear me?” 

Daichi? Already? He hadn’t even heard Yamaguchi end the call. 

“I… yeah…” he muttered back, prying one eye open to look at his left where his former volleyball captain was helping to prop him up. He was close enough to not be  _ too _ blurry, but Tsukishima couldn’t make out any features that might have changed since high school. At least it made him feel a little more familiar, despite the years they had been apart.

“Do you know where you are?” Daichi’s voice was calm and steady, speaking slow and clear enough for Tsukishima to be able to understand. 

“Home… I think… I can’t see…” 

“Yeah. Your glasses broke. You remember that?” 

They were moving, now, and Tsukishima did his best to keep up. Mostly he just tripped over his own feet, but the other two men kept him vertical. 

“Hit the… coffee table, I think.” Tsukishima answered, furrowing his brow- and then hissing when that pulled on the sensitive and swollen skin over the bridge of his nose. 

“Take it easy, Tsukishima. You’re doing well, but you seem concussed. I know it hurts to talk, but I need you to stay awake and keep communicating with us.” Daichi said, jostling Tsukishima slightly when he pulled the front door open for the three of them. “Simple answers are fine. You can nod or shake your head if you want.”

Tsukishima nodded. 

“Is there anyone else you want us to contact when we get to the hospital?” 

He didn’t want to worry his mother. Not yet, at least. He really didn’t need any more of his friends hearing about what was happening, though. The more people that knew, the more likely it was that one of them would contact Kuroo. 

Tsukishima coughed a little, and groaned as everything ached at it. 

“How about your captain?” Yamaguchi cut in, and Tsukishima silently thanked whatever deity was watching over him that he was there to act as his brain. 

“Yeah. Him.” Tsukishima agreed, grateful when they came to a brief pause outside the elevators. Moving was too disorienting, and nausea was beginning to roil around in his stomach. 

“Okay. We’ll do that after we get there so you can write down his contact information for us. Depending on how severe your condition is, you might be at the hospital for a while. Do you want me to come back and pack you a bag after I drop you off?” Daichi asked. 

“I… we could… now…” Tsukishima tried, frowning over at Yamaguchi on his right. 

“No. We need to get you checked in.” Yamaguchi said firmly, a resolved edge to his tone that left no room for argument. “I’m sure you aren’t going to tell your mother about this immediately. Am I right?” 

Tsukishima dropped his blurry gaze back to the ground as the elevator doors opened and they moved forward into it. “Not yet.” he muttered, knowing he was fully unprepared to handle  _ that _ conversation any time soon. 

“Okay. Then either I can come back later, or I can contact your brother. Which do you prefer?” Yamaguchi offered, adjusting his grip around Tsukishima’s waist to hold him more firmly. 

“You.” Tsukishima answered immediately, but then thought better of it. 

Akiteru wasn’t likely to tell their mother without his explicit permission, and while they hadn’t had the  _ best _ sibling relationship in the world… it would be nice to have some family with him. 

“Wait… no… Akiteru…” he revised, feeling mildly ashamed of himself for trying to keep his brother in the dark. They’d been repairing things through the years, and while he worried his mother would lecture him or fuss too much, he didn’t expect Akiteru to react as badly as she might. 

“Good. I had a feeling that might be the case.” Yamaguchi said, and Tsukishima could practically hear his smile. Bastard. How dare he know Tsukishima so well. 

They carried on like that all the way to the parking garage, but once they were in the car, Daichi ordered Tsukishima to just stay awake and tap on Yamaguchi’s knee to prove his consciousness along the way. Commanding and sensible, just as Tsukishima remembered. 

The drive to the hospital didn’t take particularly long given how late into the evening it was, and the roads had cleared significantly. Tsukishima dutifully tapped at Yamaguchi’s knee, but had to be nudged once or twice when he nearly nodded off. Daichi asked Yamaguchi for further details, but it didn’t seem like he was prying too deeply into the  _ who _ of the situation. Tsukishima was glad for that, and didn’t particularly tune in to the rest of the conversation.

Daichi stopped at the entrance to let Tsukishima and Yamaguchi out, and then drove off to park his car. A nurse greeted them there with a wheelchair for Tsukishima, and immediately began asking the basic routine questions to determine his condition. Yamaguchi mostly responded for him, but every so often he was prompted to answer for himself. He did his best, although it was starting to feel like he was speaking around a mouthful of cotton in his bone-deep exhaustion. 

He stayed conscious only as long as he was forced to, and did what little paperwork and signing of forms as he was able to do before they finally hooked him into an IV and left him to rest. The hospital bed was uncomfortable, and the sheets too thin to properly keep out the cold of the room, but it didn’t matter when he managed to lay down fully and relax his body. The painkillers worked quickly, and left him numb enough to slip into a relatively peaceful slumber. 

Yamaguchi’s lips brushing delicately over the skin of his wrist was the last thing he felt before he let sleep take him.

* * *

It shouldn’t have taken so long for him to notice, really. Sure, they hadn’t kept in contact  _ that _ well, but that was no excuse. After all, they’d just seen each other… ah, well, it had only felt like a few weekends ago. But it was early June, now, and it had been late March when Hinata had last gathered their little group together for lunch. 

Even so, it wasn’t like he was  _ avoiding _ Tsukishima. They were both adults with busy schedules who lived in different cities, opportunities to see one another were few and far between. Maybe he should have reached out for himself more often, it just… hadn’t crossed his mind. 

Until he tried to check Tsukishima’s Twitter, and found himself blocked from the page. 

His brows furrowed as he stared at the message for probably too long, utterly baffled at what he saw. Blocked? For what reason? Was it a fluke? 

It was the same on all his other social media, though, and Kuroo grew increasingly frustrated as he found himself unable to check on him at  _ all. _

“Hey, Kenmaaa!” He called out to the other room, leg jiggling impatiently where it was draped over the arm of the couch he was reclining on. 

He wasn’t even granted a verbal reply, but his phone buzzed in his hand a second later with a text from the other man. 

‘ **Streaming. Please be quiet.** ’

Kuroo rolled his eyes, but didn’t bother trying to fight back. Streaming was important to Kenma, and since he was fairly famous by now, it wouldn’t do to interrupt and bring this personal issue into the public eye. 

‘ **Can u check Tsukishima’s social media for me? I think I might have done smth but idk what. Lmk if u find out.** ’ He texted back, and then shoved himself up from his sideways position on the couch to get to his feet. It probably would be a while before Kenma replied to him again, if he did so at all before the stream ended. He was about two hours in now, so it wasn’t likely to go on  _ too _ much longer. He hoped. 

In the meantime, he’d start dinner to appease the grouchy beast that was a hungry, post-stream Kenma. Besides, stewing over the situation with little to no information would drive him nuts, and he had to keep otherwise occupied to keep the overthinking at bay. 

Every few minutes his phone was checked, but it wasn’t until he heard the other man’s door slowly creak open an hour later that he got an answer. 

“What’d you find out?” Kuroo asked, setting down the bowls of curry rice he’d made for them at the table. Kenma looked tired and had a small frown on his face as he sat down and pulled his bowl closer to pick at. “And eat your vegetables. I’m making you clean the kitchen if you don’t.” 

Kenma just turned his irritated gaze up at him and pointed his chopsticks accusingly at Kuroo. 

“Whatever you did got me blocked, too.” He said simply, watching Kuroo’s expression go from mildly concerned to downright  _ distressed _ . 

“Whoa, wait, really?” Kuroo said, eyebrows knitting together and one his shoulders drooping in disappointment. 

Kenma shrugged and looked down at his food again, shoving the chopsticks into it and mixing it around idly. “Yeah. Looked everywhere. Sent Shouyo a message, see if he knows anything. Haven’t heard back yet.”

Kuroo huffed and let his head fall back to hang off the back of the chair he was in. He thought back through their last interaction, wondering what exactly he had done to piss the blonde off. 

Tsukishima had always been a little cold, anyway, but… he’d been  _ particularly _ dismissive the last time they’d gotten together. He’d avoided eye contact with Kuroo, spoke almost exclusively to Hinata and Yamaguchi, and had even left early before they could get to the bar they’d intended to visit together that evening. Kuroo hadn’t really taken notice of it then, but thinking back it had been a bit unusual. They hadn’t talked since that day, so maybe he posted something? But most of the things he shared were just dumb, harmless memes and selfies and updates about his life. 

“Stop thinking so hard and eat. I can see smoke coming out of your ears.” Kenma muttered from across the table, soft in a different way from normal. He was always quiet anyways, but they’d known each other long enough now that Kuroo could pick up even the slightest deviation from his normal tone. 

“Yeah.” Kuroo sighed, lifting his head and finally starting on his food. 

They ate in relative silence after that, with only the clinking of their utensils against the bowls ringing out between them. Kuroo tried to focus on the taste of the food, but his mind kept turning back to the way he’d caught Tsukishima staring at him when he’d tasted Kenma’s latte at the coffee shop they’d gone to together. His expression had been as unreadable as ever, but  _ something _ had flickered in his eyes in the split second before the blonde snapped away and stood from the table, announcing that he had forgotten an assignment and had to get home to finish it immediately. 

“You’re still thinking too hard.” Kenma scolded when they finished their food, standing to collect the dishes and bring them to the kitchen. 

“I wasn’t done eating.” Kuroo complained, glaring half-heartedly after his roommate who paid him no mind. 

“Staring blankly at the last two bites of rice isn’t eating. If it’s bothering you so much, try asking him directly.”

“He blocked-”

“Did you check his cell phone?”

Ah. No, he hadn’t, actually. 

He was on his feet and scrolling through his contact list on the way to his room before Kenma could even make it back to the kitchen. 

“Don’t be too aggressive.” Kenma said, but Kuroo wasn’t even paying attention anymore. All he wanted was answers, and this was the most direct way to them, anyway.

The door was loud when it banged shut, but Kenma probably didn’t mind anyway. Kuroo was boisterous and a tad rowdy on any given day, so loud noises only bothered Kenma now when he was streaming or sleeping. Honestly, though, Kuroo wasn’t even considering the smaller man’s feelings at that moment. 

He’d found Tsukishima’s contact before he’d reached the room, but it wasn’t until he was seated at his desk chair and bent over with his elbows on his knees that he actually hit the call button. 

The conversation didn’t ease his worries in the slightest. 

Tsukishima had seemed totally caught off guard and flustered, had even  _ lied _ to him about it which… wasn’t a good sign. Kuroo felt like he should be angry. Instead, he was upset and more than a little concerned. 

A quiet knock sounded at his door, and Kuroo didn’t bother to lift his head from where it was buried in his hands when he called Kenma in. 

“Okay?” Kenma asked, softly padding across the floor to seat himself on the edge of Kuroo’s bed. 

“No.” Kuroo answered honestly, running a hand through his hair in frustration. He looked up at the other man, seeing the flicker of concern in his eyes that most other people would miss under his carefully neutral face. 

“I heard back from Hinata.” Kenma said slowly, carefully. Kuroo didn’t like that one bit. 

“So… what’s the news, then?” 

Kenma was quiet for a moment, and Kuroo found his leg starting to bounce a bit. Too irritated. He needed to calm down, but the way Kenma’s eyes suddenly shifted to look at the floor just had Kuroo’s blood running cold in anxiety.

“I don’t know the details. Hinata either. Yamaguchi told him, vaguely-”

“Kenma please just spit it out.” 

“He’s sick.”

Kuroo froze. A million scenarios flashed through his head, all of them too fast for him to properly process a single one fully. It felt like he was going through emotional whiplash just from the implications of Tsukishima having a mystery illness that made him try and disconnect with his  _ friends _ . 

It just wasn’t right. 

“He… sounded… bad. On the phone.” Kuroo breathed, straightening up from his slumped posture and staring at his phone. 

Neither of them spoke for a few minutes, and Kenma just fidgeted uncomfortably on Kuroo’s bed. It was late now, and usually the Youtuber was in bed by now. But he was also always there for Kuroo, and this was no exception. 

“Man.” Kuroo muttered, once again running a hand through his messy hair. “This sucks.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kenma asked, shifting to tuck his feet up under him on the bed. 

“You should probably sleep, right?”

“I don’t mind.”

“You know, right?” Kuroo’s voice went quieter, then. 

“Yeah.” Kenma answered, the one-syllable word packed with so much care and understanding that Kuroo could hardly stand it. 

“I think I need to see him.” 

“That might not help, you know.”

Kuroo groaned in frustration and hauled himself out of the chair, then went to crash face-down onto the bed beside Kenma. He felt so cold with anxiety, but a warm hand settled between his shoulder blades and patted him sympathetically. It was a small comfort, but a comfort all the same. 

“If you really need to, I’ll contact Yamaguchi. See if he’ll help you out.” Kenma offered, and though Kuroo wasn’t looking, he could tell the other man was already whipping his phone back out. 

“Yeah. Please.” Kuroo sighed out, then turned his head to the side to smile a little pitifully at his roommate. “Have I ever told you how much I love and appreciate you, my very best friend in the wo-” 

He was cut off by Kenma’s hand smooshing into his face, and a disgusted groan that he could tell was both irritated and fond simultaneously. 

“I’m going to sleep. You should, too.” Kenma said, giving Kuroo a final, soft smack to the face before hopping off Kuroo’s bed and moving to the door. He hesitated there for a moment, hand on the doorknob, and looked back at the taller man. “I’ll let you know as soon as I know something. Try to relax. Goodnight.” 

“You’re the best, bro!” Kuroo called after him when he left the room, flicking off the light on the way. There was no response to that, except for the soft sound of Kenma’s door clicking shut across the small hallway. 

Kuroo pushed himself off his front and flipped to rest on his back, instead, to stare blankly up into the darkness until his eyes adjusted. He wasn’t tired, exactly, but he felt drained emotionally. What could possibly have happened to Tsukishima that warranted him going to these measures? It wasn’t good, whatever it was. 

Kuroo felt his stomach turn and his blood run cold as another thought filtered through his mind. 

Was Tsukishima… dying?

He’d always been a fairly private person, and if… well, he wouldn’t be one to make it particularly well known if something  _ were _ seriously wrong. They weren’t as close as Kuroo might have liked, and he felt like his chance to become that way was all but tossed out the window now. 

He’d have to call in to work for a few days to leave the city, but he needed answers.

And maybe, if at all came down to it, closure. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will also have Kuroo's POV, and sorry for the sudden switch but it will make sense soon! I appreciate any comments y'all have about it so far!


	4. Please Tell Me How To Help You (I'll Do Anything)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo makes Tsukishima's health his business, whether he wants it or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man this fic keeps getting away from me tbh but I can't say I dislike where it's going. Buckle up, babes, time for some more pain. Also since we don't rlly know what's going on with Kuroo in the future (yet) I'm making him a med student bc hot doctor Kuroo amirite

A few days pass before Kuroo is able to obtain any information. 

Kenma had to get in touch with Hinata who had to get in touch with Daichi who had to get in touch with Yamaguchi. He had tried texting Tsukishima himself a few times, but had no response and gave up when the anxiety of it all caught up to him. 

Still, Kenma pulls through for him, and confirms that Tsukishima is in a hospital with an unspecified sickness. Yamaguchi wasn’t going to give details, apparently- not to Kenma. 

Something odd had happened, though. Yamaguchi was quick, and easily caught on to the fact that the information was being gathered on Kuroo’s behalf. When those puzzle pieces fell together for him, Kuroo received a text directly to his phone. The sender read ‘Tsukki’, but the rush of hope Kuroo felt upon seeing the blonde’s name was dashed the second he opened the message. 

‘ **It’s Yamaguchi.** ’ Was the first one. Kuroo’s phone buzzed again while he was still holding it, and another message pushed up the first. 

‘ **I need to talk to you. Can you make it to Sendai in the next few days?** ’

‘ **I can be there 2morrow. When and where** ’ Kuroo responded, probably  _ far _ too quickly. But his stomach was in knots, and the strange request was only making him panic more. What the actual fuck was this even  _ about _ ? Why did Yamaguchi need to meet him? Why wasn’t Tsukishima just texting back himself? 

‘ **Do you remember the Blue Moon cafe downtown? Can you be there by 2?** ’

‘ **Ya sure** ’ Kuroo replied, making a mental note to go to bed earlier so he could be up in time to catch the train. Sleeping until noon was not an option. Before Yamaguchi could say anything else, Kuroo tapped out another message.

‘ **hey man i just gotta know it Tsukki ok?** ’

His eyes were glued to his screen for the next five minutes. Teeth worried at his lower lip when no reply seemed forthcoming, and twenty minutes later he gave up obsessing and tried to go back to working. The part-time job did little to distract him, though, since patronage was lower during the rainy season. 

The small convenience store was already fully stocked and cleaned, and still Kuroo wandered listlessly through it, searching for something to do. A distraction. A customer.  _ Something _ .

A set of chocolate dark eyes watched on in mild amusement as he paced, and when he looked up he saw that his manager was staring him down with a pitying smirk. 

“Kuroo, is there a reason you’re cleaning the drink cooler window for the third time?” she asked, pinning him in place with her stare. He grinned sheepishly and set down the sprayer bottle he’d just lifted to cover the display window with. 

“Sorry. Thought I saw a smudge.” He lied, unable to admit how far beside himself he was with anxiety. He had a smooth, cool-guy reputation to uphold, and he wasn’t going to let his boss know just how little he cared for his job at that moment. 

She searched his face a moment, silent and letting her smile slowly drop away. Kuroo wasn’t sure what she was looking for, but he swallowed thickly and kept holding her gaze. 

“So, uh-” 

“Okay!” She cut him off, grinning again and slapping a palm down onto the counter in front of her. Kuroo jumped. He would deny it. “I’ve decided I can’t trust your spaced-out brain to close this place down tonight. Go home.”

Kuroo blinked, and furrowed his brows in confusion. “I don’t-”

“You’ve been a zombie for, like, a week, and I’ve seen you check your phone a billion times in the last half hour. Care to explain?” she asked. Her face tilted slightly to the side, a curious smile set on her lips. 

Kuroo chewed his bottom lip for a second, searching for a way to explain himself as best as possible. He needed to tell her he wouldn’t be in the next few days anyway, but should he mention Tsukishima? He’d talked about him to her before- just idle gossip when the two of them were alone on shifts together, mostly. But she was also the dramatic type, and he didn’t want to worry her too much. 

“I, uh, I have a… friend. From highschool. He’s sick, and I’m supposed to go see him. I was asked to be there tomorrow.” He said, slow as he planned each word carefully. He watched her face carefully, and felt a little bad when her eyes widened in panic. 

“Tetsurou!” she snapped, slapping the counter again. It sounded angrier this time. “That sounds really serious! Why didn’t you tell me before?”

Kuroo flinched at the tone and the use of his first name, knowing she only called him by it when she was pissed. “It came up suddenly! That’s what the texts were earlier.” He explained, clapping his hands together in front of himself and bowing in a showy plea for forgiveness.

He heard her sigh, and looked up to see a frown pulling at her pretty lips. 

“Okay, well, that just makes me want you to leave more.” She said, with a firm nod. “Rest. Relax. Get out of here.”

“Ah, c’mon, I’m fine, really.” A lie. She saw through it in an instant. 

“Kuroo I’m tired of looking at your face right now.”

“But-”

“You have somewhere to be  _ tomorrow _ , right?” She asked. “If you end up so out of it that you fall in the train tracks, I won’t ever forgive myself. Get lots of sleep so you can focus in the morning, yeah?”

“What kind of employee would I be if I left my shift early, Sato?” He chuckled, waving his hand as if to bat the suggestion away. But it was only polite. His other hand was already reaching to the small of his back to tug the strings of his apron. 

Sato rolled her eyes and leaned her head into her hand, glaring at him now but with an upward twitch from the corner of her lip. 

“Here’s the thing. We’re so slow that I could absolutely  _ ruin _ the store’s speakers with my own music with no threat to customers overhearing. And  _ you _ hate my taste in music.” She started, to which he snickered and nodded emphatically. 

“True, your taste in American pop is the  _ worst _ .” He said. 

“ _ So _ ,” she persisted, as if he hadn’t spoken at all, “I would very much like to jam to my own tunes without having to deal with your shitty attitude.” 

“You wound me.” 

“I’m the one paying you. I’ll write your clock out at your regular time, so shoo. Clear your head. I’ll have Watanabe or Suzuki pick up your shifts the next few days too, hmm?” Sato said, grabbing Kuroo’s drawstring backpack from behind the counter and plopping it down on top. 

“You’re an angel, Sato. You know that?” Kuroo sighed, pulling the apron off fully and loosely folding it, then shoving it unceremoniously into the backpack. 

“Hey, you’d better have that cleaned and ironed next time you come back.” Sato scolded, but Kuroo just stuck his tongue out at her and threw the backpack over his shoulder. “Text me when you’re coming back, yeah?”

“Kaaaay.” Kuroo replied, turning to the door and waving at her over his shoulder. 

The walk home felt too long. Anticipation and worry were bubbling low in his belly, and the puddles that splashed up from the rain and wet his ankles barely bothered him. Until he got home and Kenma huffed and grumbled about how he was dripping all over the floor. Kuroo just shrugged and pulled off his shoes  _ and _ pants in the doorway, 

“Could you please not?” Kenma sighed. Kuroo thought the smaller man’s eyes might get stuck with how hard they rolled upon seeing him in just his boxers. 

“Oh, Kenma, are you getting embarrassed seeing all this scandalous skin?” Kuroo teased, throwing the jeans over his arm and strolling to his room. He moved just slow enough for Kenma to get annoyed, and narrowly dodged the couch pillow that was lobbed at his head. 

Wet pants were carelessly tossed into his laundry basket before Kuroo slipped instead into a pair of flannel pajama pants. As warm as it was outside, Kenma kept the apartment freezing. Kuroo would be damned if he caught a cold from the rain and the  _ fucking AC _ before he could go see Tsukishima. 

A soft knock came from the door, but Kenma didn’t actually wait for his answer. The knob turned, and the other man poked his head in with his eyes clenched shut. “You had better be dressed.”

“Says the dude barging into my room. I could very well be in my birthday suit right now and I would be entirely in the right.” Kuroo huffed back, crossing his arms over his chest in mock indignation. 

Kenma peeked one eye open, then fully opened them both and pushed in to take up residence on Kuroo’s desk chair. “You’re home early.” he said, pulling his DS out of the pocket of his massively oversized hoodie and flicking it open to resume his game. 

“Astute observation.” Kuroo said, grinning at the irritated look Kenma gave him. “Yeah, bosslady sent me home. My head’s not really in the game.” He explained with a shrug. 

“Nerves?” Kenma asked, pulling his feet up to rest on the edge of the seat and curling in on himself. He looked so tiny. It was cute. 

“You look cute.”

“Gross, and don’t change the subject.” Kenma shot back. He scowled at the game screen, but Kuroo still knew it was meant for him. 

“Man, Kenma, it’s exhausting trying to keep up my cool guy armor with you here.” Kuroo said. His smile faltered a little, and then he dropped it with a sigh and fell back against his mattress. “Yamaguchi texted me at work. From Tsukishima’s phone.”

“... Why?” Kenma asked, one eyebrow lifting as his eyes glanced briefly to his roommate and then back to his game. 

“I don’t really get it, but he asked to meet me. Tomorrow. In Sendai.” 

“Are you going?” 

“Yeah.” Kuroo rolled onto his side at that, and propped himself up on his elbow to look at Kenma. 

“Should I come?” Kenma asked, genuine enough that he paused the game and met Kuroo’s eyes seriously. 

It might not be such a bad idea. After all, Kenma was friends with Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, too. Then again, ‘friend’ was a bit of a loose term. Kenma liked them just fine, but when they all hung out together it was more for Hinata’s sake. Besides, Yamaguchi would have texted Kenma too if he’d wanted him there. It would probably be rude to invite him along unprompted. 

“... Nah, you’ve gotta do some video editing, right? Don’t worry about it, I’ll be alright.” Kuroo answered, a smile quirking up the corners of his lips. 

“You need any funds?” 

“Oh, whatever would I do without my sugar daddy.” Kuroo chuckled, shoving himself up and off the bed to approach the shorter man curled up on the chair. Kenma’s eyes widened and his foot shot out, shoving against Kuroo’s chest to keep him away from the bear hug the taller man was aiming at him. 

“Fuck off, Tetsurou!” Kenma sneered, forced to snap the DS closed and shove it in his pocket while Kuroo tried to wrestle him into his arms. 

“But daddy, I’m just trying to show my appreciation!” Kuroo purred, grinning widely and grabbing at Kenma’s ankle to wrestle it away from his chest.

“Stop being gross!” Kenma snapped, seizing Kuroo’s wrist and trying to kick his foot free. “I take it back! Pay for yourself!” 

Kuroo stuck out his bottom lip in an exaggerated pout, but backed off and put his hands up in defeat. “Alright, alright.” He huffed, flopping back onto his ass on the bed and giving Kenma his best puppy dog eyes. “You know I hate it when you scold me, daddy.”

Kenma grimaced and shot up from his seat, moving to the door before Kuroo could stop him. “You’re annoying and I hope you trip on your shoelaces on your way.” He said, tossing a glare over his shoulder and making a disgusted noise at the obnoxious grin on Kuroo’s face. 

“Love you too!” Kuroo called out in a sing-song, and was answered with his door slamming shut firmly behind the other man. He could hear Kenma grumbling to himself irritably as he crossed the hallway to his own room, then that door was slammed too. 

The grin dropped from Kuroo’s face with a sigh, and he fell back against the bed. He felt like he was deflating into it, but there was no relaxation that came with the feeling. Pins and needles jabbed at his legs and the tips of his fingers, but bouncing his leg and drumming his fingers against the comforter did nothing to alleviate it. 

He wanted to check Twitter. Look at all of Tsukishima’s friends’ pages, see if  _ anyone _ had leaked some information on his condition. But he’d been doing that all week already, and he was starting to feel like a stalker. Sleeping wasn’t an option yet, either, considering the sun had only just set by the time he’d gotten home, and he was far too keyed up to get any rest. 

He needed to email his professors, still, and let them know he’d be out for a few classes. It took him another ten minutes of staring blankly at the ceiling, mentally composing his message, before he actually had the energy to push himself off the bed and move to his desk to open his laptop. 

He only needed to message two professors, since the rest of his classes were online. He left the email brief, vaguely explaining that he had a personal emergency and that he’d miss the next couple of lectures. After that, he busied himself with a long, hot shower, followed by catching up on Kenma’s latest videos that he hadn’t watched yet. He was in one of them, poking his head in his roommate’s door and sticking his tongue out while Kenma’s eyes were glued to the game. 

Knowing Kenma reviewed all his footage and edited out most of it, but decided to keep that bit in, warmed his heart a little. It stroked his ego, too, when he scrolled through the comments and found dozens of thirsty viewers begging Kenma to explain their relationship, or introduce him to the channel properly, or even just for Kenma to pass along how attractive they found him. In much more colorful words, anyway. It was hilarious, especially since the video was two weeks old and he hadn’t heard a peep from his roommate about it. 

Stingy. He probably knew how much of a kick Kuroo would get out of it and chose not to indulge him. 

He was halfway through the next video Kenma posted when his phone vibrated again to his right on the desk. His heart immediately jumped to his throat, and he looked over to see that, again, it was Tsukishima’s name that popped up in the notification. 

He snatched up the phone immediately and had it swiped open and loading before he even thought to pause the video. The small sense of ease he’d regained from watching the videos and reading the comments dwindled to nothing in an instant, and fear and anxiety clawed coldly at his chest. 

‘ **That’s difficult to answer. We’ll talk tomorrow. Please be there.** ’ 

Kuroo wanted to throw the phone at the wall. What the  _ fuck _ did that mean? His earlier question of the state of Tsukishima’s wellbeing was pretty simple, he thought, so why couldn’t Yamaguchi just give him a yes or a no?

What the  _ fuck was happening _ .

‘ **hey man pls just say hes alive at least???** ’ He responded, desperate and bouncing his leg at a growing speed while he waited for his reply. 

Lucky for him, it came much faster this time. 

‘ **Yes.** ’ 

Still wasn’t enough, but the tone of the texts suggested Yamaguchi wasn’t planning on giving him any further detail until tomorrow. Glancing at the clock told him that it was about time for him to get to sleep, anyway, if he wanted to catch the train. 

Feeling like his guts were full of coal, Kuroo powered off his laptop and flicked off the lights in the room- along with the red LEDs that Kenma had bought him as a joke that he took way too much joy in actually displaying along the corners of his ceiling. 

He crawled into bed, forcing himself not to scroll through all his social media like his usual bedtime routine. He’d be up for hours if he indulged that urge, and honestly he just wanted to get to sleep and fast forward to tomorrow anyway. 

He spent the next half hour shifting restlessly in bed- mind wrestling between thinking of all the terrible things that could have happened to Tsukishima and desperately  _ not _ thinking about those things. 

When he finally went under, he had nightmares of Tsukishima. Pale. Cold. Dressed in black and surrounded by lilies and chrysanthemums. 

* * *

Rain had made the walk to the train station difficult. His drawstring backpack had been packed tightly with a few days worth of clothing, and trying to keep it and himself dry with his woefully small umbrella was almost comical. Especially when the wind whipped the thick rain droplets directly against his front. 

He wasn’t the only drenched person that made it onto the train, and everyone had to watch their steps to avoid slipping on the damp floors. Boarding the train just before noon had made for a sparsely populated trip. It was a weekday, after all, and rush hour wasn’t until schools let out and people went home from work. 

It took just shy of two hours to reach the station in Sendai. The entirety of the ride was spent bouncing his leg almost aggressively (much to the disdain of an elderly woman who gave him openly judgemental looks). Listening to music did nothing to help calm him, either, and by the time the doors slid open at his stop he was so anxious it felt like he’d taken espresso straight to his veins. 

The cafe wasn’t far from there; when they had last gone they’d chosen it specifically because it was close enough to the station to be convenient to Kuroo and Kenma. Speed walking quickly turned to jogging when he came up above ground from the station, and Yamaguchi wasn’t even there yet when he arrived. 

Soaked. Again. 

The baristas gave him a sympathetic look when he got to the order counter and bought himself a simple black coffee, mostly just to hold and keep warm while his wet clothes dried in the cold AC of the place. There was a two-person table set up by a window in the corner, and he quickly made his way to it as soon as the hot cup was in his hand. 

He tried to look as casual as possible, scrolling idly through Instagram and absorbing exactly zero of the content he was ‘looking at’. Every time the door chimed open, his head snapped up, but for twenty minutes none of the people who walked in were Yamaguchi. It was well past two, and he was just in the middle of opening up his texts to ask about the other man’s whereabouts when the door chimed open again. This time, a familiar freckled face appeared, and he reached his arm up to catch Yamaguchi’s attention. 

Kuroo grinned at him, but all Yamaguchi could manage when he met his gaze was a tight smile and a curt nod as he made his way over. 

“Hey, Yamaguchi! I was starting to worry you weren’t gonna show!” Kuroo greeted, a teasing lilt to his voice but genuine concern behind it. 

“Sorry, um, there was… a complication. I hope I didn’t waste too much of your time.” Yamaguchi explained, seating himself a bit stiffly in the chair opposite Kuroo. 

“It’s all good, I’m in no rush to leave town.” Kuroo said, lifting his half-empty coffee and taking a slow pull of it while Yamaguchi fidgeted in his place. There was an awkward silence between them for a second, and the younger man jumped visibly when Kuroo spoke again. “But I am in a little bit of a rush to figure out what’s going on.”

His eyes leveled coolly onto Yamaguchi’s, politeness dwindling after being kept guessing so long. He followed the movement of Yamaguchi’s gaze flickering up to meet his own, and then falling back to the tabe. Something like shame was apparent there, but overall he didn’t look… distressed. That was a good sign, at least. If anything too serious had happened, he doubted Yamaguchi would be so well put together. 

“I… Can’t tell you everything that’s going on right now. Tsukishima’s, uh, he’s in the hospital.” Yamaguchi said, tapping softly at the table with his thumb. 

“Yeah, I knew that part. Is he gonna be okay?” Kuroo asked, jaw tightening in frustration at Yamaguchi’s refusal to just  _ spit it out _ .

“Yeah. They think so, anyway.”

“Well, what, did he break his leg or something? Is he like,  _ sick  _ sick? You’re really not giving me much to work with here-”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to see him, Kuroo.” 

… Huh. Bluntness wasn’t usually Yamaguchi’s thing. Something was seriously wrong, here. 

“Why the hell not?” He snapped finally, letting his irritation spill over and his easygoing smile drop off his face. “Yamaguchi, look, I’m really sick of being in the dark. You know how bad I’ve been stressing this last week? Nobody will give me a straight answer and I just rode a train soaking wet for  _ two fucking hours _ to get some form of information, and now you’re giving me  _ nothing _ .” 

Yamaguchi flinched and looked to be biting the inside of his cheek. Contemplating how to phrase what came next. It was infuriating how little he was saying. 

“I can’t control you, and I won’t lie to you if you ask me where he is. But what’s going on with him isn’t my place to say.” he started, slow, and finally met Kuroo’s eyes. “If you go see him, though, it might be worse for both of you.” 

Kuroo huffed out a frustrated sigh and slumped back into his chair, utterly  _ baffled _ at what he was hearing. Nothing made sense to him. The secrecy, the vague warning, the meeting itself. All of it together just made him more eager to unravel the mystery. Or just see Tsukishima again. Really, that’s all he wanted here. 

“Dude I’m really not getting any of this, but I didn’t come all the way out here for nothing. I’ve got a hotel room booked for the night, and I don’t intend to leave without some real answers. If it’s all the same to you, I really just want to talk to him.” He said, only feeling a little guilty at how harsh he sounded. Yamaguchi looked mostly unphased, though, like he’d expected the response. 

“Okay. I can take you to him, then.” Yamaguchi conceded, a little quieter as he looked away again. 

“Please.” Kuroo said, bringing up his coffee cup again and chugging down the remainder of the lukewarm drink before standing and slinging his backpack over his shoulder again. 

“W-wait, now?” Yamaguchi asked, blinking up at him owlishly but getting to his own feet all the same. 

“Unless you plan on dodging my questions for the next half hour, then yeah.” 

“That’s… fair.” Yamaguchi said with a frown, following Kuroo to the door. Both of their umbrellas were grabbed from the bin, and they headed out into the rain together in silence.

* * *

Tsukishima looked unnaturally peaceful. He was pale, even against the bleach-white sheets beneath him. His heartbeat monitor beeped steadily at his side, and his chest rose and fell too slowly for Kuroo's comfort. His long eyelashes rested over bruised skin, mostly a sick yellow with patches of purplish red that spanned between the bags under both his eyes. Some of it was hidden by medical tape over his nose, and Kuroo easily recognized it as broken. 

That wasn’t what concerned him, though. 

“So… when… when will he wake up?” Kuroo asked, feeling helpless as he looked over the other man from his seat in the uncomfortable hospital chair. It almost could have been mistaken for sleep, if not for the absolute stillness behind Tsukishima’s eyelids. 

“Doctors think it won’t be much longer. He got a little swelling in his brain when he hit his head, and combined with the lack of oxygen… I mean, it’s temporary. He’s just healing. It’s only been eight days, but they said he’s started to respond, just a little bit.” Yamaguchi explained. He sounded solemn, and if Kuroo bothered to look up at him he’d see the pained expression on his face that matched his tone. 

“And you said this was because he hit his head? How’d that happen, exactly?” 

“He fell. Banged the coffee table.” Yamaguchi muttered, answering just a little too quickly for Kuroo. 

“You mentioned a lack of oxygen. What caused that part?” Kuroo asked, turning to look at Yamaguchi with cool, sharp eyes. Despite what most folks thought, Kuroo was perceptive. It’s what had gotten him through his volleyball career, and putting himself through medical school year by torturous year. 

Yamaguchi wasn’t giving him the full story, and by the way he was tapping his fingers against his leg nervously made it obvious he didn’t  _ want _ to. 

“Kuroo, man, I get where you’re coming from. I’d be frustrated too if one of my friends was sick and wouldn’t let me in the circle.” Yamaguchi started. He still didn’t meet Kuroo’s eyes, and instead took a few steps closer to Tsukishima to reach out and loosely grasp his limp hand. “But this isn’t a normal circumstance. If I could tell you, I would. But this… this is something Tsukishima has to choose to tell you. And I’m not sure that pressuring him by forcing yourself into the situation is such a good idea.” 

Hazel eyes finally lifted to Kuroo then, almost intimidating in their intensity. Yamaguchi was seldom this serious, and Kuroo suddenly felt very small. Yamaguchi didn’t look like he enjoyed torturing him like this, but it seemed that a fierce loyalty to Tsukishima was holding him back. Kuroo respected that, but he still felt like grinding his teeth. 

“Okay. I hear you. But you need to hear me, too. I really care about Tsukki’s wellbeing. He’s an adult, and so am I. If he chooses to be angry at me for prying, I’ll accept that anger from him directly. I don’t think I can do that if you’re doing it on his behalf.” Kuroo answered back, reclining a bit in his chair and folding his hands over his stomach. “So if it’s all the same to you, I’m gonna stick around and hear it from him.” 

Yamaguchi frowned, looked back to Tsukishima, and stroked his thumb over the backs of his pale knuckles. “You know, he’d be pissed if you called him that while he was awake.” 

Briefly, Kuroo considered telling him to fuck off. He was really trying, here, but Yamaguchi just seemed  _ determined _ to make him angry. But then he saw a twitch at the corner of the younger man’s lip, and realized he was barely holding back a smile. 

An olive branch. 

Kuroo grinned back widely in response, and lightly tapped the corner of Tsukishima’s bed with his foot. “Can’t wait to see his reaction again.”

Yamaguchi huffed out a chuckle and nodded, resting Tsukishima’s hand down on the sheets again and stepping back. 

“I’ve gotta head out. You’re staying in town for a few days, right?” he asked, moving back to where his bag was and slipping it over his shoulder. 

“Yeah. At least until I can see he’s okay.” Kuroo said. He made no effort to move from the chair, though, but he did watch Yamaguchi readying himself to leave. “Gonna stick around here for a little longer though.”

“Sure. His brother’s dropping by a little later, too. Please do me a favor and don’t try to grill him for details. He’s only got the basics, too.” Yamaguchi warned, but it wasn’t said with the same edge as everything else he’d said so far. 

“Alright, alright, I get it. I probably won’t be sticking around much longer anyway. Just wanna take this chance to call him names while he can’t hear me.” Kuroo joked, and Yamaguchi snorted. A good sign, he thought.

“Mm, right, you do that. But just so you know, some comatose patients can still be aware of things happening around them while they’re asleep. Be careful or he might chew you out when he wakes up.” 

They smiled at each other, then, and goodbyes were exchanged, and Yamaguchi left. 

True to his word, Kuroo didn’t stay more than half an hour after that. He just stared at the silent, unmoving man laid out on the bed before him. His face didn’t look as bad as it could have been, but that was probably just due to the fact that it had already had eight days for the swelling to reduce and the bruises to lighten. 

Still, must have been one hell of a fall. 

“I’m sorry, Tsukishima.” He said after a while of just listening to the whir of machines and the beeping of the heart monitor. “For whatever is going on between us. Wish I knew how to make it better. Dunno if you can actually hear me right now, but you might be confused and disoriented when you wake up anyway. May not even remember this at all.” 

He sighed, then, and scooted his chair close enough that he could lean his elbows on the edge of the bed. He searched the bruised face for some sign of awareness. When none came, he puffed out a frustrated breath and let his forehead drop down to rest on his folded arms. 

“You better believe I’m not going home until you give me some real answers, though. I can’t leave it like this, man, It’s not fair. If you at least tell me the truth, I’ll leave you alone, okay? I’m gonna make you promise me when you wake up, but I’m not a patient man, so you’d better wake up soon.” 

With that, he shifted so that he was leaning over Tsukishima’s ear, and muttered quietly into it, and then made a silent exit.

* * *

Two more days passed. Kuroo didn’t actually spend much time in the hotel room, opting to remain at Tsukishima’s side for every visiting hour he was allowed. When he wasn’t allowed in the room, he took up post in the hospital lobby until the nurses shooed him off with reassurances they’d call if something happened. 

But he didn’t want to just  _ hear _ about Tsukishima waking up. He wanted to  _ be _ there. He only really ended up going back to the hotel room to shower and catch a few hours of sleep at night. 

He talked to Tsukishima while he was there, occasionally commenting on something from his Twitter feed and guessing at what the blonde’s reaction might be. He felt a little insane talking to himself like that, but just listening endlessly to the heart monitor and the background noises of the hospital fill the space between them made him feel even crazier. 

A few other people came in to see Tsukishima, too. Daichi stopped by, and he and Kuroo caught up briefly before his former rival captain had to return to his job. Yamaguchi came by both days, too, but it was no surprise that Tsukishima’s best friend would come by every day to check on him. 

On the third day, Kuroo met Akiteru for the first time. He looked just like his younger brother, but a little brighter and cheerier. It was honestly a little off-putting to see such a pleasant and warm expression on a face that looked so much like Tsukishima’s. 

The older brother was kind to him, but there was an apprehension in his eyes that put Kuroo on edge. He knew something that he wasn’t saying, but Kuroo had promised he wouldn’t dig. So instead they made polite conversation, and exchanged embarrassing stories at Kei’s expense, but all in good fun. Kuroo left first that time, to give Akiteru some time alone with his sibling. He still didn’t go back to the hotel. Being alone felt suffocating when his thoughts wandered to darker territories, and even the encouraging texts he was getting from Kenma on a near-constant basis just… weren’t enough. 

The fourth day, Tsukishima finally woke up. 

And Kuroo  _ missed _ it. Mainly because he was fully passed out in the chair beside him. He’d tried to stay awake, but the short hours he’d managed to actually sleep in a bed had worn on him, and he nodded off within the first twenty minutes of being there. 

So when a pillow is unceremoniously smacked into his face, he wakes with a start and nearly falls off his chair. 

“You snore.” Was the first thing said to him, before he could even re-process where he was and what he was doing. 

“I… don’t-” Kuroo began, blinking against the uncomfortable fluorescent lighting and settling his gaze on the upright blonde man in front of him. His breath caught as soon as his brain finally caught up, and a wide grin stretched his lips so far it almost hurt. “You’re awake!” 

“Why are you here?” Tsukishima’s voice was rough, and there was a coldness to it that had Kuroo’s smile faltering quite a bit. But when he looked closer, he could see the mild tremor in Tsukishima’s thin fingers, and the shaky breaths coming from him. 

Something icy cold gripped Kuroo’s chest, and he froze in his place in the chair. 

“I was worried about you.” Kuroo replied honestly, mouth turning down at the corners as his brows knitted together. 

Tsukishima regarded him for a moment, and then coughed quietly. Immediately, he turned away, and his fist curled into the fabric of his hospital gown, just over his chest. 

“Please leave.” He said, his free hand moving up to wipe at his eyes, and then he hissed in pain and jerked back. 

“Whoa, hey, are you oka-” Kuroo tried, on his feet and hovering a hand over Tsukishima’s shoulders in an instant. He was batted away, though, and cut off. 

“I really don’t want to ask again.” Tsukishima bit out, glaring at the offending hand and holding himself stiffly at bay. 

“I really just want to talk, Tsukki, please.” Kuroo said. His own voice sounded foreign. Small. Hurt. It felt like his heart was being squeezed in his chest, and the frigid act Tsukishima was giving him cut him to the very core. “Please, just five minutes?”

Tsukishima coughed again, and they both winced with it. Kuroo had to wonder, for the millionth time, just what the  _ fuck _ was wrong with him, really. 

After that, he was quiet, for a moment, seeming to weigh his options, and then he jerked his head in a quick nod. “Five minutes.”

Kuroo let out a sigh he didn’t know he’d been holding and sank back into the hospital chair. “Should I… let Yamaguchi know you woke up?”

“I think you’d better make the most of your five minutes and stop worrying about anyone else.” Tsukishima muttered, pointing at the pillow he’d lobbed at Kuroo’s head. “Give me that.”

Staying on Tsukishima’s good side would be precarious in this situation, since he’d forced his way in without asking for permission, so he complied immediately. The pillow was scooped up off the ground, dusted lightly with the back of his hand, and returned to the blonde. Despite his dwindling time, he waited for Tsukishima to get more comfortably adjusted in the bed before he spoke again. 

“I don’t know what happened between us, Tsukki-”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Ha, Yamaguchi was right.” Kuroo snickered, but the irritated look Tsukishima gave him had it growing quiet quickly, and his eyes fell to observe the patterns in the tile floor. “Sorry.”

Tsukishima shifted slightly, cleared his throat, and muttered a soft, “It’s Tsukishima.”

“Right. Anyway. At first I just… wanted to know what I did. But then they said you were sick and… like… I guess I just want to make sure you’re okay? I’ve been out of my mind, man, and I’m really not trying to piss you off, so could you just say you’re alright and tell me what’s gonna… I dunno,  _ happen _ between us? So I can get my head straight and… get over this?” Kuroo said, finally looking back up when he finished speaking. Tsukishima’s face was twisted into something that might have been grief, but that didn’t really make sense. 

“Why does it matter? What do you want to hear?” Tsukishima asked. He sounded hoarse, like there was something stuck in the back of his throat. 

“Because we’re friends? Or, I thought so, at least.”

“You’re friends with Kenma, who’s friends with Hinata, who’s friends with Yamaguchi.”

Kuroo couldn’t help the small noise that fell out of his lips at the harsh comment. It was a shaky thing, distraught and a little mortifying.

“That’s really cold, Tsukishima.” He said, running a hand through his wild hair and tugging it lightly. “I thought we were closer. Sorry for misunderstanding. I always really enjoyed hanging out with you.” A bitter huff of laughter left him, and he looked directly into Tsukishima’s eyes again, pinning him there with a heartbroken stare and fake smile. “I really liked you.”

Tsukishima inhaled sharply, and suddenly looked somehow both devastated and  _ furious.  _ His mouth opened to snap back at Kuroo, but then his features drew up instead in an intense panic, and he doubled over and began to hack and cough violently. His hands went up to beat at his chest, and Kuroo was on him in an instant. 

“Shit, man, hey, you okay? No, fuck, that’s a dumb question, do you need a nurse?” Kuroo asked, eyes wide as he tried his best to help. He slapped at the blonde’s back in time with the coughs, taking mental stock of everything happening. Tsukishima was gasping, which meant he was getting  _ some _ airflow, which meant he wasn’t choking. Yet. It seemed like something was stuck in his throat, but he’d been asleep for  _ eight days _ , so what could possibly be coming up now when he’d been unable to eat or drink anything? Sure, his throat might have been a little dry and scratchy, but it wouldn’t cause the intense hacking and wheezing coming from him now. 

Of course, Tsukishima couldn’t answer him verbally. But his hands went up, and Kuroo found himself shoved away as hard as the blonde could manage. Even though it wasn’t much, the few inches he was pushed back felt like miles. He felt himself breaking as his hands stilled above Tsukishima’s back, and his throat was starting to feel tight and his face hot. 

“Please, let me help you.” He breathed, eyes searching Tsukishima for some sign of approval, but instead he was just shoved back again just as the blonde’s eyes went glassy. 

“Get…. out!” Tsukishima managed between coughs, pulling his knees up towards his chest and shrinking further into himself. 

“Goddamnit, no!” Kuroo snapped, swallowing around the lump in his throat and steeling himself against the other man’s backlash. He hadn’t come this far just to watch Tsukishima suffer. He’d be damned if he left now. “I’m not done with you yet, so shut up and let me-”

Tsukishima took a ragged inhale before he could finish, and cut him off with an even louder cough and his hand slapping to his own mouth. Kuroo could hear the wet  _ thwap _ of something hitting his palm, and then Tsukishima was swallowing and finally breathing a little easier. The hand pulled away from his mouth, and Kuroo felt all the breath leave his body when he caught sight of it. 

A single, bloody, bright red flower petal. 

Tsukishima tried to clench his fingers around it to hide, but it was too late. By the way he refused to look back up at Kuroo, he knew. 

Time froze, and the older man could just stare blankly at the balled up fist with blood smeared lightly between the fingers as the pieces started to fall into place. 

“You…” He started, brain fumbling desperately for something to say. Tsukishima remained silent, aside from the loud, hard breathing to get his lungs back under control, and the occasional quiet cough from the lingering discomfort in his throat. 

Kuroo made up his mind, then, took a steady breath, and laid one hand on Tsukishima’s shoulder while the other carefully cupped the blonde’s cheek and forced him to turn his face to meet him. 

“Tsukishima.” He started, firm, but gentle. He waited for honey-colored eyes to flick up and hold his own, and then finished his thought. 

“Who is it?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't intending for this story to be as long as it is but THANKS FOR STICKING WITH ME, GUYS! Some resolution will be coming next chapter, and maybe some good stuff too if I can manage it >:3c Also please bear in mind I am not a doctor and my Google searches on comas were uhhhh real vague so forgive any inaccuracies w that stuff pls


	5. Break Me Down To Pieces (And Put Me Back Together Again)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima has nowhere left to run, and is made to face his fears head on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all have suffered enough :')

Kuroo was too close. Despite being without his glasses, Tsukishima could see the features of the other man’s face quite clearly, and that  _ bothered _ him. The petal in his hand was growing cold quickly, and it was starting to feel gross between his fingers. He tried to focus on that, instead of the ice cold dread he was feeling in the pit of his belly. 

_ How was he supposed to answer that? _

He couldn’t. Complicating things between them wasn’t an option. If he admitted that thing gnawing at him from the inside of his chest, then he’d have to suffer Kuroo’s pity and feel their friendship spiral into a bitter and unpleasant thing. 

The surgery could remove the ‘stems’, and he could continue to live his life free of the burden of inconvenient emotions surrounding the other man. It was the safest option for him, and the survival rate was high. He could have beaten this. 

But then he woke up to the beautiful sight of Kuroo Tetsurou, asleep in an uncomfortable hospital chair at his side. Waiting. Protecting. And it  _ terrified  _ him. 

So he resorted to his basic defense mechanism. He built walls. Tried to block every spike Kuroo sent his way. But this wasn’t volleyball, and Kuroo’s will just proved to be stronger. 

“I need you to tell me.” Kuroo said. His voice filtered in at the edge of Tsukishima’s consciousness, pulling his focus from the fingers cradling his jaw so, so kindly. He’d felt like he was freezing since the moment he woke up. Thin hospital sheets were the worst. But Kuroo’s skin felt like fire against his own. Not hot and painful, necessarily, but warm and comforting. 

Tsukishima’s eyes felt hot. 

“It doesn’t matter.” He answered finally. He tried to look away, but Kuroo gave his head a little shake to make him look back. 

“It does. He needs to know. You don’t deserve to suffer like this.” Kuroo said, face unusually serious. He was speaking softly, and he was  _ too fucking close _ . 

Every word out of his mouth puffed hot air over Tsukishima’s face, and it was sweet torture that he wanted to bask in forever. 

“It’s none of your business.” Tsukishima said. When he tried to pull his face away from Kuroo’s hand, put  _ some  _ distance between them, Kuroo’s grip readjusted and he found his jaw gripped firmly between strong fingers. 

“I think it is.” Something was dangerous in Kuroo’s voice, then. As if he was daring Tsukishima to keep dragging out the charade. 

“I can’t.” 

“Why not?” Kuroo’s thumb began to stroke along his jaw, and Tsukishima couldn’t blink away the wetness growing in his eyes. “You just have to say it to that person, out loud, right? Then it goes away? Why would you choose to suffer over that?”

“It’s suffering either way.” Tsukishima said, closing his eyes and feeling the first tear roll hotly down his cheek. 

“Why do you think that?” Kuroo asked. His hand pulled away from Tsukishima’s shoulder, and rested instead on the bed beside the younger man’s waist. 

Tsukishima mourned the loss of contact, but it was enough of a distraction for him to regain some presence of mind. His own hand- the one that wasn’t sticky with his own spit and blood and the  _ fucking petal _ \- came up to grasp Kuroo’s wrist, intent on pulling it away. Kuroo held tight for a moment, but when Tsukishima’s face twisted in pain from the way the tugging pulled at his bruises, he released his grip and let his hand be pushed away. 

“You should go home. This doesn’t concern you anymore.” Tsukishima said, opening his eyes just to lean back into the bed and turn his head away from Kuroo. So while he wasn’t looking, he didn’t expect the harsh sound of Kuroo’s hand slapping down on the bed beside him. 

“The hell it doesn’t! What is with you? Stop torturing yourself! This isn’t some highschool bullshit, Tsukishima, you are in a  _ hospital _ and have been in a  _ coma _ for over a week! You know you’re not the only one in pain, right? Your friends, your  _ family _ are suffering, too!” 

Tsukishima’s breath caught and his head whipped back to see the absolute  _ fire _ in Kuroo’s eyes. He was angry. Well and truly  _ angry _ in a way that Tsukishima had never seen before. It scared him, but no more than the logic behind his argument. 

_ Fuck. _

“You don’t understand-”

“Shut. Up.” Kuroo growled, and Tsukishima’s lips snapped shut. “I am going to ask you some questions. You are going to answer them. No excuses, no changing the subject. Once I’m done, I’ll fuck off and leave you alone. Understand?” 

“... Why should-”

“ _ Kei _ .” 

Tsukishima frowned at the use of his given name, but grit his teeth and nodded anyway. 

“What is the reason that you won’t confess?” Kuroo asked first, and lowered himself back into the uncomfortable chair again. 

“I don’t want to be pitied.” Tsukishima answered. 

“Why would you be pitied?”

“Because he’s already taken.” 

Kuroo’s brows knitted together in confusion, and, oh, maybe he didn’t get it after all. Tsukishima thought he’d been caught for a moment. Somehow, this didn’t relieve him. 

“But he’s your friend, right? Don’t you think your life is more important to him than a slightly awkward, one-time conversation?” Kuroo looked disappointed, somehow, by the way his shoulders slumped down. 

So now they were both confused. 

“Maybe so. Maybe to him. It means more to me than that.” Tsukishima said. It didn’t seem a direct enough answer to Kuroo, though, because he rolled his eyes and snorted. 

“Was punishing yourself worth hurting Yamaguchi, too? Or your brother? Or me?” Kuroo had a way of being far too direct and breaking down all his defenses. Tsukishima hated how well he could see through him. 

He loved it, too. 

Another fresh batch of tears slipped down his cheeks, and he was more mindful of his bruises when he tried to swipe them away. 

“... No.” He admitted, finally. He couldn’t meet Kuroo’s eyes anymore. It hurt too much, so he looked down in his lap instead. 

“Okay. I want you to remember that when you answer this next question.” Kuroo said, scooting the chair forward again and reaching up to rest his hand atop one of Tsukishima’s. “Who is it that you’re in love with, so much that you’re willing to let it slowly kill you?” 

Tsukishima was silent, but only for a moment. His eyes focused on the hand covering his own, warm and solid. A second ticked by before he made up his mind. He took a deep breath to ready himself, then slowly turned around his hand beneath Kuroo’s so their palms were facing- and delicately slotted his fingers between each of the older man’s. 

“Kuroo Tetsurou.” 

Silence fell between them again. Tsukishima’s eyes held on their intertwined hands, and he was all too aware of the trembling in his fingers as some small, impossible hope clung to his chest. Hope that Kuroo wouldn’t pull away. Hope that he hadn’t just destroyed everything between them. 

Hope that maybe,  _ maybe _ , Kuroo might love him back. 

“Guy sounds like a real piece of shit, making you suffer like this.” CSaid a quiet voice from his side, but the fingers in Tsukishima’s tightened, and there was the sound of the chair lightly scraping across the chair as Kuroo moved out of the corner of his eye. 

A shadow crossed over Tsukishima, and he froze in place until fingers once again came to his chin and tilted his face . 

“What are-” Tsukishima didn’t get to finish his thought, because in the next second Kuroo was centimeters away from his face and staring him down. 

“Would you let him make it up to you?” Kuroo murmured. His hand slipped from Tsukishima’s chin and trailed softly along his jaw, to his neck, and then up and into messy blonde hair. 

Goosebumps rose all over Tsukishima at the touches, and heat bloomed in his cheeks at the feeling of Kuroo’s breath ghosting across his lips. So close. Not close enough. 

But it didn’t make sense. What was Kuroo trying to accomplish? He was with Kenma, he-

A tickle hit the back of his throat, and Tsukishima quickly turned away and coughed quietly to the side. He heard Kuroo sigh, and once the cough had passed the hand in his hair coaxed him back to look at him. 

“You know, I’m not a doctor yet, but I’m pretty sure you have to actually express your affection for this to go away.” Kuroo said with a soft smile, giving Tsukishima’s hand a small squeeze along with it. “So let’s get that over with, yeah?” 

Tsukishima cursed, closed his eyes, and squeezed Kuroo’s hand back. Fuck it. Like he said, just get it over with. 

“Kuroo, I’m in love with y-” 

Lips covered Tsukishima’s before he could finish. His eyes flashed open to see Kuroo’s closed, and a determined set in his eyebrows. He didn’t respond to the kiss. Couldn’t. His whole body felt stiff, and his heart was  _ pounding _ . The monitor he was hooked up to reflected as much, the quick beeping sounding faded in his consciousness. 

Kuroo’s lips pushed a little harder against his own, trying to coax him to respond, but all he could do was make a choked sound in his throat and sit still. Everything in him longed to melt against the other man, but it was  _ wrong _ , he was-

“Kei…” Kuroo huffed, pulling away and resting his forehead in the crook of Tsukishima’s neck. Hiding his face. Tsukishima stayed frozen, even as fingers began to comb through his hair. “Two things. Real quick.”

Tsukishima took a deep breath, and he could still feel the tickle- but successfully held it back by no small miracle. Every inch of him was on fire; the places they were touching burned hottest, and he couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or a bad one. 

“First, I dunno who you think I’m like, dating or whatever, but I’m not. Totally single here.” Kuroo said. There was a lilt of amusement in his tone, but Tsukishima didn’t feel an ounce of humor. 

_ What. _

“Second…” Kuroo’s lips pressed against Tsukishima’s neck, and the younger man inhaled sharply. “... I, uh, didn’t quite catch that last thing you said. ‘Fraid I’m gonna have to ask you to repeat it.” 

“Kuroo, you can’t… you can’t just-”

“Bzzt, sorry, wrong answer.” Kuroo said, kissing just below Tsukishima’s ear. 

Tsukishima sobbed. The petal that had been clenched tightly in his hand was tossed to the side, and he reached out to curl his fingers into Kuroo’s dark hair and pull him back. 

“I love you.” He muttered, and then he tugged Kuroo closer and sealed their lips together again. Whatever surprise Kuroo may have felt was brief, as was made evident by the way his head almost immediately tilted to the side to slot their mouths together a little more comfortably. 

Their hands detached from each other’s then, as Tsukishima’s arm threw over Kuroo’s shoulders, and Kuroo’s arm snaked around his waist. It was an awkward, fairly unpleasant position with the older man standing and hovering over him, but Tsukishima’s heart felt full and warm and he didn’t care how much his face hurt because  _ Kuroo was kissing him _ . Holding him close. 

The kiss stayed chaste, just soft presses that had Tsukishima feeling light and dizzy and-

“You’re smiling…” Kuroo hummed against him, pulling back slowly to grin down at him. “Looks cute on you.” 

Tsukishima felt himself flush all the way down to his chest, and he scoffed and turned his face away. “Shut up…” He grumbled, and Kuroo just laughed.  _ Laughed. _

Bastard. 

“That’s a good look for you, too. Bet it’ll look even better once this is all healed up.” Kuroo said, brushing his lips lightly against Tsukishima’s bruised cheekbone- careful enough not to hurt him. “I’m really sorry, by the way. I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you. Forgive me?”

Kisses were laid all over Tsukishima’s face, reverent and tender. Loving. 

Oh, he was so overwhelmed. 

“Kuroo, I-”

“You can call me Tetsurou.” Kuroo murmured, pressing his lips at the corner of Tsukishima’s. The younger man turned his head just so, catching those lips in his own and revelling in the way he could feel Kuroo smiling against him. 

“Um… s-should I… come back...later?”

They jumped apart like they’d been struck by lightning, and both their heads whipped back to see a familiar freckled face standing in the doorway. There was a smile on Yamaguchi’s face, small and unsure as his eyes flitted between the two of them. 

Tsukishima didn’t think he could possibly feel more mortified than he did at that moment. 

“Ah, no, sorry! I-I’ve been here for a while now, if you need me to go-” Kuroo started, but Tsukishima clucked his tongue and reached over to grab the older man’s wrist. 

“Don’t you dare.” 

Yamaguchi snorted, smiled wider, and leaned against the nearest wall, eyes fixed now on just Tsukishima. “I take it you’re feeling better, then?” 

“Yamaguchi, you’re my best friend and I cherish you dearly. But I’m going to politely request that you wipe that fucking smirk off your face or get out.” Tsukishima hissed. He made no move to stop it when Kuroo twisted his wrist free and instead laced their fingers together again. Warmth bloomed behind his chest at the movement, and  _ God _ he wanted to kiss him again. 

“I see how it is. Yamaguchi gets a nice ‘request’ to leave, and I get a pillow to the face.” Kuroo teased, grinning down at Tsukishima. 

He changed his mind. He wanted to kick him. 

“Oh, you don’t know? Tsukki’s grumpy when he wakes up. Coulda warned you about that.” Yamaguchi said, playing along and Tsukishima wanted to  _ strangle them both _ . 

“I’ll kick you both out if you don’t shut up.” Tsukishima said, giving them each a cold stare. He still didn’t pull his hand away from Kuroo’s. 

“Hey Tsukki? You’ve been unconscious over a week and if you seriously think I’m gonna let you brush me off like that, I’ve got some unpleasant news for you.” Yamaguchi said, crossing his arms and tapping his foot dramatically. 

Oh. Oh  _ fuck _ . Over a  _ week _ ? 

Shit. 

“Wh- Hold on, I…  _ how long _ ?” Tsukishima demanded, chest seizing with panic over the lost classes and  _ practice _ . They had a game coming up, had he  _ missed it _ ?

Yamaguchi winced, and Kuroo rubbed the back of his head- both of them looking ashamed they hadn’t mentioned it sooner. 

“You were kind of in a coma? Um, it’s wednesday now, and you’ve been out since last tuesday night…” Yamaguchi explained, voice a little quieter and his eyes averted. 

“Oh my God.”

“No, it’s okay, man! Everything’s been taken care of with school and stuff- your brother and I contacted your professors and the captain-” Yamaguchi was talking too fast, but Tsukishima just groaned and flopped back against the bed. 

“I need to get out of here.” He said, his hand tightening around Kuroo’s. 

“You want me to see if we can get you discharged? You… you’re probably starving, yeah?” Yamaguchi asked, shoving off from the wall and stepping back to the door. 

As if on cue, Tsukishima’s stomach grumbled loudly, and Kuroo snickered softly at him. He’d been given nutrients by the IV in his arm, clearly, but that wasn’t the same as having a full belly. Every part of this ordeal was just getting worse and worse. 

Well, not every part. 

“I could eat, too, you know.” Kuroo said, lowering himself to sit again. This time, he opted to rest on the edge of Tsukishima’s bed. That little fact did funny things to the blonde’s chest. “And, uh, I think I might owe you a meal.” 

Tsukishima’s brows furrowed in confusion, and he blinked slowly. “Why do you owe me a meal?”

“Oh my God.” Yamaguchi groaned, and Tsukishima looked over to catch him rolling his eyes. “He’s asking you on a date, dumbass.”

“Yamaguchi! C’mon, man, don’t steal my thunder!” Kuroo said. His lower lip puffed out in a ridiculous pout, and Tsukishima wanted to bite it. 

Which he would. Later. 

“You gotta spell it out for this useless guy.” Yamaguchi laughed, sticking his tongue out at Tsukishima. “Just because he’s got a brain doesn’t mean that he uses it.”

For the second time that day, Tsukishima’s pillow went flying across the room. Yamaguchi just slipped out the door to dodge it, cackling all the while. 

Kuroo chuckled and tried to stand and retrieve the pillow, but Tsukishima didn't let him get far. His hand held firm, and tugged him back hard before Kuroo could get too far. Clearly caught by surprise, Kuroo was spun around way too fast on the slippery tile floor; he tripped a bit over the bed and ended up half-kneeling over Tsukishima. Since he’d been caught off guard, and ended up in a…  _ suggestive  _ position over the younger man, Kuroo’s cheeks went tomato red. 

_ Ah, that expression is cute _ , Tsukishima thought, and he snickered as Kuroo just froze over him. 

“Something wrong, Mister Cool Guy?” He teased, snaking his free hand around the base of Kuroo’s neck and twirling a finger into the wispy hairs there. A smile quirked his lips up a little when he saw Kuroo shiver at it, all too pleased with seeing him get embarrassed. “Are you going to just stare at me or are you going to ask me out properly?” Oh, that was a new shade of red on the older man. Tsukishima’s smile grew wider. 

“How can you expect me to think when you’re looking at me like that?” Kuroo said, blinking and letting a matching grin slip onto his own face. “Can I kiss you again?”

“Not until you ask the right question.”

Kuroo pouted again, and Tsukishima’s eyes darted down to stare at those cute, puffed out lips. “But I can kiss you after that?”

“Tetsurou.” Kei said, voice flat and one eyebrow tilting up in mild annoyance. 

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” Kuroo chuckled, bringing his free hand up to rest over Tsukishima’s heart. “Will you let me date you?” 

Tsukishima snorted at how awkward it sounded out loud, but watching Kuroo be embarrassing was one of his favorite pastimes. It was one of those endearing things that had made him fall for the older man in the first place. 

“Let me think about it.”

“Tsukkiiii.” Kuroo whined, dropping their foreheads together and staring him down. “Let me kiss you.”

“Fine.” 

Kuroo wasted no time pressing into another kiss, tilting his head just so to avoid Tsukishima’s bruises. The thoughtful, careful act made Tsukishima’s heart swell, and he  _ finally _ let go of Kuroo’s hand to wrap around the older man’s shoulders and hold him close. Their lips moved together slowly, both of them just breathing the other in and getting lost in the moment. 

Until a throat cleared at the door, and Tsukishima groaned at the second interruption and pulled back to glare at the door. 

“Mister Tsukishima? We need you to sign a few things before you’re discharged, and perform a quick physical exam, but you should be out within the hour.” A nurse said, her eyes politely fixed on Tsukishima but a light pink stain in her cheeks. “And, um, I’m afraid visiting hours have just ended, Mister Kuroo. If you would like to wait in the lobby-”

“Ah, thank you, Miss Misaki, but I’ve gotta get cleaned up for a date tonight. I’ll be back to pick him up, though!” Kuroo announced, grinning over at her proudly and watching her smile grow a little. 

“Oh, congratulations! I’m very happy for the both of you.” She said, visibly trying to hold back laughter at the way Tsukishima could  _ feel _ his face twisting in embarrassment and mild horror. 

_ How did Kuroo just say things like that without flinching?  _ Ugh. He was starting to feel a little regretful at his taste in men. 

Kuroo left, then, and Tsukishima was carefully detached from the IV tube and the heart monitor, and then the nurse checked his vitals and reflexes. Upon being deemed fit to leave, he was left alone to redress, and then shoved clipboard after clipboard to review and sign. His body ached just a little after having been still for so long, but it was nothing compared to how he sometimes felt after an intense volleyball match. 

The doctors told him he might cough up a few more petals over the course of the week, but that it was just his body purging what had already grown inside him. The idea sounded unpleasant, but they explained that the remnants of the flowers would shrink and become less difficult to get out, but that if he had any trouble to return immediately. 

Of course, his mind only processed about half the information- his heart was racing at the thought of spending an uninterrupted evening along with Kuroo. 

Yamaguchi was in the lobby when all the paperwork was done, and he waited and talked with Tsukishima until Kuroo returned to pick him up. 

And oh, he looked fucking  _ delicious _ in the crimson button-up that was undone at the top, black denim jeans, and black leather jacket. That color scheme had always been his best look, but the way his clothes were fitted to his body and accentuated his form had Tsukishima quickly losing his  _ mind _ . 

It occurred to him, then, that he was absolutely,  _ definitely _ going to see Kuroo naked at some point. 

“Tsukki, you’re blushing.” Yamaguchi whispered in his ear, and it just made him go redder. 

“Shut up.” Tsukishima huffed, shoving back his best friend who just laughed and patted a hand down on his back. 

“Go get some food! Call me later, okay?” Yamaguchi said, grinning widely after Tsukishima who just waved him off. 

“Hey, how’re ya feeling?” Kuroo asked when Tsukishima came close enough, reaching up to rest a hand between the younger man’s shoulder blades and lead him along. 

“Like I’d kill for a burger.” Tsukishima answered, frowning at the humidity they stepped into just outside the hospital entrance. At least it wasn’t raining. Yet. 

“I think that can be arranged.” Kuroo said, dragging his hand slowly down Tsukishima’s spine and then around his side to slip their fingers together again. 

Tsukishima shivered, despite the warm evening around them. 

“But I mean physically. Do we need to get a ride somewhere or do you want to walk?” Kuroo clarified, his phone out in his free hand and his thumb hovering over a rideshare app. What a goddamn gentleman. 

“Everything’s a little stiff. Kinda want to work it out.” Tsukishima said honestly. He’d been laid up too long, in his opinion. Besides, he was feeling way too much energy from the fact that he was with the man of his  _ literal dreams _ , and he needed to stretch out their time together as much as he could to try and burn off the intense affection that was swelling in his chest. 

“‘Kay, but let me know if you get tired. I’ll take any excuse to sweep you off your feet.” Kuroo said, as if he hadn’t already charmed Tsukishima to a  _ mess _ . 

“Cheesy.” 

“You love me.” Kuroo sing-songed, giving his hand a little squeeze. 

“Don’t make me regret that.” 

“I would never.”

Tsukishima kissed him.

* * *

Tsukishima wasn’t allowed to drink until the next day, so he was woeful when he couldn’t drown his nerves in alcohol their entire date. It was surprisingly relaxing, though, and felt no different than when they had just hung out as friends. Just more focused. 

At least, it was focused until Tsukishima slipped his foot slowly up Kuroo’s leg under their corner table at the food joint they’d chosen. The meal had only been half finished, but Tsukishima’s stomach was full anyway, and the look that the older man gave him indicated that he didn’t care about finishing the meal anymore. The waitress was flagged down, their bill was paid by Kuroo, and then Tsukishima paid for the taxi back to Kuroo’s hotel room. 

With how long Tsukishima had been away from home, he insisted that Kuroo stayed with him for the rest of the time he was there. All of the older man’s belongings were gathered, he checked out, and they took another ride back to Tsukishima’s apartment building. By that time, some of the heat had died down in them- until Kuroo casually slid his hand up the back of Tsukishima’s thigh in the elevator, and cupped a handful of his ass. 

Tsukishima  _ burns _ .

Kuroo’s things ended up on the floor in Tsukishima’s doorway; his drawstring backpack dropped out of his hands in favor of gripping the younger man’s hips and driving him back against the wall. He didn’t kiss him right away, choosing instead to bury his face in Tsukishima’s neck and kissing lightly at the skin there. 

“It’s only fair you know that I’ve thought about this.” Kuroo said, and the deep, rumbling voice had Tsukishima’s breath catching in his throat. 

“Yeah?” He replied,  _ far _ too breathy and high-pitched for his liking. Kuroo, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy it, because he moaned and pressed his hips firmly against Tsukishima’s. Neither of them were hard yet, but heat shot straight downward between Tsukishima’s legs and threatened to change that  _ fast _ .

“Yeah. Thought about kissing you stupid…” Kuroo said, pulling back to stare heatedly at Tsukishima’s mouth. One hand came up to Tsukishima’s chin, and his thumb rubbed enticingly against his lower lip. “...thought about stripping you down…” He continued, hooking two fingers of his other hand into the waistband of Tsukishima’s jeans. “...tasting every inch of you…”

“ _ God _ , that… sounds good, do that,  _ please _ .” Tsukishima breathed. He had to tilt his head down a little to reach Kuroo’s lips- a fact that pleased him  _ immensely-  _ but he was stopped by the same finger that had been caressing his lip so gently. 

“But I want to take care of you, first and foremost. You look exhausted-”

“Thanks, that’s a real compliment.”

“- and you said you felt stiff earlier. Do you wanna take a shower? Let me relax you a little?” Kuroo said, stealing a quick kiss from Tsukishima when he was done. There was definitely still heat between them, but there was also caution- like he was trying not to unravel all of Tsukishima too fast. 

He loved him so much. 

“Are you saying I stink?” He challenged with a small smirk, slipping his arms around Kuroo’s shoulders again and holding him close. Much to his disdain, though, he really hadn’t showered in over a week. The cold of the hospital had kept him from sweating, but now that the thought was in his head, he could feel the buildup of grease in his hair and frowned in disgust. “No, you’re right, actually. I’m gross right now.”

Kuroo just laughed and stole another kiss, pulling him along towards the open bedroom door. He’d only been over once before, so it wasn’t a surprise that he knew where he was going- but there was still something so  _ thrilling _ about Kuroo leading him through his own apartment to the room they’d be sharing for the night. 

Possibly longer, if Kuroo decided to extend his stay. 

Tsukishima pushed the leather jacket off Kuroo’s shoulders when they reached the room, and tossed it over the back of his desk chair. He worked on the older man’s button-down shirt next, task a bit slowed by the way they were kissing as they stumbled towards the bathroom together. The light was flicked on, and then Tsukishima had the time to stop and finish undoing the buttons, sighing in appreciation when he untucked the shirt and pulled it open enough to properly take in the sight of Kuroo’s bare chest. 

“This is fucking ridiculous.” He muttered, mostly to himself. His lower lip was caught between his own teeth as he let one hand drag down Kuroo’s abdomen, exploring. He had already been fit and muscular in high school, but he was more solid than he was lanky now, filled out and firm in a way he hadn’t been before. He was stupidly gorgeous and Tsukishima was irrationally jealous. 

“You wanna keep going? Or is it my turn yet?” Kuroo asked, a lazy grin on his face as his hands snuck to Tsukishima’s rear and gave each cheek a firm squeeze. 

Tsukishima met his gaze, and deftly flicked open Kuroo’s belt without looking. The older man inhaled at that, and dove forward to hungrily kiss Tsukishima. A pleased hum vibrated out of Tsukishima’s chest when a hot tongue dragged across his lower lip, and he felt hot sparks all over when he sucked it into his mouth to meet his own. His fingers kept going- they pulled the button of Kuroo’s jeans free, and dragged the zipper down as slowly as he could. 

“Tease…” Kuroo huffed against his lips, retaliating by hooking his fingers in Tsukishima’s sweatpants-  _ fucking sweatpants, of course Akiteru wouldn’t pack him nice clothes _ \- and yanking them down around his thighs. Along with his boxers, apparently. 

Tsukishima hissed at the sudden cold air, but his face heated rapidly at having been so suddenly exposed. 

“Fuck you.” He said, but let Kuroo drop the pants to the floor and stepped out of them all the same. 

“I mean, yeah, that’s my ideal goal here.” Kuroo said, sounding way too fucking smug. Looking way too fucking attractive. 

“Oh, was that what we were doing? Didn’t figure you the type to fuck on a first date.” Tsukishima fired back, taking his time to tug Kuroo’s pants and boxers down. The way Kuroo’s smirk faltered as the fabric dragged over his semi-hard dick was gratifying enough, but the sharp inhale that came from him was just a  _ treat _ when Tsukishima went down to his knees to bite at his hip bone. 

“As much as I appreciate the view, I’m sure you can’t be comfortable on your knees like that.” Kuroo hummed. His fingers moved to stroke at Tsukishima’s temple, and Kei couldn’t help but lean into the warm touch. 

“Just wanted to see exactly what I was getting myself into.” 

“Shouldn’t that be the other way around?”

Tsukishima groaned, rolled his eyes, and let his forehead drop against Kuroo’s thigh. His very nice,  _ very  _ muscular thigh. “I’m going to need you to shut the fuck up if you want to stand a chance at getting that tonight.” 

Kuroo laughed again, and  _ God _ Tsukishima could find a home in that sound. It was a little too loud and boisterous, but it matched Kuroo perfectly and Tsukishima couldn’t even pretend to hate it. He was, however, determined to get Kuroo back for his over-the-top innuendos, so he turned his head to the side and licked a hot stripe up the side of the half-hard cock bobbing next to his face. Kuroo’s laugh died on a breathy sigh, and he finished stepping out of the jeans pooled at his ankles before grabbing Tsukishima by his upper arms and hauling him back to his feet. 

“Shower first, yeah?” Kuroo asked, considerate even as his pupils dilated and his dick jumped in arousal. 

“If you insist.” Tsukishima said, a sly smirk on his face when he reached down to the hem of his dark gray shirt and finally pulled it off over his head. A short kiss was laid on Kuroo’s lips, and then Tsukishima moved away from him to get the water going. Kuroo draped himself against Kei’s back, laying kisses all over his shoulders and neck while they waited for the water to heat. Tsukishima just sighed and relaxed into the gentle touches, fighting back a smirk and the erection he could feel poking awkwardly at his upper thigh. 

“You’re fucking gorgeous, you know that?” Kuroo said, teeth catching at the skin over the top of his spine and sinking in lightly to suck at it. Hands slid around to his front, running up his abdomen and chest- not groping, just  _ feeling _ . How was Tsukishima supposed to resist going lax in his hold and basking in the attention. 

“Probably look better if my face wasn’t broken.” 

“Mm, you’re pretty anyways.” 

Tsukishima just hummed a noncommittal response, reached out to check the water, and found it suitably hot for them. Before stepping in, though, he carefully reached up and peeled off the medical tape over his nose, hissing at the sting that came with touching the bruises. 

“You okay?” Kuroo asked, hooking his chin over Tsukishima’s shoulder and eyeing him carefully. He could feel the older man’s warm breath rolling over his cheek, and thought again how fucking  _ overwhelming  _ this all was. 

He wondered, briefly, if all of this was a dream- but then his nose throbbed painfully and he was brought back to the present. 

“Just sore. I’ll be fine.” He said, turning in Kuroo’s hold to toss the bandages into the small trash can in the corner. He missed. He mourned his lack of glasses, and then it hit him that he probably wouldn’t be able to wear his backup pair until his face was more healed, anyway. Damn it all. 

“Mmkay. Try and keep your face out of the direct spray, alright?” Kuroo instructed, leading them both into the shower with a soft kiss to Tsukishima’s lips. 

“You know, you’re clingier than I thought you’d be.” 

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Jury’s still out on that. Check back later.” Tsukishima said, a smile playing at his lips as he met Kuroo’s gaze and pulled him into another kiss. 

The spray felt nice against his back, just hard enough to feel like it was massaging his sore muscles, and hot enough to finally rid him of the chill he’d felt since he woke up in that freezing room. Kuroo's hands finally left him, but he kept their lips firmly locked together even as he reached around Tsukishima to grab at the bottle of shampoo.

"Can I?" Kuroo asked, pulling back a bit to smile at Tsukishima. He poured the shampoo in his hand, anyway, not waiting for a response. 

"You seem to have already made up your mind."

"Caught me."

They both chuckled, and Tsukishima obligingly tilted his head back into the spray to soak his hair. Some of the hot water trickled down his face, and he winced at the discomfort of it on his bruises. It was fine, though, because Kuroo pulled him forward until just his lower body was getting hit by the stream, and then gentle hands were massaging suds into his wet locks. 

He was reminded of the shower he'd taken with Yamaguchi, and felt a small twinge of guilt for using him the way he did. As he recalled, though, Yamaguchi had quite enjoyed their time together, and the smile he'd shown them when Tsukishima left the hospital with Kuroo had been genuine. He didn't deserve Yamaguchi, really. Nobody did. 

His eyes slipped closed when Kuroo's nails scratched lightly against his scalp, and a small, pleased sigh huffed out past his lips. It felt nice, and he let out a proper moan when Kuroo did it again, a little harder. 

“That’s a nice sound.” 

Tsukishima opened his eyes again, seeing the heated look Kuroo was giving him, and then he felt the gentle fingers in his hair grip into it and tug him a little forcefully back under the spray to rinse. 

“You’re making it really difficult to want to be clean right now.” Tsukishima warned, and he reached over to grab Kuroo’s hip and pull them flush together again. 

“Patience really isn’t your strong suit, huh?” Kuroo said, hands going gentle again as they helped work the bubbles out of Tsukishima’s hair. 

“How long have you known me?” 

“I don’t really think it matters how long I’ve known you. I gotta get to know you  _ better _ . Have to start somewhere, don’t I?” Kuroo purred. His hands fell away from Tsukishima’s hair then, and took his shoulders to spin them around in the shower. Tsukishima shivered at the sudden cold, and was about to protest until he saw Tetsurou reach for the loofah and body wash. 

“I can do that part myself.” Tsukishima said, plucking both of the items from Kuroo’s grasp and pouring a generous amount of soap onto the scrubbie. 

“What, I don’t get to feel you up?”

“No, because one of us will get carried away and then we won’t make it to the fucking  _ bed _ .”

“Mm, you know, that’s fair.” Kuroo chuckled with a small shrug. 

Tsukishima eyed him carefully as he soaped himself down, watching as Kuroo’s gaze followed his every movement. He lingered a little too long over his chest and between his thighs, delighted when Kuroo lingered there too. 

“Aren’t you going to clean up too?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow up in amusement when Kuroo’s head snapped back up to meet his face. 

“Showered at the hotel before they released you. Just enjoying the show.” Kuroo answered, rolling his shoulders under the spray and grinning salaciously at Tsukishima. 

“You’re a fucking tease.”

“Want me to wash your back?”

“Gonna keep your hands to yourself?”

“Not a chance.”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, for the umpteenth time that day, but handed the soapy loofah over anyway and turned around. Kuroo rubbed the suds over him in small, firm circles, massaging the skin with each movement. He started at Tsukishima’s shoulders and worked his way down, slow and meticulous, but when he got low enough, he darted the loofah between Tsukishima’s cheeks boldly and laughed at the jump that it got him. 

“Fucker.” Tsukishima griped, turning his head to glare at Kuroo’s smug face. 

“I mean, I literally told you I wasn’t going to behave.” Kuroo said, innocently rubbing at Tsukishima’s lower back now. As much as he wanted to argue, Kuroo was right, and he honestly didn’t mind that much, anyway. 

“Cheeky.” 

“You love me.”

“That’s been established.”

“I like hearing it said out loud, anyway.” Kuroo’s smile was a little smaller, more genuine then, and Tsukishima couldn’t help but mirror it. 

“I love you.” Tsukishima said, and let Kuroo pull him back into his arms- and consequently, back under the water for the bubbles to rinse off.

“I love you too, Kei.” Kuroo replied, running his hands down Tsukishima’s chest to help rinse off the bubbles. He mouthed lightly at the skin under Tsukishima’s ear, sucking a tiny bruise there as the suds washed away. It felt so tender, so…  _ romantic _ , the way Kuroo touched him. 

Tsukishima had pegged Kuroo as the fast and intense type, but he was taking his time with Kei. Every single action seemed to have thought and purpose behind it, seemingly with the intent to unravel him bit by bit. He regretted his decision to wait this long to confess. 

Even when they stepped out of the shower, Kuroo kept up the gentleman routine. He didn’t jump Tsukishima’s bones, much as the younger man would have liked. Instead, he toweled him down slowly, leaving soft kisses all over his body as he went. He even went as far as blow-drying both of their hair, saying something about wet pillows, but Tsukishima was more focused on enjoying all the intimate touches he was being subjected to. Even if he wanted them to turn a little harder, a little rougher. 

“You still feeling okay?” Kuroo asked when the hair dryer clicked off. 

“I’m fine. Just my face hurts.” Tsukishima said, grabbing both of Kuroo’s wrists and pulling them through the door into the bedroom. “We can work around it.”

“You sure? We could just watch TV if you want, or go to sleep if you’re tired-”

“Tetsurou, I want this.” Tsukishima interrupted, stopping just shy of the bed. “Do you?”

Kuroo cupped Tsukishima’s cheeks and pulled him in to peck at his lips. “Yeah. Just want to be sure we’re on the same page. Let me know if I do anything that hurts or that you don’t like, okay?” With that, Kuroo guided Tsukishima back further, until his knees hit the edge of the bed, and then further until Tsukishima sat down and Kuroo could climb in his lap. 

“I could care less what you do as long as this ends with you inside me.” 

“How romantic, Tsukki.”

“How many times do I hav-” Tsukishima was cut off when Kuroo surged forward to kiss him again. It was hot and dirty and their tongues met immediately, and Tsukishima began to go warm with arousal. A hand pushed against his chest, urging him back to lay fully against the bed, and Kuroo went down with him to keep their lips locked.

“Yeah, yeah, I got it,  _ Kei _ .” Kuroo muttered, bringing his thumbs up to rub over Tsukishima’s nipples and pulling a gasp from him. 

“Ah, it’s not fair to try and distract me when I’m telling you off.” Tsukishima said, but he didn’t protest the next kiss he was given. Nor did he stop himself from arching into the touch when Kuroo pinched both nipples between his fingers and rolled them pleasantly. 

“It’s called foreplay, baby.” 

“Okay, that’s definitely not a better name.” 

Kuroo laughed, and slipped one hand into Tsukishima’s hair, and rested their foreheads together again. “Impossible to please.”

“Pretty easy, actually.” Tsukishima breathed, letting his own hands glide over Kuroo’s chest, down and down and down, until one of them rested on his hip- and the other curled around Kuroo’s growing erection. “You just have to shut up and touch me.”

A soft moan rewarded him, and then Kuroo was manhandling him further up the bed, rolling Tsukishima on top of him, and positioning him astride his hips. “Can’t guarantee I’ll shut up, but the touching part I can get behind.” He purred, reaching behind Tsukishima to grip his ass firmly and pulling him to grind against him  _ hard _ . Tsukishima sucked in a breath, rolled his hips down again to chase the feeling, and met Kuroo’s gaze. 

“Deal.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey remember how this was supposed to be like 4 chapters max and now I still have at least 2 left to write BECAUSE I DO anyway sorry for the cutoff but I promise you'll get some more goodies next chapter! This was just gettin real long and I decided to not make you guys wait any longer for some GODDAMN FLUFF and just a wee bit of spice. And also some Extra Supportive Yamaguchi TM. He's the real MVP y'all better give this man his respect. Comments appreciated! Let me know if you're enjoying it so far!


	6. Your Love Tastes Sweet (I'm Greedy For More)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They both get what they've wanted all along, and maybe a little more, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN REAL PATIENT WITH ME SO HERE, GRATUITOUS SMUT. COME GET Y'ALL JUICE

There was fire churning low in Tsukishima’s gut with the intoxicating way Kuroo touched him. Their hips rutted together slowly, steadily, while Kuroo took his time mapping out every inch of Tsukishima’s skin with his lips and tongue and fingertips. Tsukishima groaned when the older man latched his teeth around a pert nipple, tugging it lightly in a way that had his cock twitching,  _ needy _ , against Kuroo’s hip. 

“How do you wanna do this?” Kuroo muttered, eyes half-lidded and pupils blown wide when they caught Tsukishima’s own. The way he was looking at Tsukishima should be  _ illegal _ . 

“I don’t care. Just want you to fuck me.” Tsukishima answered, curling a fist in Kuroo’s wild hair and tugging his head back to lean in and kiss him. A moan was lost between them when their hips slotted just right, dragging their erections together  _ perfectly _ . He could feel Kuroo’s  _ heartbeat _ in his  _ cock _ . He started to feel dizzy with it all- and when Kuroo bit down on his bottom lip at the same time a finger dipped between his cheeks to drag over his pucker, he  _ whined _ and curled a hand tightly enough against Kuroo’s bicep for his nails to leave crescent marks on the tanned skin there. 

Apparently Kuroo enjoyed a little pain, because the kiss broke apart on the older man’s sharp inhale, and his hips stuttered up a little harder. 

“Wanna see your face when you come.” Kuroo said, his voice rough and breathy. Tsukishima liked having that effect on him. “Think I’m gonna do this the right way for the first time, yeah? Wanna learn every last inch of you.” 

Tsukishima felt a surge of arousal to his groin, and a rapid bloom of warmth in his face. It seemed Kuroo really was intent on turning him into an utter mess. He looked forward to being subjected to it immensely. 

Kuroo went to roll Tsukishima to his back, but Kei snatched up both his wrists and pinned them to the sides of Kuroo’s head before he could be knocked off his lap. A dark, sculpted eyebrow was raised up at him, but his eyes were suddenly zeroed in on the older man’s neck. 

It wasn’t even that hot outside. Akiteru had turned off the AC when he’d come by to grab Kei’s clothes to save him some money, though, so the apartment was warmer than his usual preferred temperature. It should be uncomfortable- and it still sort of was, but there was a side effect to the heat that had Tsukishima finding himself grateful for it. 

Beneath him, Kuroo was sweating. Not much(not yet), but there was a thin sheen on them both already, and they’d barely started any…  _ strenuous activity _ . But there was one droplet that had welled up previously unbeknownst to them both. 

Right over Kuroo’s Adam's apple. JIt just about gave him whiplash, thinking back to that  _ stupid fucking picture _ . The one that started all this. 

And now, not only was there nothing  _ stopping  _ him from taking what he’d always wantd, but he would probably even be  _ encouraged _ .

“Kei? You alr- ah- Mm, that’s… nice...” Kuroo groaned when Tsukishima darted forward and sealed his lips firmly around the flesh to lap up the salty droplet, the way he’d imagined. He tongued it away, and then let his teeth latch into the skin and sucked a bruise there. By now he was sure that his own skin was littered with marks from the way Kuroo had been mouthing at him earlier, and he figured a little payback was in order. 

Right where  _ everyone _ could see it. So everyone would know that Kuroo was  _ his _ . 

“Fuck, I’d love to feel what else that mouth could do.” Kuroo hummed. Tsukishima could feel his throat vibrate against his lips and tongue, and it made him feel powerful, somehow. He released the skin with a wet sound, lapped broadly over it one last time, and pulled back to inspect his work. 

Kuroo looked good with his mark. 

“Some other time.” Tsukishima muttered, like an afterthought, loosening his grip on Kuroo’s wrists and skimming his fingertips lightly down his strong forearms. “If you’re not inside me in the next five minutes I’m kicking you out.” 

A strangled, low noise came out of Kuroo then, and Tsukishima couldn’t tell if it was indignant or  _ aroused _ . Until he blinked, and found himself manhandled down to his back with Kuroo taking place to hover over him tantalisingly. It was almost intimidating the way Tetsurou’s eyes burned into him, raked over his body, and settled somewhere on his chest. Tsukishima would be lying if he said it didn’t send shivers racing down his spine and leaving him tingly in anticipation.

“I have never wanted anything in my life more than I want you right now.” Kuroo said, dragging a palm down Tsukishima’s chest and stomach and pausing just below his navel. So close to touching him properly. Not close enough. “Lube?”

“Drawer- in the nightstand…” Tsukishima answered, a little too eagerly, and sounding strained even to his own ears. Kuroo grinned down at him at the breathy response, laid a short, searing kiss on his lips, and leaned off to the side to dig through the drawer. He made a slightly triumphant noise upon locating the half-empty bottle of KY, and wasted no time popping the cap to pour the lube over his fingers.

There weren’t many words shared after that- just heated kisses and exploring touches and gentle praises as Kuroo worked him open one slick finger at a time. His legs were spread by Kuroo’s thighs holding them apart, and the older man’s gaze flickered back and forth between Tsukishima’s expression and the place where his digits disappeared in his body. He tried to cover his face, feeling too  _ exposed _ like this- but Kuroo just gently took hold of his wrist with his free hand and pulled it away with a cluck of a tongue. 

“You spent enough time hiding from me. Let me see you now, okay?” Kuroo admonished, tone devious and grin damn near  _ predatory. _ Tsukishima was taller than Tetsurou, but he suddenly felt so small under his scrutiny.

Every thrust of Kuroo’s fingers inside of him had Kei’s hips twitching eagerly, and when Kuroo rubbed over his prostate his teeth grit together so hard it  _ hurt _ . It was so  _ good _ , and Kuroo didn’t stop there. 

“A-ah- fuck, Tetsurou!” Tsukishima cursed, hips rocking down- desperate- as Kuroo circled the gland slowly and firmly in a way that had him  _ aching _ . The way he involuntarily clenched around Tetsurou’s fingers had him hissing again, feeling the pressure just that little bit more intensely. He needed Kuroo’s dick inside him  _ now _ or he was going to lose his fucking mind.

“God, baby, you sound so good falling apart for me…” Kuroo praised, ducking down to bite at the meat of Tsukishima’s muscular pec, pulling another hiss from him as his cock jumped and dribbled out another thick bead of precome. 

“Please,  _ please _ \- ah! Shut up and fuck me, Tetsurou, ‘m gonna come  _ just hurry up _ !” Tsukishima snapped, reaching down to shove at Kuroo’s chest to get him to stop the intoxicating torture. He wanted to hit that stupid, smug look off of the older man’s face, and his own expression probably said as much because a second later Kuroo’s fingers were withdrawing and he shifted to slot himself more firmly between Tsukishima’s thighs. 

“Alright, alright, I got you, love.” Kuroo murmured, leaning over to press a kiss in the junction between Tsukishima’s neck and shoulder. Tsukishima couldn’t see it, but he felt Kuroo’s knuckles brush against his thigh to grasp at his own cock- and then the blunt head of that  _ gorgeous _ , thick length was catching promisingly against his wet, loosened hole. “Ready?” 

Tsukishima groaned and rolled his hips down in lieu of a verbal answer- but Kuroo just hummed and brought an arm across his middle to pin him down. Bastard. Had Tsukishima not begged enough already? He just wanted to tear his hair out in frustration. This was ridiculous. Never in his life had he  _ needed _ to be filled this bad.  _ Fuck _ .

“Want you to say it, Kei.”

“Goddamnit, Tetsurou, fuck me! Need you,  _ you insufferable prick _ , give me your fucking dick right n-” All of Tsukishima’s anger (and his breath) was stolen away on a punched-out moan when Kuroo finally,  _ finally _ pushed forward and sank a few glorious inches into him. Kei’s hands trembled as they scrabbled for purchase at Kuroo’s back, needing to grab something to keep him grounded. His blunt nails dug into the firm, warm skin there, and a low groan rumbled out of Kuroo’s chest. It shouldn’t be legal to sound as fucking  _ hot _ as that. 

Tsukishima couldn’t manage to think coherently then, too overwhelmed by the pleasant stretch and the beautiful, sweat-slicked man rocking into him. It seemed Kuroo was just as affected, and Tsukishima found enough presence of mind to memorize the expression the man above him wore. His pupils were blown wide and a bit glassy, kiss-bruised lips parted and huffing out little pleased noises, and an attractive crimson flush high on his sharp cheekbones. He wasn’t taunting anymore, just raking his eyes down Tsukishima’s body and rolling his hips slowly. Finally, it seemed, he’d found a way to shut the other man up. 

Their lips connected again as Kuroo pressed deeper and deeper into him on short little thrusts that had heat pooling low in his belly. When their hips finally settled together, Tsukishima’s eyes were screwed shut and he was damn near hyperventilating. This was everything,  _ everything _ he’d ever wanted, and he wasn’t totally sure that he wasn’t about to wake up from the world’s cruelest dream. 

“Whoa, hey, baby look at me…” Kuroo murmured, cutting off Kei’s train of thought. His fingers were warm where they settled on Tsukishima’s cheeks, bringing him a point of focus other than where he was stretched around Kuroo’s  _ perfect _ cock. He opened his eyes to see that Tetsurou’s brows were furrowed in concern, and his eyes had regained a little clarity as they flicked over Tsukishima’s face. “What’s wrong? You hurt?” 

Tsukishima blinked, and then he felt something wet roll down from the corner of his eye to his temple. Huh. 

“I’m fine…” He breathed, taking a slow, shaky breath to calm himself. It didn’t do much, though, when he could feel Kuroo  _ twitch _ inside him, and it came back out on a broken sob. Too much,  _ not enough _ . “I just… fuck, Tetsu, this is- so much, I-” He struggled to find the right words, looking anywhere but Kuroo’s eyes now. 

“You wanna stop?” The little edge of disappointment in Kuroo’s tone damn near broke Kei’s heart.

“No!” It came out too quick, too eager, and Kuroo’s expression shifted in amusement- he almost looked like he wanted to laugh. He didn’t. “Keep going, please, I need to feel you.” 

“Fuck, Kei, you drive me fucking crazy…” Kuroo groaned. His head dropped again, and Tsukishima felt lips smooth down the side of his neck at the same time the older man dragged almost entirely out of him. The press back in was a little faster this time, and at a slightly different angle. And then again, seeking out the place that would have Tsukishima writhing under him. It took a few tries, but when Kuroo finally found the right position to hit Kei’s prostate- made obvious by the loud gasp the blonde let out and an upward jerk of his hips- he chuckled and bucked into him  _ harder _ . 

“Ah- yeah, that’s…” Tsukishima’s words died on his tongue when Kuroo took that as a sign and stopped holding back. Little gasps and moans were pulled from him at the quick, deep pace the other man started, setting his every nerve alight. Kuroo was relentless, snapping his hips up at a steady speed and that angle that had Tsukishima  _ dizzy  _ with each grind against his sweet spot. He already knew he wasn’t going to last long, especially after strong hands curled under his thighs and  _ pulled _ his legs up and apart. 

The room quickly filled with the wet slap of their hips meeting over and over, along their shared moans and gasps and whispers of praise and ‘ _ oh fuck’ _ s and ‘ _ more _ ’s- drowning out the sound of rain that had come back to batter at the windows. Everything Tsukishima was suddenly narrowed down to the stretch of his body around Kuroo’s cock, fucking into him just right and fitting him like the puzzle piece he’d been missing for so long. His every sense was filled with  _ Tetsurou _ , and nothing else in the world mattered. He could see Kuroo’s muscles jump and tighten with every thrust, could smell the traces of cologne that hadn’t quite washed off in the shower, hear the pleased sighs spilling from kiss-swollen lips, feel rough hands gripping his thighs hard enough to  _ bruise _ , and taste sweet mint on his tongue when Kuroo dove down to kiss his breath away again. 

It was good,  _ so  _ good, and every snap of Kuroo’s hips into him had sweet, tingling pressure building deliciously in his pelvis. The pace was becoming a little faster, now- less long, smooth thrusts and more desperate, short grinds against Tsukishima’s prostate that had him  _ writhing  _ and begging incoherently for more,  _ more _ , harder, just like that,  _ yes _ . The head of his own dick was an angry, glistening red now, almost entirely ignored except for the occasional brush against Kuroo’s abdomen when Tsukishima’s back arched up on particularly good thrusts.

“Kei, fuck, feels- ah- so good, so tight- shit, wanna see your pretty face when you come,  _ fuck _ , c’mon, baby…” Oh, God, Kuroo should not ever be allowed to speak like this ever again; he sounded  _ amazing _ when he was drunk on sex. He was all low growls and hot, heavy sighs and moans that had Tsukishima’s cock jumping and it was  _ too much _ and he just wanted to  _ come _ -

And before Tsukishima could even  _ try  _ to reach down and stroke himself off, Kuroo’s sweat-slick hand was wrapping around him and  _ squeezing _ as it jerked him in time with his rough, shallow thrusts. Kei could hardly take it, almost sobbing with relief as he was finally touched properly. His hands were still clinging desperately to the older man’s shoulder blades, and his nails dug further into Kuroo’s skin and raked down when a thumb rubbed firmly over his slit- and it felt like he was being electrocuted and it left him  _ shaking _ as he threw his head back and  _ came _ . 

Fireworks didn’t even begin to describe it. Sparks lit up all over his body, lancing pleasure down his every limb in waves and he arched his back obscenely (years of stretching for volleyball kept him flexible) and painted white across both their chests. His legs jerked, hips bouncing down to bury Kuroo’s cock deeper inside him and ride the orgasm for all it was worth.

He was fucked through it all, and right when overstimulation was starting to edge into the wrong side of painful, he heard a cut-off groan above him and felt Kuroo pull out and splash hot and wet against his hip.

Ah, he should have asked him to come inside. Now he just felt empty. 

Kuroo lowered down onto him, solid and heavy, and then before all the stars could clear from Kei’s eyes, the older man was consuming his lips in another slow, deep kiss. Their tongues dragged together lazily, all their energy suddenly reduced to just enough for their fingers to find each other and tangle loosely. 

“Gorgeous… can’t believe I waited so long to see you like this, Kei…” Kuroo murmured when he pulled away, dragging his lips over Tsukishima’s jaw and then biting down lightly over his neck. The feeling made Tsukishima twitch a little, but it felt  _ good _ \- especially when he felt a hot tongue suctioning against his skin. Fuck. Kuroo’s mouth was sinful. 

“My fault too.” Tsukishima said, closing his eyes for a minute and letting himself catch his breath and sink back to reality. He could feel the sweat and cum drying sticky between them now, and he groaned and nudged at Kuroo with his knee. “Get off, I need to turn on the AC.”

“Mm, I just did get off, thanks for offering, though.” 

Tsukishima rolled his eyes and smacked the back of Kuroo’s head. The older man just snickered and moved off him to the other side of the full-size bed. A little cramped for them both, but big enough they’d still fit. Besides, Kuroo wasn’t getting out of this without a thorough cuddling session. Not on Tsukishima’s watch. 

“I noticed it was a little warm, but I just figured it was the hot sex.” Kuroo purred, eyes following the blonde when he rose- still totally nude- and padded over towards the bedroom door. Tsukishima didn’t need to look to know Kuroo was waggling his eyebrows stupidly. Adorably. 

“I’m going to throw you out of my fucking apartment.” Tsukishima snapped back, loud enough for Kuroo to hear as he approached the thermostat in the living room and pressed the ‘on’ button. There was a short clicking sound, and then a hum as the fans spun to life and started blowing out warm air. He knew it would take a minute to cool, so in the meanwhile he made his way to the kitchen to retrieve out the pint of strawberry cheesecake ice cream from the freezer that he’d been saving to binge on a bad day. 

This seemed like much more an appropriate occasion to enjoy it. 

“Oh, treats?” Kuroo said, lighting up when Tsukishima came back into the room. He was standing by the bathroom door now, a damp rag in each of his hands. One was busily scrubbing cum off his own abdomen (and oh, what a pretty sight  _ that _ was), and the other was held out to Kei in offering. “You want me to change the sheets first? You look exhausted.”

Kuroo was the perfect man. 

The ice cream and two spoons were set aside while Tsukishima took the rag and wiped it over himself, hissing when the air of the AC unit finally started to blow cold and made him shiver as the water and sweat covering the rest of him chilled against his skin. Kuroo dutifully stripped the bed, tossed the sheets in the laundry basket, and followed Tsukishima’s direction to the blanket closet where his spares were. Both of them pulled on a clean pair of boxers, and promptly arranged themselves against the headboard to share the sugary treat. 

“So…” Kuroo started, dipping his spoon into the ice cream and pulling up a thick glob of strawberry jam and a chunk of cheesecake. He held it in front of Tsukishima’s lips, and the blonde smiled and took the bite into his mouth. “How do we wanna do this, exactly?” 

Tsukishima pursed his lips, looking down and staring into the pint blankly in thought. “Long distance isn’t ideal, but… I’ve waited this long. I-” his lower lip was bitten then, and his brows drew together in concern when he glanced back at Tetsurou. “I want to make this work. If you do.”

“Hey, no, stop.” Kuroo admonished, dropping the spoon into the ice cream and bringing both hands up to cup Tsukishima’s cheeks and hold his gaze. “Baby I’m not going anywhere. I mean, yeah, I have to go back to Tokyo, but like, metaphorically. I don’t think you really get that I love you too, yet. But I’m serious. This wasn’t a spur of the moment kind of thing.”

Some complicated, strong emotion had Tsukishima’s stomach flipping at that. More than love or adoration, not quite as bittersweet as longing. Something like… satisfaction. Completion. 

“You’re real, right?” He found himself blurting out, instead of the gratitude that his mind told him to express. Heat rose to his cheeks in embarrassment when Kuroo just blinked, and then threw his head back to laugh in a way that would be totally annoying coming from anyone else. Maybe it was still a  _ little _ annoying, but only given the circumstances. 

“You tell me.” Kuroo said, tilting his head over to slot their lips together again. 

Tension that Tsukishima hadn’t even realized was set in his shoulders melted away, and he breathed a relaxed sigh against Kuroo’s cheek when a strawberry-flavored tongue snuck out to meet his own. His doubts faded away the longer Kuroo held him into the lingering kiss, tangling their tongues together until the ice cream flavor disappeared almost entirely, and Tsukishima was left feeling floaty and content when they broke apart. 

“Well?” Kuroo prompted, his signature shit-eating grin splitting his cheeks again when he released the blonde and plucked his abandoned spoon back from the container and stabbing it into the ice cream for another bite. 

“Mm. You’ll just have to keep checking occasionally, I guess.” Tsukishima said. His tone was nonchalant, like he hadn’t just very obviously demanded more kisses, but there was a little upward quirk to one side of his lips. 

Despite how exhausted he’d felt after being thoroughly wrecked, Tsukishima had caught a bit of a second wind, and so Kuroo decided to grab the blonde’s laptop off his desktop and put on some American show from Netflix. It seemed boring at first- a blonde woman who… built parks? Or something? There was a guy with a mustache that Tsukishima vaguely recalled from memes Yamaguchi had sent him, and- oh, there was also that deadpan actress that Hinata had compared him to a few times. Tsukishima kind of liked her, but he couldn’t remember her name. Audie? Audrey? Whatever. The show was decent enough, and even managed to get a few snickers out of him at the sheer awkwardness and secondhand embarrassment that just about every character managed to give him. 

Kuroo commented occasionally on it- he’d seen the show before, apparently. Normally someone talking during a show would irritate him, but the quiet rumbles of Tetsurou’s voice were quite pleasant from his position with his head on Kuroo’s chest. Besides, they had subtitles anyway, so it wasn’t like he was missing anything when they made quips about the characters. Kuroo’s arm was wrapped around his middle, thumb stroking idly over the skin of his hip, and Tsukishima pressed himself more firmly against the side of him, just shy of throwing his leg over Tetsurou’s calf. He didn’t want to risk jostling the computer in Kuroo’s lap.

It felt so natural it  _ ached _ . God, he could have had this all along. He was never letting Kuroo go. 

He was nearly asleep against his boyfriend (his fucking  _ boyfriend _ , hell yes), when his phone vibrated loudly from its place in his discarded pants on the bathroom floor. He groaned, and shifted to pull away, but Kuroo’s arm tightened around him and lips pressed down on the top of his head. 

“Just let it go to voicemail?”

“It could be my brother, I… didn’t tell him I’m out of the hospital.”

“Call him tomorrow?”

“Tetsurou.” 

“Fine, fine.” Kuroo sighed, pausing the show and letting Tsukishima up. 

Despite his insistence, Kei didn’t bother to rush to answer the call. He much preferred texts, anyway. But it was still ringing when he bent over to fish it out of his pants, and he frowned when he saw his best friend’s name staring back at him instead of his brother’s, like he thought. 

“Tadashi, it’s almost midnight-”

“HEY DID YOU GET THAT DICK YET?” 

Tsukishima winced at the screech in his ear, and pulled the phone back as he spat back his response. 

“Did you really call me just for that?” 

“Well, no, but like, it’s kind of important, right?” Yamaguchi chuckled, back to normal volume now. 

“Okay, well, first of all,  _ yes _ . Second, I was half asleep and ready to be fully unconscious by now so spit out whatever else you need to say before I hang up.”

“Oof, touchy.” Yamaguchi laughed. Tsukishima rolled his eyes. “Anyway though, really I just wanted to make sure you were still alright. And also because the doctors stopped me on my way out and asked me to pass along that you probably shouldn’t get back to volleyball too soon. They sent you an email, too, but y’know. Nobody checks emails anymore.”

Ugh. He still had to talk to his captain. That… wasn’t going to be a pleasant conversation. It wasn’t that Hayakawa wouldn’t be understanding, but Tsukishima wasn’t fond of the idea of having to air his problems to the other man. He didn’t want to delve too deeply into that thought process at the moment, though, so he ignored it and moved on.

“I do. It’s how I communicate with my professors.” Tsukishima said, bending back over to gather the abandoned clothes left on the bathroom floor. May as well while he was there, right. 

He heard a whistle from the bed, and shot a smirk over his shoulder at Kuroo and wiggled his ass a little. The look in Kuroo’s eyes darkened, and Tsukishima had to hold back a chuckle as he gathered the clothes. 

“Yeah but you’re weird, so-”

“That’s how most professors communicate nowadays, ‘Dashi. Do you really not check your emails? Aren’t computers, like, your thing?” Tsukishima chided, straightening back up and tossing their clothes in the hamper. Kuroo welcomed him back into the bed with open arms and a kiss to his throat. Tsukishima had to shove his face away before he could make any untoward noise into the phone. 

“Yeah they sure are, but social media is way more effective means of communication nowadays, you old man.”

“Yamaguchi.”

“Ouch, back to my surname, huh? Fine, whatever, I’ll let you go. But like, call me tomorrow or something, yeah? Let me know how you’re doing?” Yamaguchi sounded just a touch anxious, like he wasn’t entirely sure Tsukishima would say yes. 

“Okay. I will. Get some sleep.” Tsukishima paused for a second, chewing on his lower lip in thought- and then spoke again before Yamaguchi could. “I’m sorry. For all the trouble. Thanks for… being there for me.” He said, sounding guilty even to himself. 

Kuroo frowned at him, and his arm tightened just a little around his shoulders. The gesture was comforting, and Tsukishima let himself be drawn back against the older man’s chest. 

“Don’t do that, Kei. You’re my best friend and I’ve always got your back. Do me a favor? Put me on speaker.” Yamaguchi instructed, sounding calm to soothe the anxiety rising in his friend. Tsukishima frowned, confused, but did as he was instructed. “Kuroo? Can you hear me?”

“‘Sup, Yama?” Kuroo greeted, also looking visibly confused, but not offput. 

“Just making sure you two are getting along!” Yamaguchi said cheerfully. His voice was tinny and a little staticy from the phone, but they could both still practically hear the smile on his face. “But seriously, um, I just wanted to give you some insider info, as someone who’s known Tsukki like our whole lives.” 

“Where the fuck are you going with this?” Tsukishima huffed, embarrassed and half-tempted to just hang up the phone before the idiot could say something stupid to Kuroo. 

“Tsukki, be quiet or I’m just gonna call Kuroo and talk to him directly.” Tsukishima grit his teeth, and stayed quiet. “Good. So. Nothing big just, like, don’t let him get all hung-up on feeling guilty, okay? I can tell him it’s fine all day long and he’ll still be mopey about it.”

“Yamaguchi-”

“Zip! Just make sure you’re good to him is all I’m saying! Give him lots of cuddles and se-”

“I’m hanging up, Yamaguchi!” Tsukishima snapped, and he heard about a half-second of obnoxious cackling on the speakers before the call was ended and he dropped the phone to the bed sheets. He could feel the heat in his face all the way to his ears as his hands came up to cover his face in shame, a low groan coming out when Kuroo just snickered beside him. 

“I’m sorry, he’s the worst.” Tsukishima grumbled, refusing to lower his hands even when Kuroo tried to pry his wrists away. 

“He’s just looking out for you, babe.” Kuroo chuckled, pulling a little harder until Tsukishima yielded and dropped his hands between them. The nickname sent flutters in the blonde’s stomach, but he didn’t comment on it this time. Just pouted and stared blankly at the laptop still balanced on Kuroo’s lap. “He’s a good friend. I’m happy he’s been there for you when I couldn’t be.”

“You’re being sappy.” Tsukishima said, but didn’t pull away from the kiss that was planted on the top of his head. 

“I’m serious, though.” Kuroo’s voice was softer now, and his right hand moved to take Tsukishima’s left one in his own. “I couldn’t be there for you when you needed me. But he was. I’m grateful to him.”

“It’s not your-”

“I know, I know, we don’t have to talk about it anymore if it makes you uncomfortable. And I know you’re tired. Let’s get some sleep too, hmm?” 

Tsukishima took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a moment, and then breathed out again with a nod. “Okay. Yeah. Thank you.” He said, reaching over to close the laptop and pull it off Kuroo’s lap. He went to get up, but Kuroo stopped him, again. 

“Let me clean up?” The older man offered, trying to slide the computer back away. 

“You look twice as exhausted as I feel. How much sleep have you been getting, anyway?” Tsukishima tugged the laptop back, and swung his legs over the edge of the bed before he could be held back again. 

Kuroo looked a little sheepish when he answered, running a hand through his wild hair and letting out a soft laugh. “Um? Couple hours each night? But I’m kinda used to it, med school is a killer.” 

Tsukishima’s face pulled into a tight, scrutinizing frown, but he was still without glasses, and couldn’t clearly see Kuroo’s eyes to check for bags as he moved to the desk and settled the laptop back onto it. The empty ice cream pint was grabbed next, and Tsukishima left the room to bring it to the kitchen without another word. The spoons dropped in the sink, and the container into the trash- but before he returned to the room he grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge. His throat still felt sore and dry, and with all the sweating they’d done, he figured it was smart to rehydrate. 

“Oh, you’re so good to me.” Kuroo sighed dramatically when Tsukishima returned and offered him the bottle. 

“Drink it slowly.” Tsukishima said, cracking open his own bottle and taking a long sip. Kuroo did the same, and scooted over as the blonde settled back onto the bed beside him. 

“So, anything in particular you wanna do tomorrow? I can at least stick around one more day, I could maybe take you on a proper date?” Kuroo said, slipping his arm back around Tsukishima’s lower back and tugging him in closer. 

He hated the reminder that Kuroo would have to leave. But rather than mope, he decided he’d just make the best of what time he had left with him. 

“I don’t care. Whatever you wanna do, I guess?” He said, shrugging as he capped the bottle and set it on the bedside table. “I don’t usually go out much on my own. Unless you’d want to go to the museum, I don’t have any ideas.”

“Boooring!” Kuroo teased, poking Tsukishima in the side and earning himself a sharp glare. “I mean, yeah I’ll absolutely take you there sometime. But as far as a first date goes? Big thumbs down.”

Tsukishima blinked at him. And then he smiled, and he tangled a hand into Kuroo’s hair and tugged him into a slow, chaste kiss that had him heaving a warm, pleased sigh against the other man’s cheek. 

When he pulled away, Kuroo grinned and smoothed a hand over his thigh, giving it a small squeeze. 

“That wasn’t exactly the response I thought I’d get, but I’ll take it.” He said. He leaned over Tsukishima to set his bottle beside the other, and then shifted further down under the covers and pulled Tsukishima with him. 

“You’re still you. That’s all.” Kei said, reaching over to tug the lamp cord and flick it off before he cuddled in closer, throwing a leg over Kuroo’s hips. He couldn’t see Kuroo’s face in the dark like this, but he was quiet for a minute, seeming to be processing the statement. 

“I mean? Yeah? Who were you expecting?”

“I just mean you’re not… I dunno, putting on a front? Some people… you know, pretend to be different, to make someone like them more when they… Anyway, you’re still just Kuroo. I’m glad.” Tsukishima explained haltingly, relieved that Kuroo couldn’t see how red his face felt just then. It sounded stupid, he knew, but it was true all the same. 

“Mm, yeah, guess you’re right. But you’ve known me long enough, now, right? You’ve seen my ups and downs and decided you loved me anyway. And for the record, that goes both ways.” Kuroo said, sliding a hand around Tsukishima’s side and then down his spine to rest on the small of his back. “Love you. Dinosaur boxers and all.”

“Dinosaurs are cool, shut the fuck up.” 

“Nerdy-shima.”

Kei shoved against Kuroo’s chest, but Kuroo just laughed and hauled him in closer to press another kiss to his lips. 

“I hate you.” Tsukishima muttered when Kuroo pulled away, but he was met with a dismissive hum and a nuzzle against his neck. 

“Sure, sure, now close your eyes and get some sleep. We’ll figure out tomorrow as it comes.” 

Tsukishima made a quiet noise of agreement, and then pulled the cover further up around himself until it was settled around his neck. It was quiet, then, aside from the sound of the rain thrumming against the windows and Kuroo’s soft breathing. It was easy to drift off, then, with arms wrapped securely around him, and the promise of waking up next to the man he loved. 

For the first time in far too long, Tsukishima Kei felt complete.

* * *

It was too warm. 

Tsukishima came to in the morning overly aware of how sweaty he was. A discomforted groan left him as he shoved at the blanket, throwing it off his shoulders and kicking his leg out from under it. Or, he would, if his leg wasn’t pinned down by a weight he was too groggy to immediately identify. 

“What the f-”

“Mm, Tsukki, stop moving…” Tsukishima froze at the low, rumbling voice behind him, and felt arms tighten around his middle and tug him firmly until the skin of his back was snugly spooned up against a warm, broad chest. It took a moment for the panic to subside, when the events of the day prior flooded back into his mind- and when he chanced a look over his shoulder to confirm his memories, he felt himself relax all over at the sight of Kuroo Tetsurou curled possessively around him. 

“Ah- sorry, um, ‘s just hot.” Tsukishima said, keeping his voice down to not disturb the other man too much. 

“I h’ve that effect on people…” Kuroo slurred, pressing his face further against the top of Tsukishima’s spine and tightening his grip around his waist. 

Which then made apparent another problem. 

“Ugh, c’mon, let go, I need to piss.” Tsukishima huffed, pulling at Kuroo’s wrist and trying not to smile at the frustrated whine that his boyfriend let out. This was definitely a part of Kuroo he hadn’t seen, and he couldn’t say he minded it. He was cute like this. 

“I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll be gone for less than two minutes.”

“Still. Y’r warm. Come back soon.” Kuroo murmured, reluctantly dragging his arms away from Tsukishima’s middle until the blonde could slip out of the bed into the relief of the cool room. 

As hot as he’d felt, he still shivered when the sweat clinging to him went cold against his skin, and he hissed when his feet left the safety of the area rug next to his bed and instead met the icy hardwood floors. Ugh. He didn’t want to pull more clothes on just to crawl back into the arms of his human furnace of a lover, but the quick temperature shift had him closing his bathroom door just a little harder than necessary in irritation. 

Once he was done relieving himself, he thoroughly washed his hands, and then splashed a little water on his face to clear away some of the grogginess. For the first time since he’d woken in the hospital room, he found himself confronting his reflection in the mirror. Even though he still couldn’t see clearly at arms length, there was nobody there to judge him for squinting and leaning in to see the damage and- well, it didn’t look  _ awful _ , he supposed, but it had definitely been as bad as it’d felt when he’d first smashed it. 

Now it mostly just looked like he had bags under his eyes. He probably had those too, but it was just blurry enough that he couldn’t tell. 

Standing here now, thinking about what a fucking  _ moron _ he’d been, hit something uncomfortable in the pit of his stomach. All this time.  _ All this time _ he could have just… said something, and he would have had what he wanted. Maybe it had been for the better, with the way his classes had been wearing on him and volleyball left him exhausted most days- the circumstances weren’t exactly  _ ideal _ to maintain a relationship. Especially if they’d had to work around visiting each other in separate cities. 

But Tsukishima was graduating soon. He’d have a job, sure, but it wouldn’t be nearly as demanding as college. Kuroo’s degree would take a bit longer to complete, but then they could-

His forehead thunked against the mirror and he groaned, one hand clutching over his chest as heat flooded his cheeks. Damn him, they’d spent one fucking night together and he was already planning their  _ future together _ . 

“Tsukiiiii!” Came a whine from the other room, jolting him back to the reality that was Kuroo very much present in his apartment, very much in his bed, very much waiting for him to return to that bed and cuddle him. 

So he obliged. Came back and crawled into Kuroo’s arms and was met with a warm and lazy kiss that had him shivering for reasons that had nothing to do with the cold. 

Judging by the hazy, dim lighting filtering in past the blinds on his window, the sun hadn’t made it very far over the horizon yet. Rain still pitter-pattered away outside, though, so he couldn’t be sure. Either way, he didn’t intend to leave the bed until he absolutely had to- and the firm length poking against his thigh when he slipped closer to Kuroo seemed to agree. 

“Mm, you’re cold, baby. Lemme warm you back up?” Tetsurou hummed, trailing slow, hot kisses down his jaw and throat. A hand skimmed down Tsukishima’s thigh, curling firm around his knee and pulling it over Kuroo’s hip. 

Tsukishima could feel his dick firming up in response to the slow, lazy grinding Kuroo subjected him to, and he let himself push back, slotting them together a little better to move against him. The hand that had been holding his knee in place slipped back up his thigh, into his boxers, and then behind him to dip and stroke over his hole. 

“Fuck…” Tsukishima huffed, hips jerking a little harder when Kuroo’s middle finger sunk into him to the first knuckle. He hadn’t properly cleaned up last night, and there was still the remnants of slick lube clinging to his insides. 

“Mm, you up for another round before breakfast?” Kuroo asked, teeth scraping over his collarbone and sending another lick of heat low in Tsukishima’s belly. The finger inside him stroked a little deeper, drawing a low groan from him and making him push back into the pleasant intrusion. 

“Ah… I dunno, you gonna convince me?” Tsukishima said, a challenge in his voice and a smirk on his face. The teeth in his skin bit down a little harder, and the finger shoved in harder and crooked upward and Tsukishima saw  _ stars _ . 

“How’s that for convincing?” Kuroo purred, rubbing over Kei’s prostate teasingly. He shifted slowly then, rolling atop the blonde and sucking and biting bruises down his body. Tsukishima’s boxers were pulled off with and tossed aside with little ceremony, and then he was wriggling his finger right back into him and pressing at his prostate insistently again. 

“K-keep that up and I’m- fuck!- gonna come before you can- ah!” Tsukishima was cut off when teeth sank  _ hard _ into his inner thigh. He’d already known that he liked a little pain, but that particular spot sent shocks dancing up and down his body, and precome beaded up thick and heavy at the slit of his twitching cock when Kuroo gave his other thigh the same treatment. “Tetsu- God, stop!” He keened, reaching down to shove at the mess of black locks on the head between his thighs. 

“You make real pretty noises when I do it, though.” Kuroo breathed, lifting his eyes to meet Tsukishima’s with a look that could only be described as  _ hungry _ . He kept their gazes locked as his tongue darted out and dragged against the spot he’d bitten. 

Fuck. 

_ He was so fucking hot _ .

“Let me make you come?” Kuroo said, mercifully withdrawing his finger and then shoving back in two- to torture him, apparently. There was just little enough lube for Tsukishima to  _ really _ feel it, but not little enough for it to hurt. It was just intense, which was apparently Kuroo’s goal, if the way he immediately began rubbing at his prostate again was any indication. 

“What-  _ ah _ \- what about you?” Tsukishima huffed, legs jerking at every particularly hard press of the fingers inside him. He wasn’t gonna last. His head tossed back and to the side, hands clawing at the sheets to keep him from simply floating away from his body. Kuroo was utterly and thoroughly breaking him apart. 

_ This should be illegal _ . 

“Baby, I get to watch you falling apart for me. You’re basically live porn. I’ll manage just fine.” Kuroo purred, and before Tsukishima could snipe back he licked a broad stripe up the pulsing vein on the underside of Tsukishima’s cock and caught the pearl of precome on his tongue. Just as his fingertips dug near  _ violently _ at his prostate. 

The noise Kei made at that would be  _ avidly _ denied later. He wasn’t lucky enough for Kuroo to let him live it down in the moment, though. 

“Ohhh, yeah, that’s a  _ really _ nice sound, gimme more of that.” Kuroo said, a little breathless. His fingertips eased up a little on their pleasant torture; Tsukishima was simultenously relieved and disappointed at the loss of pressure. “Can you do me a favor and hand me the lube? Don’t think I can go much further without it.”

Tsukishima nodded jerkily, panting hard and pushing himself up on his shoulders to lean over and retrieve the bottle of lube from the drawer. When he offered it to Kuroo, his wrist was grabbed and he was tugged a little further upright- just as Kuroo straightened up and caught his lips in a bruising kiss. Their tongues tangled a little awkwardly; Tsukishima was far too overwhelmed with his onslaught to properly respond to the way Kuroo licked into his mouth and stole his breath away with lazy slides against his tongue. 

The bottle was plucked out of his hand as he was distracted, and the fingers inside him mercifully withdrew at the same time he heard the cap pop open. When the fingers returned to him, they were a little colder- but Kuroo tugged a little at his rim and he didn’t care anymore. 

“Stop teasing me.” Tsukishima growled. He wanted to grab his hair and shove his face back down. Or flip him over and ride him until he was a mess. But much as he was loathe to admit it, what Kuroo had been doing… that had been far too nice to stop doing now. 

“I like you bossy, too.” Kuroo said. He relented, then, and pushed three slick fingers back into Tsukishima. They made little effort to stretch him though, just fucked into him slowly and rubbing his sweet spot every time they drew back. His free hand pushed at Tsukishima’s chest, easing him back down and then moving to trace an invisible line between the hickeys blooming along his body. 

He looked smug, again, and if Tsukishima wasn’t so wrapped up in  _ losing his goddamn mind  _ in pleasure, he might have the sense to be irritated about it. He definitely couldn’t be mad when a second later Kuroo was circling the head of his cock with his tongue and then sucking it down like a  _ champ _ . His arm laid across Tsukishima’s hips to hold him down when he tried to buck up- not that it stopped Tsukishima from trying. 

“Asshole,  _ haah _ , a little warning might have been nice.” Tsukishima moaned, burying a hand in Tetsurou’s hair and urging him to go just a  _ little _ faster. Kuroo hummed around him and obliged, doing absolutely  _ filthy _ things with his tongue as he bobbed and sucked and made obnoxious wet sounds that just made Tsukishima spill more precome into Kuroo’s eager mouth. 

He can feel his orgasm building faster and faster as Kuroo’s fingers pump into him, fucking him at a ruthless pace and bobbing his head in time with it. The arm across his hips disappeared at some point, and when he dared to look down he caught sight of that same arm curled under Kuroo’s body and moving in a  _ very _ telling way. 

Tetsurou really was getting off just fingering Tsukishima open and sucking him off. This was definitely a wet dream Kei had had at some point. 

“Tetsurou, please, fuck, I’m so close,  _ please _ -” Tsukishima whined. He could feel his balls drawing up, ready to spill, and tugged at Kuroo’s hair to pull him off so he wouldn’t-

Only Kuroo shoved himself further down right then, and took Tsukishima’s cock into his throat and  _ swallowed _ and rubbed over his prostate just right and Tsukishima felt like he’d been cracked over the head by a  _ baseball bat  _ with how hard he came. And Kuroo didn’t stop, swallowing down everything he could and massaging his sweet spot until he was desperately yanking at dark hair to make it  _ stop _ . 

A filthy wet sound came with Kuroo’s lips pulling off his overstimulated cock, and then another when the slick fingers withdrew from the still-pulsing clench of his ass. Soft kisses were laid on his hip bone before Kuroo crawled back up his body, looking for all the world like the cat who got the cream. Which… wasn’t exactly an inaccurate description. 

“Damn, moonshine, I’m gonna take a fucking picture next time, because that was  _ hot _ .” Kuroo chuckled, folding his hands over Tsukishima’s chest and then resting his head atop them to gaze up at the blonde. He was grinning again, but his eyes were glazed over and he was breathing harder. And, Tsukishima noted, Kuroo’s dick was wet where it rested against his thigh. He wasn’t even sure when Tetsurou’s boxers had disappeared.

Tsukishima could practically  _ feel _ his own ego growing. 

“Don’t you dare.” He warned- but any bit in his voice had its edge taken away by how his fingers carded carefully through Kuroo’s hair in a pointless attempt to tame it somewhat. 

“I’m gonna. And I’ll make it my wallpaper too, and I’ll look at it every time I miss you and I’m thinking about your sweet ass and-”

“Oh my God,  _ stop _ , for fuck sake.” Tsukishima cut him off with a hand over his mouth. Then he gasped when a wet tongue wormed its way between his fingers and he jerked it back in disgust. “Are you five?!”

“Man, ain’t that the dream. Wouldn’t have to deal with college or bills anymore.” Kuroo sighed wistfully, fingers drumming thoughtfully against Tsukishima’s chest. “But being grown up has its perks too. I get to drink alcohol, and see R-rated movies, and there’s this certain blonde asshole I get to stick my dick into.” 

“You really have a foul mouth. I should make you wash it out with soap.” 

“Ooh, is that a threat, Daddy?” 

Well. Tsukishima wasn’t sure how he felt about that title himself, but maybe it was a bit of a Freudian slip. Maybe it was Kuroo’s thing. He’d have to test it out next time. 

“Can you please get off me so we can take a shower? I can feel your cum drying on my leg and it’s gross.” Tsukishima huffed, nudging Kuroo with his knee and earning himself a laugh and the older man rolling off him. 

“Go ahead and start without me, I’ll clean up the bed. I’m kinda the one who made a mess this time.” Kuroo said, sitting up carefully so as to avoid the wet spot. Tsukishima smiled, just a little, and sat up beside him. Another kiss was shared between them, and then Tsukishima stood and made his way back to the bathroom. 

He didn’t bother closing the door behind him, but he did turn to look back at Kuroo sitting still at the edge of the bed with his eyes closed and a barely-there smile on his lips. He looked serene in the dim blue light of the rainy morning, and Tsukishima’s chest tightened pleasantly at the thought that  _ he _ was the reason for that smile. 

He could certainly get used to this feeling. 

And he intended to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This fic keeps writing itself OTL)  
> They were only supposed to fuck once and I got carried away so more for y'all I guess! If all goes as planned this will only have one chapter left and also SORRY THIS CHAPTER WAS SO LONG but like. I gave you 2 whole fucc. TWO! So I feel entitled to some forgiveness. 
> 
> Also if you guys are interested some of the music that helped me write this chapter at max horny levels:  
> Touch & Sketch - LEO  
> The Eve - EXO  
> LOVE U - MonstaX  
> My Valentine - VIXX
> 
> Comments keep my skin clear and my crops watered, so if you liked it, lmk!


	7. You Belong To Me (I Belong To You)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo has to go back eventually. But it doesn't have to be a bitter thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay okay I'm sorry this took so long but I just. I didn't want to end this journey yet but it's just time ;A; I'm bad enough at ending things as it is (as u can tell by how long this chapter is) but I hope you guys are satisfied with it anyway <3 Thanks for sticking with me and encouraging me along the way!

‘Date’ was a very loose definition of what they ended up doing that day. Kuroo decided he wanted to cook breakfast- until they got to Tsukishima’s fridge and found just about everything expired and rotten. There was a short argument over whether they should just give up and go out to eat, but Kuroo was insistent that they fill up Tsukishima’s fridge before the stubborn ass just gave up and started wasting money eating out all the time. 

The argument just ended up with them snarking at each other, challenging and poking much in the way they always had- and it was so comfortable and familiar and a little  _ hot _ that Kuroo ended up shoving Tsukishima against the fridge and kissing his breath away. 

So the grocery store was paid a visit. Between them, they spent nearly nine thousand yen, and regretted it when they hadn’t had the forethought to clean out the fridge  _ before _ they went shopping. The smell from the turned vegetables burned Kuroo’s nostrils while they tossed it all into the compost, and then Kuroo sprayed down the shelves with cleaner and wiped them down to get rid of the lingering smell while Tsukishima searched for a candle to mask the smell in the meantime. 

By the time Kuroo actually managed to  _ make a meal _ , it was already almost lunch and they were  _ starving _ . So much so that the amount Kuroo cooked ended up… not being enough. 

Not wanting to spend more money than necessary, Tsukishima ended up taking them both out in his car to get cheap fast food and coffee from Starbucks. It was a little out of the way, but Kuroo relished the chance to catch back up with Tsukishima while he drove. The rain had lessened to a light shower, but all the other drivers around them remained cautious, slowing their progress all the further. 

Kuroo didn’t mind, though, because that gave him a bit longer to rest his hand on Tsukishima’s thigh and admire the pretty crimson that flushed high on his cheeks. 

“What time do you have to leave tomorrow?” Tsukishima’s voice was small and upset where it came up from Kuroo’s shoulder as they sat together in the parking lot, munching away on their almost-lunch. 

Kuroo hated thinking about it, wishing that Tsukishima had come out of his coma just a  _ little _ sooner; that they’d gotten to spend more real time together than a day and a half. They probably wouldn’t be able to see each other again like this until summer. Although he fully intended to make day trips when literally any opportunity presented itself. 

“My boss put me back on the schedule starting tomorrow afternoon.” Kuroo lamented. His sandwich was stuffed into his mouth as his head tilted over to lean against Tsukishima’s, and the blonde made a disgusted noise when a piece of chicken fell out of the bread and landed on his shoulder. Kuroo just laughed, plucked up the offending piece of food, and popped it in his mouth despite Tsukishima’s insistence that he  _ shouldn’t oh my God Kuroo the five second rule isn’t real _ .

“Anyways,” Kuroo laughed, eyes glued on the ever-changing pattern of raindrops on Tsukishima’s windshield, “I should catch the train at noon. Really need to catch up on whatever assignments and lectures I missed, and I could probably squeeze in a cram session before my shift. Have another class day after tomorrow that I can’t miss.” 

Tsukishima was quiet beside him, but his hand crossed over the console and clasped around Kuroo’s. The older man, for once, decided not to ruin the moment with his big fat mouth and just ate his sandwich in silence. Once he was done, the paper food wrapper was loosely crumpled in his free hand and tossed in the Starbucks bag with Tsukishima’s neatly folded one. 

Tsukishima made no attempt to move- either away from Kuroo’s shoulder or away from the parking lot. Kuroo didn’t mind the moment of intimacy, so he said nothing and just laced their fingers together properly. His thumb stroked over the blonde’s slowly, and he found himself relaxing into a pleasant haze to the sound of the car’s AC and the patter of rain around them. 

He wasn’t able to really think about it before- in the thick of their emotions taking over and overpowering their higher brain functions- but this close, Kuroo found himself taking note of how nice Kei smelled. It was probably just his shampoo, but the nice floral scent wafting up at him brought butterflies to his stomach, and he angled his head just a little to bury his nose closer to the blonde hair at the source. 

“We should play volleyball sometime.” Tsukishima said suddenly, snapping Kuroo out of his reverie mid-sniff. 

He just hoped Tsukishima didn’t actually notice. 

“Uh- yeah, I’m probably rusty, though. I could probably convince Kenma to come along. He could probably convince Hinata to come, too. Oh! And we’ve gotta invite Bo, I hardly see him anymore since he became a big shot pro.” Kuroo said, suddenly excited at the prospect. Med school and working didn’t really leave time for volleyball, but he still loved the sport. 

Plus, the idea of seeing Tsukishima in shorts again with his new muscle mass? Hell yeah. He was still thin, but he was no longer the beanpole he’d been in high school. He’d already gotten a  _ very _ good look at his toned thighs over the last twelve hours, but there was still definitely something alluring about the idea of seeing Tsukishima in sports gear again. Maybe they could make his highschool fantasy of fucking in the locker room come true. 

Shit, that was a bad line of thought to follow at the moment. 

“Yamaguchi mentioned wanting to play again, too. Might be hard to line up everyone’s schedules, though.” Tsukishima said. Ever the voice of reason. 

Kuroo pouted at his shattered fantasy, but it would still be plenty fun just playing against Tsukishima. He might even lose this time, given Tsukishima’s keeping up with the sport and Kuroo’s… not so much keeping up. Would probably be a sort of closure for Kei, since Karasuno never managed to beat Nekoma while they were both in school. 

He couldn’t help but feel like it was another Battle of the Garbage Dump, and the idea made him grin to himself. 

“I’m down for whatever. Can I come to your games sometime, too? If I can make it?” He asked, giving Tsukishima’s hand a hopeful little squeeze. 

“I can’t stop you.” 

“Why would you want to?”

“You might distract me.” Tsukishima said, pulling back from Kuroo’s shoulder to meet his eyes and smirk suggestively at him. 

And oh, even with the lingering bruises ghosted under his eyes and on his cheekbones, Tsukishima was fucking  _ hot _ . He was wearing his backup glasses now- he couldn’t very well drive without being able to  _ see _ \- and he looked so much like his old, smug highschool self that it nearly gave Kuroo whiplash for a moment. He definitely felt a different kind of whipped, all the same. 

“You can’t just say things like that.” Kuroo almost didn’t recognize his own voice, as strangled as it was. 

Tsukishima just laughed, straightened back up in the driver’s seat, and reluctantly pulled his hand back to take the wheel again. 

Being that they were already out, they ended up going to an arcade- where Kuroo thoroughly kicked Tsukishima’s ass at skeeball. In return, Tsukishima took the lead at some basketball game and won twice the amount of tickets as Kuroo had. Their usual bickering came easily throughout the few hours they spent there, and by the time they left (with Tsukishima toting along a giant T-Rex plush that they’d combined their tickets to exchange for), both of them were laughing at each other and bumping shoulders as they ran back to the car through the rain. 

It wasn’t much, but it was the best day he’d had in what felt like forever. 

When they got back to the apartment, they settled into the couch with a can of beer each- courtesy of Kuroo when they’d gone for groceries. The same show from the night before- Parks and Rec, Tsukishima learned- played on the TV as they drank and took turns roasting the characters and each other. 

“-I’m just saying, all you’d have to do is put on a wig and you would instantly become April, moonshine.” Kuroo joked, cracking a wide smile when in the very next scene, the camera zoomed in on her deadpan, slightly pissed-off face. “See that?! How is that not you?”

“I don’t look like that. And what’s this ‘moonshine’ nickname about? You know the moon reflects, right? It doesn’t shine.” Tsukishima said, frowning at Kuroo and lifting a delicate brow. 

Kuroo howled in laughter. 

“Oh my God! That’s the face literally  _ right there _ , babe! Wait, hold on, let me take a picture-” 

“Do not-”

“Too late!” Kuroo laughed, whipping his phone out of his pocket and aiming the camera at his face. 

“Tetsurou, no!” Tsukishima snapped, unoccupied hand flying up to try and obscure the lens- or take the phone, maybe. Kuroo didn’t let him. 

“Tetsurou, yes!” Kuroo cackled, jumping off the couch before Tsukishima could reach him and tapping away at the phone to take as many pictures as he could. Tsukishima’s beer was quickly placed on the coffee table before he was up too, a little less steady on his feet as he had been two beers ago. 

“I swear if you post any of these I’ll-” Tsukishima swiped at him again, and the look in his eyes would have been intimidating if not for the upward turn at the corner of his lips as he stalked Kuroo around the couch in an attempt to snatch the phone. 

“Oh, I’m posting aaall of ‘em so everyone can see how cute my boyfriend is when he’s mad!” Kuroo teased, not actually taking pictures anymore- just enjoying the chase. 

Until Tsukishima froze, with a glare pinning Kuroo still, too. 

“Say that again.” Kei said, slow and a little dangerous. Hot. 

“I got a cute boyfriend, I wanna show him off. You got a problem with that?” Kuroo purred, smiling in a way he hoped came of as seductive and striding closer until they were face-to-face, posturing for a challenge. He kind of liked having to look up at Tsukishima- liked that his partner was a gorgeous tree for him to climb. Not that their height difference was  _ that _ extreme, but still. It was just a little thrilling. 

“It’s rude to piss off your boyfriend, though, isn’t it? You should apologize.” Tsukishima said, stepping even closer. Looking like he wanted Kuroo to back down. 

So instead, Kuroo lifted his phone- right in Tsukishima’s face- and snapped a picture. 

“Oh, fuck you.” Tsukishima growled, snatching up the phone and holding it at arm’s length over his head. 

“Hey, no fair!” Kuroo whined, reaching up to steal it back- but Tsukishima just turned his body away to keep it from him and grinned victoriously. Smug.  _ Hot _ .

“Payback’s a bitch.” Tsukishima purred, angling this way and that as Kuroo kept trying to jump and grab the device. Of course, it ended a little unexpectedly when Kuroo slammed into him a  _ little _ too hard, and Tsukishima lost his footing and tipped dangerously against the back of the couch and- 

“Oh shit-” Kuroo couldn’t stop them from falling, not when Tsukishima’s hands automatically grabbed at his shirt to stop himself from going over and just ended up pulling Tetsurou on top of him. His own hands shot out a little too slowly to catch himself, and all of his breath was knocked out of him when their chests slammed together from the fall. Tsukishima didn’t look like he was in much better shape, hissing from the impact of Kuroo’s knee jamming into his thigh. They took a moment to just groan and commiserate together- Kuroo trying to catch his breath and reposition above the blonde, and Tsukishima fixing his glasses and rubbing his thigh. 

“Did you  _ have _ to do that? Like I’m not banged up enough already.” Tsukishima’s voice was huffy, but he reached up to gently rub Kuroo’s back to soothe him all the same. Kuroo just wheezed, arms trembling a little from the strain of holding himself up and messy hair concealing his face where his head hung down. “Tetsurou? Are you okay?”

Kuroo couldn’t hold back his snicker, even as breathless as he was, and he laughed even harder when Tsukishima growled and cuffed him over the head. “Sorry, sorry! But c’mon, it’s funny!”

“You’ve got a weird sense of humor. Get off me, please.” Tsukishima said with a nudge to Kuroo’s shoulder. So instead, Kuroo lowered himself down further and laid himself across his boyfriend. “Hey, I said-”

“I heard you. But then I thought I should kiss you, so can I do that instead?” Kuroo said, still giggling a little as he looked up at Tsukishima. He didn’t go for his usual shit-eating grin, but something more casual and soft stretched across his lips. Tsukishima really was beautiful, even when his face was pinched in irritation and mild disdain. 

“You did this on purpose, didn’t you?” Kei said, eyes narrowed suspiciously and his right hand moving to grab Kuroo’s chin and subject him to a scrutinizing glare. Kuroo’s hands went up- as much as they could in his position, anyway- as if he were surrendering, showing his innocence. 

“You’re the one who wouldn’t hand back my phone. Had to get it somehow, right?”

“A likely story.” Tsukishima’s eyes narrowed further.

“That phrase makes no sense to me. A ‘likely’ story means that it’s probably the truth, right? So then why-”

Tsukishima pulled him into a kiss before he could finish his thought. Not that he was complaining. Kissing Kei was like that first sip of cold water after the end of a rigorous workout- refreshing, sweet, relaxing. He could feel his anxieties slip away when a hand curled into his hair, tugging his head slightly to kiss him a little deeper. Tsukishima’s other hand slipped up under Kuroo’s shirt and pressed firmly against his abdomen, just…  _ feeling _ him. He probably didn’t intend for it to make Kuroo’s pants a little tighter, but, well, he didn’t mind so much anyway. 

Until, that is, Tsukishima’s fingers brushed lightly against his side, and he jerked back with an embarrassing noise he couldn’t have hoped to cover up. 

And the wicked smirk that came up at him had the blood draining from his face. 

“No.” He said.

“Yes.” Tsukishima replied, and Kuroo just couldn’t move fast enough; Tsukishima bolted up and slipped both hands up the older man’s side, lightly enough that it had Kuroo yelping and snorting as he tried to get away. Wrestling him off didn’t work, either, considering how evenly matched they were, and no matter how he pulled Tsukishima’s arms held mostly in place and attacked Kuroo every time his fingers brushed close enough. 

“Fu- hAH- Ts-TsukkIII stop, pffft, stOP-” Kuroo squealed, laughing so hard he could feel his eyes welling up with tears. He tried to shimmy backwards, but Tsukishima’s knees swiftly rose up behind him to block his path. 

“Apologize.” Tsukishima demanded, grinning and holding back giggles of his own. 

If Kuroo could  _ concentrate _ , he might be able to appreciate how cute Kei looked. Instead he was making inhuman noises and writhing to get away. 

“OKAY, okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I love you please forgive me!” Kuroo laughed, probably loud enough to disturb the neighbors. Tsukishima’s fingers stilled, though, and settled down on Kuroo’s thighs to tug him closer again. 

“You’re forgiven.” Tsukishima said, still smiling when he leaned in and pecked Kuroo lightly on the lips. “For now. Want you to make it up to me, though.”

“Oh, moonshine, you’re insatiable.” Kuroo huffed, but rolled his hips down against Tsukishima all the same. And oh, the way those pretty lashes fluttered half-closed over amber eyes had Kuroo’s heart squeezing and heat rising to his cheeks. 

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Tetsurou. I was going to tell you to make me tea.” Tsukishima said, in a tone that meant he had very much wanted to fuck until he was called out. Too easy to read, really. 

“But baby, we haven’t fucked on the couch yet.” Kuroo’s hands made themselves busy plucking open the buttons on Tsukishima’s button down slowly, and found no resistance from the blonde. “Besides, leather’s easier to clean up, right?”

Tsukishima shivered beneath him and let out a shaky breath, sliding his palms down and around Kuroo’s thighs to grab at his ass and tug their hips together more firmly. 

Kuroo regretted his choice to wear skinny jeans. 

“You might be right. Besides, I should take my fill of you while I still can.” Kei said, face looking thoughtful and… a little sad. Ugh, Kuroo hated being the cause of that. “And since I can’t go to practice the next few days, I… don’t really have much need to walk for a while, do I?” 

Kuroo’s blood rushed south so fast he felt lightheaded for a moment. 

“Yeah… yeah, I guess you’re right, huh? How ‘bout I make it so you can feel me for a few days, hmm?”

“You sound like a cheap porno.”

“Is it working?”

“Maybe.” Tsukishima was smirking again, hands moving up to push Kuroo’s jacket off his shoulders. Kuroo took the initiative there and shrugged it all the way off, then grabbed the bottom hem of his shirt to yank it off over his head. Both were thrown over the back of the couch, and then they were on each other again, kissing hard enough to bruise and teeth clicking together a little painfully. 

Not that Kuroo gave a single flying fuck. 

“I’m gonna get the lube.” Kuroo growled against Tsukishima’s lips, rutting down against him in a slow roll that had the blonde’s eyes falling shut. “Want you to undress and bend over for me, okay? Can you do that moonshine?” His hand cupped Kei’s cheek and his thumb stroked slowly over his cheekbone, coaxing him to open his eyes again. 

Tsukishima did, and his pupils were blown wide in arousal and  _ oh _ , Kuroo was so fucking gone for this man. 

“Go. Now.” Kei breathed, his hands moving to finish unbuttoning his own shirt before Kuroo could even get off him. 

Tempted as he was to enjoy the show, Kuroo really wanted to bury himself inside Tsukishima again- so he was on his feet and swiftly moving to the bedroom just as the shirt was slipped off. 

He tried not to go  _ too  _ fast- Tsukishima needed time to undress, after all. Plus, the begging and desperate Kei that he got when the younger man was teased a little was too tempting to resist. Maybe he should dally a little longer on purpose? Draw it out until he was demanded back by a flushed and needy Tsukishima…

Ah, yeah, his dick agreed with that idea. 

The lube was on top of the bedside table this time, right where he’d left it when he’d cleaned up the bed that morning. He ignored it, slowly seating himself on the edge of the bed and relaxing against it. His jeans felt too tight- strangling his dick and all too ready for relief. But it was only fair to wait a little longer, too, if he was going to torture Tsukishima. 

He counted in his head, and grinned when he could feel restless shifting from the other room when he reached the minute mark. Thirty seconds later, an aggravated sigh. And then-

“If you aren’t back in ten seconds to fuck me, you will be sleeping on this couch tonight.”

Well, that was definitely  _ not _ happening if Kuroo had anything to say about it. 

The lube was swiped off the nightstand when he rocked back to his feet off the bed and sauntered casually back out of the room. The back of the couch was facing the bedroom door, so he couldn’t see his lover immediately, but when he made it around and caught sight of Tsukishima, his balls pulsed and  _ ached _ as the front of his boxers grew a little wet against the head of his cock. 

There Kei was, like a living wet dream: totally nude and bent over the couch cushions, hips pushed out and ass raised expectantly and red  _ all over _ . His face was buried in his crossed arms against the cushions, but there was even a blush at the tips of his ears and, oh, he was fucking  _ precious _ . His hips were pulled back just enough that Kuroo could see his dick hanging between his legs, as apparently Tsukishima was opting to wait for him rather than just rub off on the couch. 

Kuroo hadn’t actually expected him to take orders so easily, but this could absolutely be worked with. 

“Good boy.” He cooed, testing his limits just a little as he made his way behind Tsukishima and just stood there, feet bracketing Tsukishima’s legs in and staring down at the attractive muscles of his back. Muscles that tensed, and then rippled in a shudder at the praise.  _ Fuck _ \- 

“Tetsurou, hurry up- shit!” Tsukishima gasped and jolted forward when Kuroo dropped to a squat behind him and swatted his ass firmly. “What the fuck was- ow,  _ Tetsurou _ -” The blonde’s voice shifted up an octave higher at the second swat, and his fingers curled into tight fists against the leather of the couch. 

“It’s rude to speak out of turn, baby.” Kuroo said, voice a little deeper and breathless as he watched red marks grow on Tsukishima’s cheeks in the shape of his hands. They’d definitely have to explore this in more detail later, but for now Kuroo wanted nothing more than to fuck Tsukishima senseless. 

“Yes,  _ Daddy _ .” 

Kuroo’s mind short-circuited. Every muscle in his body froze and his cock throbbed so hard he wondered, distantly, if he’d just come from that alone. He’d joked around a few times, but this was…

_ Hot _ .

His senses came back to him when Tsukishima turned his head back to look at him over his shoulder, and his mouth was still hidden in his arm but Kuroo could see the smirk  _ in his eyes.  _

“What’s wrong? Did I strike a nerve?” 

“Say it again.” Kuroo absolutely did not recognize his own voice. 

Tsukishima huffed a laugh, let his hips sway enticingly from side to side, and then locked his gaze on Kuroo’s. “Make me feel it,  _ Daddy _ .”

Kuroo shifted from his squat to his knees so fast it  _ hurt _ , draping himself over Tsukishima’s back and biting the top of his spine as his hands wrestled with the button and fly on his own jeans. There was no need to pull them off all the way, just far enough down for him to hook the band of his boxers under his balls so he could rub himself up between Tsukishima’s cheeks. 

“ _ Very _ good boy.” He huffed, grasping blindly for the bottle of lube he’d dropped and immediately popping it open to drizzle the slick over his fingers. “You want Daddy’s cock, baby? Gonna beg for it all pretty like you do? Maybe I should make you suck me off first, hmm? Put that sassy little mouth to good use for once.” He wasn’t even sure where it was coming from, but Tsukishima was making cute little sounds of embarrassment and arousal beneath him, and it was just too delicious for him to even  _ think  _ of stopping. “You gotta say what you want, moonshine. Tell Daddy what you want.”

“Fuck, Tetsurou,  _ please _ just fuck me!” Kei breathed, shoving his head even further into his arms and muffling himself too much for Kuroo’s liking. The blonde hair felt like silk when his dry fist curled into it and yanked backwards, pulling a sharp gasp from Tsukishima as his head was wrenched back and his pretty noises came out louder and  _ needier _ . 

“Wanna hear you, gorgeous. Don’t hold back.” Kuroo growled, sinking his teeth into the firm muscle of Tsukishima’s trapezius and relishing in the bitten-off moan it earned him. He couldn’t wait much longer anymore, so his slick fingers replaced his rutting cock between the blonde’s cheeks to rub over the soft rim of his hole. Tsukishima breathed in sharply when he plunged two fingers in, and Kuroo felt heat coil low in his gut at just how  _ easy _ it was- how loose and warm and  _ open _ Kei was for him already. 

“Don’t- ah- don’t waste too much time, I- mmn, I don’t mind it rough…” Tsukishima said, fingers flexing almost anxiously against the couch. His insides clenched, too, and Kuroo bit back a swear. 

“Tell me if it gets too much? Or tap me, or something.” Kuroo said, voice a little softer now. If they were really going to do this, he wanted to be sure Tsukishima felt comfortable with it. He could never hurt Kei. He let his fingers still their searching, and the hand curled into blonde hair relaxed and scratched lightly over Tsukishima’s scalp in a way that he hoped was soothing. 

“Yeah… I will, promise.” Tsukishima turned to look at him, then, with eyes hooded and  _ burning _ , “But I can take it.”

Kuroo groaned, low in his throat, and surged forward to give him another searing hot kiss. The angle was a little awkward, and he was sure Tsukishima’s neck was straining from it, but fingers slid into his hair and held him close all the same. It was also probably a good enough distraction for him to start fucking his own fingers back into the blonde- stretching and pulling and testing the limits of the velvety soft muscle. Tsukishima gasped sharply at the movement, and Kuroo took the opportunity to slip his tongue into the other man’s mouth and swallowed the sound. 

Tsukishima broke away from the kiss with a wet smacking noise and buried his face back into the cushion when Kuroo’s fingers found his prostate again. A full body shiver wracked through him, along with a low groan and his hips jerking forward, and then back- like he was confused whether or not he wanted more. 

Kuroo could only bite his lip and stroke over the fun little bundle of nerves again. Tsukishima whined and pressed back and-  _ oh _ he just had the sweetest reactions. Kuroo was tempted to torture him again, but the throbbing of his dick won over that urge. A small part of him said he should loosen Tsukishima up just a little more, but he was already nice and loose and relaxed and was  _ literally  _ asking for it, so…

His fingers slipped out slowly, and he pulled away from Tsukishima just long enough to squirt more lube over his hand and smear it liberally over his cock. Then he was draping himself back over the blonde, and lining himself up with one hand while the other held Tsukishima’s hip in a bruising grasp. Both of them moaned when he pushed past the rim- just that  _ little _ bit tighter than he had been the night before. Kuroo felt dizzy with it; intoxicated at how Tsukishima just took a deep breath and sighed shakily and relaxed around him as much as he could. 

So,  _ so _ good for him. 

“Fuck, baby, you’re so tight... “ Kuroo regretted not trying this position sooner. Getting to watch his cock disappear into Tsukishima made him feel like he was  _ drunk _ off him. Or maybe it was the beers. Most likely both. 

He paused when his hips met Tsukishima’s ass, watching every little twitch and shuddering breath and absolutely  _ delighting _ in the bright red shade dusting the tops of his lover’s shoulders. In the many, many times he’d imagined sleeping with Kei, he’d never pictured him being quite so responsive and- really, the Tsukishima in his head could have  _ never _ lived up to the beautiful creature currently writhing beneath him. 

“Tetsurou… Daddy… please…” Tsukishima begged. He pushed back against Kuroo in short, hesitant little grinds that had his blood  _ boiling _ . 

“Okay, baby, okay.” He breathed, drawing back until just the head of his cock was tugging against the tight rim- and then he slammed back in so hard that Kei  _ shouted _ as his hands flew out to grip the back of the couch. Yeah, that was a sound he wanted to hear again. His hands tightened on Tsukishima’s hips, and when he drew back and thrust in again, he used his grip to pull the younger man into it harder. Tsukishima cried out again, something that vaguely sounded like ‘yes more please’. Kuroo grinned wickedly and set a steady pace of long, dragging strokes out and fast slams in that had Tsukishima fucking himself back against him and spilling out all these little noises with every slap of their hips. 

“Feels good, Kei… fuck, like… like you were made to- ah, take my cock, huh? So tight, baby, you’re  _ so  _ good for me.” Muscles fluttered sweetly around him as he spoke, urging his hips a little faster and then squeezing  _ hard _ when the head of his dick finally rubbed up against Tsukishima’s prostate. Any actual response Tsukishima may have had to him was melted away into a high keen as the blonde arched his back and spread his legs apart wider to give Kuroo better access. 

One of Tsukishima’s hands released the back of the couch and slipped down beneath himself, but Kuroo clucked his tongue and snatched his wrist before he could reach his erection. 

“No, no, moonshine, you’re gonna come on my cock or not at all.” Tetsurou growled. He half expected Tsukishima to tap out- drop this… was it technically a scene? Whatever it was, this was probably the moment that would decide how this would end. 

And…. Tsukishima went lax beneath him, nodding his head against the couch and moving his hand back to the top of the couch with a quiet, “Yes, Daddy.”

Fuck. Kuroo was so fucking whipped for this man. 

“Oh, I fucking love you.” Kuroo groaned, bottoming out again and stopping despite Tsukishima’s frustrated huff. “Shh, hold on, baby, c’mon…” he soothed, pressing soft kisses across the blonde’s nape before sitting back and guiding Tsukishima into his lap. He felt himself sink just a little deeper in this new position, and he had the added luxury of Kei’s head leaning back against his shoulder and letting his moans spill out next to Kuroo’s ear. 

Perfect. 

His hips started up again, fucking into Tsukishima and his hands guiding the younger man to bounce atop him- a task that Kei eagerly and  _ enthusiastically _ took to. Kuroo hardly even had to move after that, not when Tsukishima was riding him like a goddamn champ. His hands drifted up from those slim hips, then, sliding up Tsukishima’s chest and tugging at his stiff nipples. Tsukishima’s pace stuttered a bit, and he slurred out something that sounded like a curse. When Kuroo looked down over Kei’s shoulder, he caught sight of the angry, ruddy-red tip of Tsukishima’s cock drooling out a steady trail of precome. Seeing his boyfriend so worked up from a little dirty talk and being fucked from behind was an ego boost Kuroo probably didn’t need. 

It did make him slam up a little harder into Tsukishima, though. He could feel the heat in his gut growing faster as jolts of pleasure lanced down his spine and spread out down his limbs like aftershocks. Everything was getting hazy- need burned away the rest of the world except for the two of them and where he was buried inside Tsukishima’s velvety soft body. It barely registered to him when Kei started talking again, managing actual words rather than just punched-out moans and gasps. 

“I want- ah,  _ hah _ \- want you to-  _ oh _ \- c-come in me, Tetsurou- mmn, ‘s okay,  _ please _ -” Tsukishima moaned, hips going mostly still as he twisted his body a little to look at Kuroo. His eyebrows were pinched together in pleasure, cheeks ruddy, eyes glassy and hooded with blown pupils, and his lips were parted and swollen and shiny and-

Kuroo did his best to burn the image into his mind as he sealed their lips together again, thrust his hips forward three more times, and buried himself as deep into Tsukishima as he could go and spilled into him. His orgasm hit him in long, steady waves that made his head feel like warm, pleasant static. Tsukishima was whining against his lips, grinding his hips back into the short little thrusts that Kuroo gave him. He rode it out inside the blonde, and gasped sharply when Tsukishima suddenly tightened and cursed and bounced his hips faster. 

The messy, dirty kiss was broken when Kei finally tipped over the edge himself. His body went stiff for just a moment, and then he was arching and cursing and fucking back against Kuroo’s cock until the older man was twitching with overstimulation. 

“Fuck…” Kuroo groaned, his hands curling around Tsukishima’s thighs just to have something to hold on to. When Tsukishima finally went still and limp against his chest, he rubbed the skin of his legs slowly and kissed a trail up the side of the long, pale throat presented to him. 

“Agreed.” Kei muttered. This close, Kuroo could make out each long, blonde lash that rested on Tsukishima’s cheekbones while the younger man caught his breath. Light-colored as they were, they often didn’t appear to be quite as thick or full as they actually were. For a moment, Kuroo tried to imagine Tsukishima with a little mascara and thought he might have a heart attack at how unfairly  _ pretty  _ it would make him. 

“Shower and then dinner?” Kuroo prompted, reaching one hand up to lightly pull Tsukishima’s sweaty bangs out of his eyes. An approving grunt left the blonde, but he made no attempt to move. His legs were probably burning from exertion, so Kuroo didn’t blame him. 

“Want me to carry you, princess?” Tsukishima’s eyes opened at that, and a half-hearted glare was aimed in Kuroo’s direction. 

“If you can handle it,  _ Daddy _ .” 

Thirty fucking seconds after orgasming and Tsukishima Kei was already back to sassing him. 

  
Kuroo groaned, dropped his forehead down on the blonde’s shoulder, and silently wondered how soon was  _ too _ soon to marry him.

* * *

Tsukishima woke the next morning an hour before the alarm was supposed to go off. Or, well, forty-eight minutes, but whatever. Not enough time. 

This time Kuroo was on his back, and Tsukishima was curled up against his side with his head resting on Tetsurou’s arm. The steady rise and fall of the older man’s chest soothed him, as did the way he could hear the thumping of Kuroo’s heart when he shifted his head forward and rested his ear over his boyfriend’s chest. He moved as slow as he could, careful not to disturb Kuroo from his sleep. It was just past nine in the morning, and apparently there was a break in the rain, because warm sunlight filtered in through the windows past the shades and lit pretty lines across the expanse of Kuroo’s tanned skin. 

His face looked so peaceful and relaxed- much in the same way he had when Tsukishima had caught his private little moment on the bed the day before, smiling to himself in bliss. Only now, instead of smiling, Kuroo’s lips were parted and soft little  _ almost _ snores were slipping out every few breaths. It would be cute, if there weren’t also a thin stream of drool clinging to Kuroo’s cheeks. Tsukishima wanted to laugh, but that would probably wake him up, and he wasn’t ready for that just yet 

His fingers skimmed over Kuroo’s chest slowly, lips planting lazy kisses over the older man’s collarbone as gently as he could. He wanted to stretch this moment out forever; wanted to drown himself in Tetsurou’s scent, his warmth, his heartbeat. The thought of waking up alone again tomorrow… it made him want to fucking cry. 

But at least he could relax in the knowledge that he would have this again, eventually. 

“Y’gonna keep starin’ or’re you gonna gimme a real kiss?” 

Kuroo’s sleep-rumbly voice cut through the silence of the morning, startling Tsukishima to stillness. One gold eye peeked open to look at him lazily as a smirk turned up Kuroo’s lips, and a warm palm settled low on Tsukishima’s spine. He could feel his face heating again, but he pushed himself up on his elbow all the same and leaned over to kiss that irritating smirk away. The fingers of Kuroo’s left hand traced invisible patterns against the small of his back, while his right came up to cradle Tsukishima’s jaw and angle his face to kiss him deeper. 

“Morning…” Tsukishima murmured between the lingering presses of lips. His own left hand slid down to Kuroo’s hip, thumb tracing the sharp jut of bone beneath the skin. 

“Time?” Kuroo asked, pulling back and guiding Tsukishima back down to rest against his side. His eyes closed again, and a familiar, content smile settled on his lips. 

Tsukishima’s heart squeezed in his chest, and his eyes felt hot. 

“A little past nine. You can sleep a little longer if you want.”

“Nah. If I go back to sleep, I can’t enjoy holding you.”

A hot, thick lump jumped into Tsukishima’s throat. 

“You have to work later. You should sleep.”

“I can sleep on the train. And coffee exists. So shut up and let me hold you, okay?” Kuroo grumbled, turning on his side and pulling Tsukishima closer to his chest. He couldn’t fight it anymore, so he just buried his face against Kuroo’s shoulder and swallowed thickly to hold back the tears that tried to squeeze out of his closed eyes. 

Things were quiet, for a minute, and Kuroo let the hand not trapped under Kei’s body rub softly against his back, and then up to his hair to card lightly through it. Tsukishima tried to relax, just enjoy the touches, but all he could think about was how long it would be until he had this again. He let out a shaky sigh, and tensed when lips pressed against his crown, and Kuroo’s hand came to a rest at the base of his skull. 

“What’s wrong?” Kuroo asked, too damn perceptive to be fair. “Too much?”

“Not enough. I don’t want you to leave. I-” Tsukishima inhaled sharply as the familiar feeling of fluttering tickled the back of his throat. 

Right. The doctors said he’d still be coughing up the last of the flowers. Fuck. 

“Moonshine?” Kuroo prompted softly, pulling back and going from confused to concerned in half a second when the first cough wracked through Tsukishima. “Shit, c’mon, let’s sit you up, get this over with, yeah? It’s okay, I’m here.”

Yamaguchi’s counting technique only did so much, but it did help. So did Kuroo rhythmically patting his back to help shake the petals loose, one by one and four in total. The burning feeling in his throat- which he had  _ not missed _ \- left him feeling cold everywhere else in his body. He must have been shivering, because Kuroo grabbed the comforter between coughs and wrapped it firmly around Tsukishima’s shoulders. 

At least he had a decent cover for why he sobbed, then. 

When it was over, Kuroo helped him lay back, took the petals to the bathroom to dispose of, and came back with a warm, wet towel to wipe away the blood from Tsukishima’s palm and lips. As soon as he was cleaned, Kuroo sat up against the headboard of the bed and arranged Tsukishima in his lap, against his chest. 

“I’m sorry, again.” Kuroo said, chin rested on Tsukishima’s shoulder and arms wrapped firmly against his blanket-burritoed middle. 

“For what?” Kei already had an inkling of what Kuroo was going to say, and a fresh burst of tears welled up in his eyes. He didn’t want to hear it, but he didn’t know what else to say. 

“For this. I’ve been interested in you since high school, I just… y’know, I saw the way you’d looked at me, but I didn’t-” Kuroo sounded choked up himself, now, and a long sigh rushed out over Tsukishima’s skin when Kuroo lightly knocked his head against his and tightened his grip around him. “Thought it was just a crush. And I was about to start college, and it just wouldn’t have worked even if I tried to shoot my shot. And then even when you graduated, and we hung out, I… I thought you’d moved on. You didn’t look at me as much. But I still looked at you, and you never noticed, and-”

“I couldn’t-” Tsukishima started, reaching up with one arm to rub the tears out of his eyes, “-I thought you were with Kenma and you were so close and I could never-”

“We’re both just fucking dumbasses, huh?” Kuroo muttered. His nose pressed just behind Tsukishima’s ear, and he felt a smile curve against his skin.

“Mostly me.”

“Are you kidding? I could have been kissing you this whole fucking time if I had just gotten over myself and told you at your graduation party.”

“Graduation sex  _ would _ have been nice. Yamaguchi gave me a blowjob, but-”

“Wait you’ve fucked Yamaguchi?!” Kuroo gasped, sounding scandalized. But his eyes were lit up with mirth and there was a ridiculously wide grin on his face when Tsukishima turned to look. 

“Yeah? On and off since highschool. It’s just- it was stress relief, that’s all.”

“Oh, don’t worry baby I’m not jealous, just…  _ really _ ? Who bottomed?”

Tsukishima groaned and buried his face in his hand, face and ears burning in embarrassment. 

“Can we not talk about this? Please?”

Mercifully, the alarm on his phone finally went off in that moment, and Kuroo huffed and left a loud, smacking kiss on his shoulder. 

“Saved by the bell, Tsukki. But we are  _ so _ not done talking about this.” Kuroo purred, slowly disentangling himself from the blonde so they could both get up. Tsukishima didn’t move. “Hey, you okay?” 

“I don’t want you to go.” The words hurt coming up his throat, but he can’t help them. His hands wrung together under the blanket Kuroo had wrapped around him, but otherwise he was still. He couldn’t see Kuroo’s face, and there was silence hanging heavy between them that made Tsukishima want to bury his head in his knees. But then hands came up and gently tugged him around to face Kuroo- even though he kept his eyes downcast and refused to look up at the other man. 

“We’re gonna have to talk a lot more about all this, but I need you to know, right now, that I’m serious about you. Look at me, please?” Kuroo said, tone low and comforting as he gently tilted Tsukishima’s chin up with a hand cupped under his jaw. Tsukishima took a deep breath, and then let his eyes lift to meet the warm gold of Kuroo’s. A soft smile split the older man’s cheeks, and he gave Tsukishima a gentle caress of his thumb over his cheek before continuing. “We’ve both waited this long, right? A couple more years of school won’t break us. At least now we have more reason to get together when we have the time, and as long as you fucking  _ text me back _ , I’ll talk to you every single day. And we’ll see each other all the time. We both have cars, y’know? Wouldn’t be too hard to meet in the middle when we can’t make the full trip, right?” 

Tsukishima’s heart swelled in his chest. Every word from Kuroo’s lips set him more and more at ease. He’d already known that Kuroo wanted this, too, but the reassurance still had him falling deeper in love with each passing second. There was an honesty in Tetsurou’s eyes that made him want to cry all over again, but happier this time. 

“Right.” he breathed, feeling his shoulders slump back down- tense muscles relaxing enough for him to bring his hands up to cup Kuroo’s cheeks and tug him in for a lingering, sweet kiss. Kuroo pulled him in closer and held him tight, humming in content against his lips. 

“Good.” Kuroo said when he broke away, offering Tsukishima a bright smile and one last peck on his lips as he disentangled them again and scooted away to get up. “Now c’mon, if we get ready fast enough we can get breakfast before I have to go.” 

Tsukishima’s stomach growled loudly at the mention of food. He didn’t think he’d be this hungry if his body wasn’t so physically exhausted. Curse both of their libidos and Kuroo’s perfect dick. 

“There’s a donut shop on the way to the station. Their coffee is decent, too.” Tsukishima said, resigning himself to their parting and shuffling out of his position between Kuroo’s thighs so they could both stand and get ready. The way they went about cleaning up and dressing felt… right. Kuroo brushed his teeth in the bathroom with one of Tsukishima’s spare brushes (which had originally been for Yamaguchi, but he didn’t mind the idea of having one there for Kuroo, too) while Tsukishima pulled on his clothes in the bedroom. They switched so he could wash his face, and Kuroo got dressed. 

And then, somehow, they ended up swapping jobs in the process of preparing to leave. It was… strange, but it made sense, when Tsukishima went about gathering Kuroo’s things, and Kuroo made the bed and started cleaning around the apartment. It felt so domestic, and easy, as Tsukishima picked out the things that didn’t belong to him, and Kuroo dutifully cleared away any mess he might have made during his stay. 

Thoughtful bastard. How dare he be such a gentleman when he had such a smartass mouth most of the time. 

It did give Tsukishima a second to sneak one of his own shirts into Kuroo’s backpack, though, while the older man was busy gathering the empty beer cans off the coffee table in the living room. It barely fit with all of Kuroo’s other things already crammed in there, but he didn’t care. 

So what if he wanted Kuroo to have something of his? That was something boyfriends did, right? He fully intended to steal one of Kuroo’s shirts or hoodies when he visited. He was just repaying the favor in advance. 

When all was said and done, they left the apartment hand in hand, opting to walk to the station rather than take Tsukishima’s car. The break from the rain was a rare treat for the season, and would probably return by the evening, so they took advantage of the opportunity. They hadn’t thought about how humid it would be, and it didn’t take long for them to start picking fun at each other for how sweaty they got- even without the heat. And when they were both laughing and smearing their gross, sweat-slick hands on each other, Tsukishima knew he’d fallen for the right man. 

They ended up having enough time to actually sit down and eat on the comfortable patio outside the donut shop, barely a block away from the station and with half an hour left to get there. Kuroo went for a black coffee and two strawberry donuts, and Tsukishima picked out a chocolate eclair and a milk tea. Humid as it was, the umbrella over their heads kept the sun off them, and a cool breeze was picking up as the distant rain clouds rolled in from the southeast. 

“So, I probably won’t be able to come visit for so long like this again until summer, but I don’t have classes on the weekends. My boss is pretty cool, too, and my coworkers and I trade shifts all the time. What do you say I come down in two or three weeks again?” Kuroo said, eyeing Tsukishima carefully over the rim of his coffee cup. 

“I usually have volleyball practice on Saturdays, but if you wanted to come watch, I wouldn’t be too opposed.” Tsukishima said, taking a bite of his eclair and chewing thoughtfully. He’d still have to check back in with his captain and see if anything had come up while he’d been away, but knowing Kuroo’s schedule was at least partially flexible soothed his nerves. He’d really gotten worked up over nothing, honestly. It wouldn’t be months on end before he saw his boyfriend, just a few weeks at a time at most. He really needed to get out of his own damn head sometimes, and Kuroo was good at pulling him out of it. 

“Oho, does that mean you’re gonna introduce your boyfriend to the team?” Kuroo threw him a wink, and an obnoxious grin, and Tsukishima felt his face heat. 

“No, no, good point. I can’t let them know I’m dating such a fucking nerd.” 

Kuroo gasped dramatically and threw a hand over his heart, giving Tsukishima a betrayed look. “You wound me! And this, coming from Mister Dinosaur Boxers.”

Tsukishima groaned and ran a hand over his face in irritation. “Never gonna drop that, are you?” 

“Nope!” Kuroo said, cheering back up instantly- and then reaching over to swipe a thumb over Tsukishima’s bottom lip. Kei’s brows furrowed, confused, until he saw the smear of chocolate on Kuroo’s finger. 

His face went even redder when Kuroo’s tongue darted out to lick the chocolate off his thumb. He probably wasn’t even trying to be sexy, and managed it so flawlessly that Tsukishima had to avert his eyes and focus on the latte that was still way too hot to drink. He didn’t care, and ignored the prickling of tears in his eyes as his tongue was scalded. 

“ _ Anyways _ ,” Tsukishima hissed when the coffee was set back down, “Weekends are good. And- for the summer, I’m spending the first week with my mother, but otherwise I don’t have any plans. Nothing I can’t cancel or reschedule, anyway.”

“Hmm, that’s good. I’ll be pretty free, too. Uh, I don’t mind coming here if you want? I’m all for you visiting my place, but walls are thin, and Kenma will kill us both if we interrupt a stream. But! He’ll also be going to America for some YouTuber thing for a while, so we could totally stay in bed and f-”

“Kuroo, we’re in public. Please keep the conversation appropriate.” Tsukishima snapped, glaring at him- and then rolling his eyes when Kuroo just laughed his obnoxious laugh again. 

“Yeah, sorry, it’s just fun to rile you up.” 

“Likewise, but I’d rather keep our private lives to stay that way.” 

“Oh shit! Speaking of, are you- I mean, can I tell people? Am I allowed to?” 

Tsukishima hummed, tapping a finger lightly against the iron-wrought table in thought. Yamaguchi knew already, and he’d probably keep it a secret if Tsukishima asked him, but-

Ah, shit, Daichi knew, too. And if Daichi knew, then Suga knew. And Suga had probably told half the old team by now. Tsukishima hadn’t really been able to check his social media with how busy Kuroo had kept him, and he’d muted the group chats he’d been added to and only checked them periodically. 

But… he didn’t find himself minding that people knew he’d sealed the deal with Kuroo. And he wasn’t the type to tell his partners what they could and couldn’t talk about, so- 

“You can do whatever you want. I assume you’re going to tell Bokuto first and he’ll spread the word regardless.” 

“Actually, I was gonna tell Kenma first, but yeah. Bokuto and Akaashi by extension were the next on my list. Oh! We should go on a double date with them sometime! You get along well with Akaashi, right?”

“He’s much less obnoxious than you two. Sensible.”

“Watch it, Tsukki, don’t make me jealous, giving another man such high praise.” Kuroo snorted, pinching off a bit of his strawberry donut off and popping it in his mouth. Tsukishima looked down at it, a little envious he hadn’t ordered one for himself. They looked good. He wondered if Kuroo would taste like strawberry, too. 

“Jealousy isn’t worth it. Believe me. Besides…” Tsukishima leaned forward, then, letting one hand slide up Kuroo’s thigh and smirking salaciously at him, “I’m sure you’ll manage to keep me interested, one way or another.” 

The flush that spread over Kuroo’s cheeks was worth the bit of embarrassment Tsukishima felt being a little forward in public. Huh. Maybe this feeling was the same Kuroo got when he teased Kei. 

He understood, just a little better now. 

“I have to be on the train for two hours, asshole. Don’t get me started now.” Kuroo groaned, covering Tsukishima’s hand with his own and holding it still. 

“Ah, speaking of, we should probably get going.” Tsukishima lamented, pulling back to hastily finish his eclair and wipe the sugary glaze off his hands with the napkin the woman at the counter had handed him. 

Kuroo frowned, but scarfed down the rest of his first donut, and then half of the second. The other half was offered to Tsukishima, and he cursed himself for how easily such a small thing flustered him. He accepted it, wondering if Kuroo had noticed him staring at the pastry earlier or if he’d simply had enough sugar. 

He liked the idea that he was being spoiled, though, if it came from Kuroo. 

The donut was munched on slowly, savored as they made their way to the train station. They walked unhurried, hands clasped together, and Tsukishima leaning a little further into the other man than was strictly necessary. If Kuroo had any complaint, he didn’t make it known. For once, it was quiet- a comfortable silence had settled over them like a spell, with neither of them willing to break the haze of peace surrounding them. 

Until, that was, they stepped into the station, and suddenly a sort of dread filled Tsukishima, instead. Kuroo’s hand gave his a little squeeze, reassuring. When he looked up, he was met with a soft smile, and eyes that shined with an emotion Tsukishima had only ever daydreamed would be there for  _ him _ . 

“I’ll probably take a nap on the train, but text me when you get home, okay?” Kuroo said, and then he blinked and placed his free hand on Tsukishima’s shoulder. “And unblock me everywhere, too! I have to tag you in those pictures, still!”

Tsukishima frowned at the reminder of the pictures, embarrassed that… well, that he was going to let Kuroo upload them. A strange sort of pride filled him, knowing that everyone would see that he was Kuroo’s, and Kuroo was  _ his _ . Rather than try and fight, or throw a barb out, he just nodded, and pulled out his phone to do just that. 

“I took one of you sleeping, too. Expect to see that on Instagram.” Kuroo’s face dropped at that, and he groaned and thumped his head down on Tsukishima’s collarbone. 

“Fair’s fair, I guess.” 

“An eye for an eye.” Tsukishima hummed, wishing he could pull Kuroo’s face up and kiss him again. But they were in a fairly crowded train station, now, and it… wouldn’t be totally appropriate. He opened his mouth to speak again, until the pleasant-sounding voice announced the arrival of Kuroo’s train. Both of them froze for a moment, until Kuroo reluctantly dragged himself away and adjusted the strap of the backpack on his shoulder. 

“I’ll see you soon, okay?” Kuroo said, eyes shifting down to stare at their intertwined fingers and rubbing his thumb over Tsukishima’s knuckles again. 

“Yeah. You’d better. I’ll break down your door if you disappear on me.”

“I would never!” Kuroo chuckled, eyes soft again when they looked up and lingered on his lips. “I love you, Kei.”

Tsukishima’s teeth worried at his bottom lip, and he didn’t miss the way Kuroo’s breath hitched a little as he watched it happen. So before Tsukishima could change his mind and chicken out, he hauled Kuroo closer and pressed a firm, brief kiss to his lips. He felt his face heat rapidly, again, and he jolted back and turned away before the older man could get too good a look at him. 

Or, he would have, if Kuroo didn’t immediately haul him back in and kissed him deeper, more passionately, and wrapped both arms around Tsukishima’s waist to pull him close. He was held there for a moment, face burning and hands itching to sink into Kuroo’s shirt- but then Kuroo was gone, moving around Tsukishima and hopping on the train to find a seat before the cabin filled. 

“I love you, Tsukki!” Kuroo called, turning just inside the door to beam back at him, looking beautiful with his brightened eyes and a mild crimson tinge just under his skin. His grin was so wide Tsukishima wondered if it hurt. A second later, he had his answer when his own lips split into a wide smile of his own. It did hurt. But in the best kind of way. 

The lingering taste of strawberry and coffee clung to his lips, and Tsukishima’s heart thudded too loud in his ears. There was no way he could answer back as loudly as Kuroo had- there were enough eyes on him already- but he returned them all the same. 

“I love you.” He muttered, mostly to himself, and then he forced himself to turn and walk in the other direction before he could be tempted to do something stupid. Like get on the train with him. 

And when he made it home, and collapsed on his bed with a full heart and the lingering smell of Kuroo in his sheets, he doesn’t so much mind that he’s alone. His phone buzzed beside him, and he lifted his head from where it was buried in the pillow Kuroo had used and hit the home button to light up the screen. 

The notification on his screen read that he’d been tagged in a post on Instagram, and he can’t help but laugh in spite of himself when he opened it and saw half a dozen blurry photos of himself with the simple caption, ‘i love 1 man’. He’d only just posted it, and already Tsukishima’s phone was starting to buzz incessantly with notifications about people commenting on the post. 

As he scrolled through the comments that just kept coming (ranging from congratulations, to shock, to confusion), Tsukishima couldn’t help but be just a little cheeky, and typed out a comment of his own before muting the post to stave off the impending chaos. 

‘ **Love you too, Daddy** ’

His phone rand roughly thirty seconds later. 

“Tsukishima you are a bastard. I have eighteen texts already from Bokuto alone.” Kuroo hissed, but there’s amusement behind it, and Tsukishima hummed in a disinterested way. 

“Woe is you.”

“I have an hour and a half left on this train, and now zero chance of sleeping. Ah- oh my God, he’s literally calling me right now. I hate you.”

“Your post says otherwise.” 

Kuroo huffed a defeated sigh, and grumbled in what sounded like agreement. “Got me there. I- fuck, I gotta answer him or he’s gonna lose his mind. I’ll text you when I get home. I love you.” 

He’d never get used to hearing it out loud. Tsukishima was going to die from Kuroo’s affection. 

“The feeling is mutual. I’ll talk to you later.” He hung up quickly to allow Kuroo to answer his friend, and then he set his phone aside and wrapped himself up in the blankets that smelled faintly of cinnamon and sandalwood. Every part of him felt warm, and even without Tetsurou there, he didn’t feel so alone. 

Because he wasn’t. Not anymore. 

Tsukishima Kei added to the list of things he was certain of. It grounded him and kept him from feeling lost, told him he had a place in this world. It uplifted him, and made him feel light and life worthwhile. It kept him humble, and it is earth-shattering, and it makes his chest swell with warmth and contentment. 

Kuroo Tetsurou is in love with him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (self care is writing ur otp having a tickle fight)
> 
> I'm gonna fricken cry but I'm tossing around the idea of doing an epilogue as a separate fic, because I haven't had enough of these boys but I also have 2 BokuAka fics that I'm itching to write, so maybe keep an eye out for that! Thanks again for sticking with me! Please let me know what you think if you can!


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